reconnecting with long-distance ex

[Standard-Fare]

I understand what you're saying and you raise a good point. HOWEVER the question I would ask myself is if I would want someone who didn't have the courage, or was too proud, or thought it was pointless to express what they truly feel for someone. To me that is weakness and insecureties coming through.

 

I need someone who isn't afraid to fight, doesn't run from emotions and feelings and isn't afraid to admit that they were wrong. Emotional maturity is a healthy thing and is a good foundation for a stable relationship. Running from emotions and feelings for the reasons you listed isn't healthy and in my experience the person will continue that same pattern.

 

I agree with this. Especially since I've been in this position myself before and I did make that difficult decision to express myself, shelving all my pride and hangups. I took a leap of faith to tell an ex that I still loved him months after our breakup. I almost felt like I had no choice but to do this -- it was eating me alive. And you know what, it didn't work out for me but I felt better having tried.

 

If you're in love with someone and you can't deal with their absence, it will often tear you up inside enough that you have to take some action.

 

However, what makes this not so cut and dry for Newlyborn:

 

1) You're the one who technically pulled the trigger on the breakup. I know you felt forced to do this, but your ex never officially shut the door on you... he just told you he was miserable.

 

2) I see that he did make a couple attempts to be in touch after the breakup, which you ignored. Who knows what he had in mind.

 

3) He's the one who's reaching out to you now.

 

So... basically... if your feelings are still there, I do see value in reconnecting. As long as you can live with the risk that you might get hurt again. But that's a risk that there's in every situation with love.

[newlyborn]

 

However, what makes this not so cut and dry for Newlyborn:

 

1) You're the one who technically pulled the trigger on the breakup. I know you felt forced to do this, but your ex never officially shut the door on you... he just told you he was miserable.

 

2) I see that he did make a couple attempts to be in touch after the breakup, which you ignored. Who knows what he had in mind.

 

3) He's the one who's reaching out to you now.

 

So... basically... if your feelings are still there, I do see value in reconnecting. As long as you can live with the risk that you might get hurt again. But that's a risk that there's in every situation with love.

 

wow, Standard-Fare, such excellent points!

 

i am a little bruised from my latest dating fiasco. but i have decided to accept my ex's invitation to dinner.

 

i have noticed that it is usually a good idea to take the advice on here, especially when there is a virtual consensus! and i loved this man so dearly that even building a friendship would make me happy.

[IfiKnewThen]

Never expect the dumper to come back apologising, screaming "I LOVE YOU I MADE A MISTAKE", because they won't, even if thats what they truly feel.

 

 

 

just quoting someone up there.

 

i have been screaming to my ex recently that i love you..i made a mistake. hes not responding to it. so a dumper can do this. i just sent him a letter too. awaiting word from him.

 

its hard for a dumper to do this too. but so many people regret what they do. trust me on this one. also, an ex has been contacting me from years and years ago. he dumped me , got married shortly after. nows he calls telling me i was the love of his life and hes tried to talk to me thru the years and thought i hated him. and his emails were spammed mostly likely because im under lock and key and my mail wouldnt recognize the new address.

 

so its NOT true a dumper wont come running back. and it is true that even if they are walking slowly..its because they are scared of rejection too , especially after what they have done to you.

 

just pls know that and go out with ur ex. you have nothing to lose at this point and can see if there is anything to gain.