my brother makes me feel stupid :O

[tobeover]

Whenever I say something, my brother always goes like "what do you mean (insert whatever I say)" with a malicious tone. Back then it was much worse. He used to call me names such as stupid, idiot, dumb, etc etc, told me to use my critical thinking skills in tones that implied that he didn't think I had any.

 

I know this might seem like typical brother behaviour. But the thing is, I'm naturally more sensitive than other people. And I can't help it. Anyway, my brother knows this, but doesn't exactly think about what he says to me.

 

One time, I was returning with my brother back from a concert. And I made a slight mistake in the ticket business...after the concert, my brother kept on harassing me about the ticket problem. I told him to take it easy, because I never made a mistake like that, and he refused, and he didn't lay off with the harassment. I was driven to tears over how stupid I felt.

 

Another time, we had this awful fight about my Tourettes. In short, my brother said that because I had Tourettes, I couldn't follow my dreams. (This isn't enough information to illustrate just how bad the fight was, by the way.) I threw a pillow at him, but it fell and landed on his laptop. Then he got REALLY pissed.

 

I talked to my flute teacher, who is a certified mental health expert, and she says that it's perfectly normal for people like me to be a lot more sensitive than other people. By "people like me" I mean people who were suicidal, who had bet wetting problems up til grade 4, who have Tourettes (Which by the way also causes varying degrees of social and emotional immaturity) and the like.

 

Am I overreacting when I say that my brother makes me want to cry?

Edited July 5, 2014 by tobeover

[Quiet Storm]

I think you have valid reasons to be upset about this.

 

The thing us though, we cant control other people. You can't turn your brother into a considerate and caring guy.

 

So since you can't change his behavior, it becomes about self preservation. What can you do, so that your brothers criticisms don't affect you so much?

 

When he starts on you, think to yourself "man, he has issues! He can't let anything go. This says more about his issues than mine". Train yourself to tune him out, so that when he starts you have detached emotionally and just hear " blah blah blah". Moms often use this skill to remain calm around noisy kids.

 

If you can't avoid him, then you need to find ways to protect your emotions. Be your own advocate. You don't have to sit and take it. Say "I understand you're upset with me but going on and on is just rude and annoying. So I am detaching from this conversation because it is not in my best interests to continue it". Then put your ear buds in and ignore him.

 

My point is that since you cant change him, change yourself. Taking everything he says to heart hurts and isn't good for you.

Edited July 5, 2014 by Quiet Storm

[tobeover]

Thanks for the reply, Quiet Storm.

 

I know I shouldn't let what everyone says control me, but it's pretty much impossible. I keep trying, but I just feel worse about myself!

 

Furthermore, I'm starting to doubt myself. What if my brother never did anything wrong, and I was just paranoid and oversensitive? Like, I have obvious mental health issues, and I think that I twisted whatever my brother said so that the words became insults, and I acted accordingly. So this would've been a normal conversation:

 

My brother: Stop shaking your leg.

 

Me: STOP OVERREACTING! I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG!

 

I'm not joking.

 

Gah, it's killing me, thinking about this. My relationship with my brother (and a lot of people, but especially my brother) has created numerous problems in me. I just think that if I controlled my emotions better, things would've been a lot smoother growing up.

[Quiet Storm]

Maybe your brother is just trying to help you, but it feels like criticism to you. My sister has Borderline Personality Disorder, and she has trouble handling her emotions. She had DBT therapy, which did help. She still has a lot of issues, though. Its hard on the family members, too. It took me a long time before I really accepted my sister's emotional limitations. Tell your doctor, maybe there are meds that can help. Sometimes it takes a long time to get your meds right. Tell him, "I don't want to argue so much. Can we both try to be more patient with each other?"

[tobeover]

Yup, I definitely feel like my brother was just trying to help. And I do tell my brother that I'm pretty limited in my control over my emotions, and that we both need to work together to make things better. But it's not as if I gave up on trying to control my emotions.

 

I actually have some important details that I forgot to mention. My brother kind of started with the name calling and what not when I was really young; he used to call me words like stupid, dumb, idiot, etc. Told me to go away, all that stuff. So I, being limited in my control over my emotions, didn't handle that too well. In order to protect myself, I convinced myself that ANYTHING my brother said to me was malicious. That's how things got this way.

[turnera]

Is there any way you and your family could go into some family counseling? I think they may need to hear from a professional ways to help you.

[Theory816]

Older brothers can be major douches. I think its because of their insecurities and because you are younger he is going to take it out on you. Don't put up with his bs. Eventually I think he will come around to see what a major a hole hes being.