cines Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 I feel awful right now and I just don’t know what is the right thing to do. I’ve been married for 11 years. It was a crazy falling in love situation but actually two days after the wedding a part of me knew that I made a mistake. It’s not to say that we haven’t had some good times, we have, but my wife suffers from depression and addiction. She has been in and out of rehabilitation for most of our marriage. We have a nine year old son that she is incapable of taking care of and I felt worried about my son and work long hours so finally at the start of this year, I moved my son to my parent’s house where he is being looked after. My wife and I have been separated I suppose for two years on and off but again when she comes out of rehab we tried to do things as a family for our son. I wanted to be able to create some memories for him with his parents. I don’t feel in love with her anymore but for so long I have felt that she is my responsibility and without me she would turn back to drugs permanently or do herself harm. I spoke to her in rehab and for the first time she said she was ready for a divorce and I agreed so I looked to get a lawyer. And then I met someone. A beautiful, incredible, smart, lovely girl who actually told me she would only be my friend because I was still married. A part of me resented that as for the first time in so long I actually felt happy and thought that maybe I could finally be with someone and live life how I want to. Give my son a stable home, be a married husband to a wonderful and loving person and I kept our friendship going. She is amazing. And there was so much I was looking forward to. I just needed to get divorced. And then my wife came back and said she was better. And she wanted to get our son back and give it a go. And my heart sank. I don’t want my son to be without his mother but i can’t think of giving her custody. She will fight me for it. Getting divorced to her is going to take a very long time. She has mental health issues but she is the mum and just splitting the money and everything. My lawyer warned me it wouldn’t be easy. She went and got our son back and now is back home with me. I stopped contacting my beautiful friend and she must be so confused and hurt and I can’t think how to even begin to explain to her what is going on in my head. I ignored her texts and can only imagine what an ass she must think I am. I don’t know how to face her. I feel miserable and i want to be free yet i have this sense of duty to my wife who is suddenly trying to give it a go. And my son is so happy to be with us again. I feel trapped. I want a fulfilling relationship and sometimes my wife is okay. We have a laugh but for the most part she is so emotional that i can’t have any peace at home. It’s easier when she is in rehab, i find it so stressful when she is at home. I’ve more and less said that we are giving it another go, though my family isn’t happy but understand that my son comes first. He is so young. Her family want her to stay with me. I support her financially. I can’t stop thinking about my friend. I’m trying to pretend that it doesn’t matter that I’ve suddenly stopped contact with her. I deleted her number and texts in case my wife sees them. She gets very jealous. Any advice? From someone who has been there. Cliff Link to post Share on other sites
Salesbury Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 For now stop worrying about this friend and focus on your family. If you want a divorce get one. It sounds to me that you are very miserable and I think ones that initiate the divorce have that sense of guilt. Even being married she ended up in rehab so it seems as though marriage or not she could end up going back to drugs. People can't depend on others for happiness and though she may be hurt she will have to find a way to move on. Just take care of that lil boy and do what you feels needs to be done. Just do it all for the right reasons and don't leave bc of your friend. I don't know anyone who has done that and had it work out for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 I can’t stop thinking about my friend. I’m trying to pretend that it doesn’t matter that I’ve suddenly stopped contact with her. I deleted her number and texts in case my wife sees them. She gets very jealous. Regardless of your marital outcome, this is best for right now. Your're simply not in a position to get involved and your friend doesn't deserve to be placed in the middle of this volatile situation. Let her go... For marriage to work, both partners have to be happy. Since you're not, you should act in your best interest while protecting your son. Right now, you're at best sending mixed messages to everyone involved. Skilled legal help will help you navigate this and your son may need his own attorney to ensure he's best served. Keep us posted... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 Do what is best for you. To not be a complete jerk, tell her therapist that you are getting a divorce. Perhaps even schedule an appointment for her but you can't stay. Link to post Share on other sites
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