Afraid my amazing GF will change for the worst...

[xxxDantexEmmelixxx]

(please no hate like the last thread I posted -_-) hey, so I got this amazing girlfriend, she's 15 and I'm 16, and she is just the sweetest, most beautiful, loyal girl ever... she means so ******** much to me, and has got me through so many years of suicidal tendencies, gender dysphoria and trying to get into foster care... she means everything to me, and I know if I lost her I would kill myself, I'd just have nothing left to live for, and couldn't justs it back, and watch her move on... and forget about me... I love my dear Emmeli so much...

but the reason I posted here is because I'm afraid, I know people change a lot around the age of 18-19, and I'm afraid she will change for the worst... I get anxious easily, and always overthink things like ****, but I'm just terrified when she hits that age, she's going to change for the worst, and become like a lot of other girls... its very hard to describe, cuz I know for a fact I won't change... and I know when we eventually move in together, everything will be okay... but since we're in a long distance relationship, I get worried evem easier than usual.

Me and her have bonded a lot, through the hell we've both been through, and we're always like family to eachother before this - and I'm her first... but I'm just afraid all that will mean nothing when she grows older.. and her hormones and stuff changes..

I just can't bear to lose her...

please help ^^

[d0nnivain]

OMG! I though you two were adults. I had no idea you were CHILDREN. Do not have sex with her at this point in your lives. You are too young. If you take her virginity you will ruin everything.

 

As for your other issues, they are very serious. You need actual medical help. Not whatever advice support you can get from a message board or a teenaged girl.

 

Tell your parents what you are thinking & feeling. Ask them to get you some therapy. That will help.

 

It might not make your 1st love stick around forever but it will make any changes more tolerable. Suicide is NEVER the answer.

[xxxDantexEmmelixxx]

erm.... thanks...I...guess... ^^"

well I don't ever remember saying virginity is just something to throw away... in fact I think the total opposite... I'm glad my girlfriend is a virgin... so I can have the honor of being her first, and it means she hasn't got that emotional connection with another guy...

to be honest, I actually worry about my girlfriend NOT being a virgin, because I think "if she's got such a lack of self-esteem and discipline to lose it at that age... then surely her self esteem and discipline are low enough to do something else stupid... like cheating :/

 

but back to the original question... experiences... like, what happened when you lost yours? did you change? did you want sex with other guys? just afraid of her turning slutty or something...

 

but yeah... virginity means a lot to me... probably more so than to other people ^^"

[d0nnivain]

There are more people then you think who value virginity.

 

 

I think losing it when you are too young (< 18) screws up a LOT of people. It's a very emotional thing.

[xxxDantexEmmelixxx]

DERP! I just posted on the wrong thread! >< sorry! ><

[pteromom]

I know if I lost her I would kill myself, I'd just have nothing left to live for,

 

It isn't healthy to have someone be your only reason to live. It's not fair to put that kind of pressure on someone, and even the strongest relationship can't withstand that kind of pressure.

 

It's great that you are there for each other, but the goal should be to help each other grow. You are both butterflies emerging from very painful cocoons, and if you love her, you WANT her to grow and change and become the potential of what she can be. You don't want to keep her in a cage, unchanging, so that you can feel secure.

 

I know people change a lot around the age of 18-19, and I'm afraid she will change for the worst...

 

People change a lot around... every age! And that is a GOOD thing, not a bad thing. I guarantee she will change. And you will change, even if you say you won't. (And don't you want to? You say you've been suicidal, deal with anxiety,etc... don't you WANT to grow past that?)

 

I get anxious easily, and always overthink things like ****, but I'm just terrified when she hits that age, she's going to change for the worst, and become like a lot of other girls... its very hard to describe, cuz I know for a fact I won't change... and I know when we eventually move in together, everything will be okay... but since we're in a long distance relationship, I get worried evem easier than usual.

 

There is no use worrying about things that are completely out of your control. You have no control over what she does or doesn't do. So allowing yourself to over-analyze and worry is just wasted energy. Instead, use that energy to show her you love her. To laugh with her. To inspire her to want to talk to you and be with you. To let her be who she is.

 

I just can't bear to lose her...

please help ^^

 

Live in the now. Take a deep breath, and deal with the reality around you, rather than worrying what may happen several years from now.

 

Keep working on yourself, so you can be strong and secure and happy. If you plan on building a life with her, you need to become a man who is capable of building that life, not a man who is going to crumble every time there is a worry. Because life is full of worries.

[xxxDantexEmmelixxx]

It isn't healthy to have someone be your only reason to live. It's not fair to put that kind of pressure on someone, and even the strongest relationship can't withstand that kind of pressure.

 

It's great that you are there for each other, but the goal should be to help each other grow. You are both butterflies emerging from very painful cocoons, and if you love her, you WANT her to grow and change and become the potential of what she can be. You don't want to keep her in a cage, unchanging, so that you can feel secure.

 

 

 

People change a lot around... every age! And that is a GOOD thing, not a bad thing. I guarantee she will change. And you will change, even if you say you won't. (And don't you want to? You say you've been suicidal, deal with anxiety,etc... don't you WANT to grow past that?)

 

 

 

There is no use worrying about things that are completely out of your control. You have no control over what she does or doesn't do. So allowing yourself to over-analyze and worry is just wasted energy. Instead, use that energy to show her you love her. To laugh with her. To inspire her to want to talk to you and be with you. To let her be who she is.

 

 

 

Live in the now. Take a deep breath, and deal with the reality around you, rather than worrying what may happen several years from now.

 

Keep working on yourself, so you can be strong and secure and happy. If you plan on building a life with her, you need to become a man who is capable of building that life, not a man who is going to crumble every time there is a worry. Because life is full of worries.

 

thanks a lot! ^^

but yeah, I haven't actually told her that I would kill myself (if I didn't die of heartbreak) if she left me... and to be honest, I don't really know how to word it without sounding like an angsty teenager who thinks its the end of the world.... but tbh, I'm quite mature for my age, and can see what would happen afterwards... ^^"

 

and true! I don't mind so much if she changes for the good... and becomes her fullest potential... I'm just afraid she will change for the worst.. and become less than she could be... :/

 

I try my best, I really do... and without trying to sound big-headed or anything, put the issues and anxiety away, and I'm actually a pretty good boyfriend... I'm always there, not just for my girlfriend, but for anybody around me, it seems I can listen and help others with their problems... but I can't help myself... ^^" I guess its cuz I've always been pretty selfless and not cared much about myself in the first 15 years of my life... so I'm kinda new to the whole 'dealing with my problems over other peoples' kinda thing ^^

 

thanks

[pteromom]

and true! I don't mind so much if she changes for the good... and becomes her fullest potential... I'm just afraid she will change for the worst.. and become less than she could be... :/

 

Well - you don't have control over that, do you? So it is best to let it go.

 

A question to ask yourself is why you focus on the possibility of her changing for the worse rather than changing for the better. You are allowing yourself to be ruled by your fears. When you imagine her turning into a slut or making other horrible choices, MAKE yourself stop. And then MAKE yourself imagine a better outcome. Instead of her cheating and being horrible, imagine you both graduating college, buying your first home, having a baby. Imagine her laughing with you as you show her your favorite place in the world. Imagine her lying in the grass with you watching the stars. Just don't turn your daydreams into expectations - she is still a person with her own opinions, wants, and goals, and right now your relationship is 100% possibility! So why assume it is all negative possibility? Good things can and do happen.

 

I try my best, I really do... and without trying to sound big-headed or anything, put the issues and anxiety away

 

No you don't. This whole post (and your other post) are all about anxiety. You are a breakup away from suicide. You are fearful of what she will do, what she will become, whether she will cheat, etc. And you have no control over any of that - PLUS, it isn't even close to happening yet. You haven't even met her in person.

 

, and I'm actually a pretty good boyfriend... I'm always there, not just for my girlfriend, but for anybody around me, it seems I can listen and help others with their problems... but I can't help myself... ^^" I guess its cuz I've always been pretty selfless and not cared much about myself in the first 15 years of my life... so I'm kinda new to the whole 'dealing with my problems over other peoples' kinda thing ^^

 

If it helps you, think of it in terms of helping yourself FOR HER. When you help yourself, you make yourself a better person for her. And even if you are a good boyfriend, there is always room for improvement. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. The better you are, and the happier you are, the more you have to give everyone else.

[xxxDantexEmmelixxx]

Well - you don't have control over that, do you? So it is best to let it go.

 

A question to ask yourself is why you focus on the possibility of her changing for the worse rather than changing for the better. You are allowing yourself to be ruled by your fears. When you imagine her turning into a slut or making other horrible choices, MAKE yourself stop. And then MAKE yourself imagine a better outcome. Instead of her cheating and being horrible, imagine you both graduating college, buying your first home, having a baby. Imagine her laughing with you as you show her your favorite place in the world. Imagine her lying in the grass with you watching the stars. Just don't turn your daydreams into expectations - she is still a person with her own opinions, wants, and goals, and right now your relationship is 100% possibility! So why assume it is all negative possibility? Good things can and do happen.

 

 

 

No you don't. This whole post (and your other post) are all about anxiety. You are a breakup away from suicide. You are fearful of what she will do, what she will become, whether she will cheat, etc. And you have no control over any of that - PLUS, it isn't even close to happening yet. You haven't even met her in person.

 

 

 

If it helps you, think of it in terms of helping yourself FOR HER. When you help yourself, you make yourself a better person for her. And even if you are a good boyfriend, there is always room for improvement. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. The better you are, and the happier you are, the more you have to give everyone else.

 

 

thanks... I appreciate you taking the time to comment, I really do ^^

but yeah, instead of graduating college, that thought always turns into "what if she cheats in free periods in college" and instead of moving into a house... I always imagine her in some other guys house.... and about having a baby, I always worry "what if its somebody else's" or "what if I can't have my own children" I'd love to have children, I know I'd make a great father... but I'm always worried I won't...

 

all this anxiety is hard to explain without sounding pathetic... its more difficult than it sounds, you can't just "make yourself" cuz you always end up coming back to the same thought.... its like hitting a wall, that nobody else can see or understand.... and your the only one who can... and its just impossible to get through, over, or around... and its horrible to be honest ^^" I've just stayed strong for too long, and I'm kind of on breaking point.... all I get told by my parents, 'friends' and social workers, is that me and her future will never happen... we'll break up, and live separate lives... and yes, I understand that is far from impossible... but I know me and her can last... if she really is as loyal as she seems.. and I get some help for these issues ^^"

 

but your right! ^^ 100% I am afraid... because its the first and only person (well, as well as her friend Naja) they are both the only 2 people I care about, and just couldn't bear to be deprived of...

 

still, thanks!

[pteromom]

all this anxiety is hard to explain without sounding pathetic... its more difficult than it sounds, you can't just "make yourself" cuz you always end up coming back to the same thought.... its like hitting a wall, that nobody else can see or understand.... and your the only one who can... and its just impossible to get through, over, or around... and its horrible to be honest

 

It's not impossible. It takes a lot of practice and commitment to changing it. You don't just give up if it doesn't work immediately.

 

You have to re-train your mind to do something different.

 

^^" I've just stayed strong for too long, and I'm kind of on breaking point.... all I get told by my parents, 'friends' and social workers, is that me and her future will never happen... we'll break up, and live separate lives... and yes, I understand that is far from impossible... but I know me and her can last... if she really is as loyal as she seems.. and I get some help for these issues ^^"

 

Those people don't know what the future holds any more than you do. You can't let other people dictate what you feel.

 

but your right! ^^ 100% I am afraid...

 

Just remember that courage isn't about not being afraid. It's when you feel the fear and push forward anyway. It's ok to be afraid. Just don't let your fear control your actions.