reh46 Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Could use some advice... I have a friend of many years with whom I work closely. She is involved with a man she was previously married to. After they divorced, they got back together, but broke up again when his engagement to another woman was printed in the local paper! He said it happened because of problems he had with drugs. He later claimed he divorced the other woman, and she has been seeing him again for the past few years. He is a doctor, and gives her enough money every month to have her hair and nails done, etc. He paid for her to finish her college degree. He rarely visits except at night when he is on his way to work at the emergency room. She says crazy things like, "Jimmy hid all of my Christmas presents at my house", and "Jimmy's such a workaholic, he doesn't have time to take me to a movie" and "Jimmy and I don't want to live together because it's better this way" Her comments stimulated my curiosity to the point that I began to find out what I could about the guy. It did not take much effort, since he has an unusual last name, and has been disciplined by the State board for his drug use in the past. What I have discovered is that he is not only still married to the woman he said he'd divorced, but has a couple of young children and lives nearby in a very nice home. It is obvious to me that any of this information would be easy for her to find out if she wanted to--she either doesn't want to know, or does know and is flat out lying. She has told me that what Jimmy does is none of her business and that whatever his behavior is, it is no reflection upon her own motives or honesty. In either case, I am disgusted with the situation and have been trying to back off from the friendship. Unfortunately, we work in the same department and are required to interact frequently. She is constantly talking about this man, and how he's changed, and what a good guy he is. So far my response has been minimal to none, but I'm having a harder and harder time biting my tongue. Additionally, she is in recovery for drug problems of her own, and is on the phone at work telling people that she sponsors how they should be living their lives and to stay honest. It just makes me sick... Part of me thinks that she is playing me (and other friends) for a fool and that makes me angry. Part of me feels sorry for her that she has such a poor opinion of herself that she must continue this relationship (she is in her forties and struggled for a long time with the fact that she will not be having children with this man) I feel insulted by the lying, and resentful of the fact that I have to listen to her talk about this guy almost every day. I also feel that whatever she is doing is none of my business. If she'd just shut up about him, I could probably manage to never say anything. I've definitely outgrown the friendship, and would like to have only a business relationship with this woman. I feel that she recognizes that I have pulled back from her, but she's not asked why. How can I get her to stop talking this lying trash to me? Should I confront her and get it over with, or simply ask her to stop talking about him--what do I say if she asks why? I am getting more and more uncomfortable with this situation, and I don't want things to get ugly at the office. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Just say, I enjoy working with you, but I am not comfortable talking about your personal life or your situation with Jimmy, and would prefer that you not talk to me about it. If she keeps it up, just let her know that you made it clear that you were not comfortable talking about that subject. Just keep stonewalling her about it. Don't give her an opportunity to even bring it up. If she does, remind her and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
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