Does it have to be all or nothing? [update - not a good feeling]

[turnera]

I know I need to make difficult decisions and stick to them. However, I can also see why, with comments like this, many people post a couple times and never return here.

*shrug*

 

What did you expect? You come to a marriage-friendly forum and show no remorse for tearing people's lives up and you want us to pat you on the back? I'm sure Ashley Madison has a forum for that.

 

If you want real advice to help you turn your life around and finish out your life with integrity, you'll come to a place like this and hear the harsh truth. You are NOT acting like an adult. Adults make hard choices even when they are painful, because it's the right thing to do.

[Spectre]

Why are we walking away from intense passion and these incredible feelings to live a mediocre life!!!

 

I imagine people walk away because they realize that getting into a relationship with someone who knowingly hooks up with someone who is married is probably not a good idea, given that decent non-trashy folk do not sleep with someone who is married. "Intense passion" doesn't erase the type of person one would have to be to essentially be a homewrecker and rip apart families. You won't be going to any Prince Charming if you leave your husband for a man you cheated with.

 

I appreciate everyone's comments I just don't think sarcastic is what I need right now. I didn't say I wanted everyone to agree with me and I don't need sunshine up my butt. I understand there is pain on this board on both sides. I'm trying to work through this with some added advice. I'll get there. I'm not sure when but probably sooner than I think. I know there is no perfect time to end things other than now, but I have a few weeks I'm not sure I can go through with no contact. Yes, that's selfish, I know. I'm hoping once that's over I can start to move on.

 

There is so much with this post that saddens me I don't even know where to begin. Just..wow.

 

I'm not telling my husband and I'm not leaving as a previous poster mentioned. I know some believe that full disclosure is the only way to go but that's not it for me. I am a real wife and I do love my husband. I've made bad choices that at the time I felt ok with. I'm still trying to figure out how to move on. I know the answers are right in front of me and I have to do it but the OMs attachment for communication is strong and I have to work up the nerve to walk away. We both want to talk even though I know it continues the A and does nothing for either of us. I will get there.

 

I don't even know how you expect people to respond to this. You are a "real" wife and you love your husband? I feel so sorry for your poor husband. The poor man has no idea who he is with and his life is just being stolen away from him day by day.

[Spectre]

*shrug*

 

What did you expect? You come to a marriage-friendly forum and show no remorse for tearing people's lives up and you want us to pat you on the back? I'm sure Ashley Madison has a forum for that.

 

If you want real advice to help you turn your life around and finish out your life with integrity, you'll come to a place like this and hear the harsh truth. You are NOT acting like an adult. Adults make hard choices even when they are painful, because it's the right thing to do.

 

I can't even "like" this post enough times. It's one thing for a cheater to expect zero negative feedback, that is being naive, but meh. But to act so utterly callous over it and still be shocked..I honestly feel such a deep sadness for the husband. The people of this forum are showing an AMAZING amount of restraint if the worst thing she gets is sarcasm. I'd actually give the people of the forum a kudos for that.

[turnera]

btw, are you aware of PEA chemicals? It's that lust feeling you have with your partner, where you can't get enough of them, you see no faults in each other, the sex is the best sex you've ever had in your life, blah blah blah. Every human gets it when they start a new relationship; our body produces it to ensure procreation (back from caveman days). But it stops being produced after about 3 to 5 years. Once it's gone, all you have left is your relationship. It explains why your H is just your husband, he's blase and boring, and why your lover is so HOT to you and you can't get enough of him. It's lust. Not love. It's an addiction and you're basically saying you don't have strong enough character to beat an addiction. You COULD leave him if you wanted to; but it's easier not to.

 

Frankly, your only hope at this point is for your husband to discover the adultery and do something about it.

[Pushing Forward]

I never said my husband was blase or boring, or that the om is hot. Yes, it's like an addiction but I guess from your words anyone who's a drug addict or alcoholic doesn't have strong enough character. Interesting.

 

To the others who think that snotty comments will make people listen to you, good luck. I'm glad that you're perfect and can pass judgement on everyone else.

 

I've admitted it's wrong and that I want to stop but haven't been able to.

 

 

btw, are you aware of PEA chemicals? It's that lust feeling you have with your partner, where you can't get enough of them, you see no faults in each other, the sex is the best sex you've ever had in your life, blah blah blah. Every human gets it when they start a new relationship; our body produces it to ensure procreation (back from caveman days). But it stops being produced after about 3 to 5 years. Once it's gone, all you have left is your relationship. It explains why your H is just your husband, he's blase and boring, and why your lover is so HOT to you and you can't get enough of him. It's lust. Not love. It's an addiction and you're basically saying you don't have strong enough character to beat an addiction. You COULD leave him if you wanted to; but it's easier not to.

 

Frankly, your only hope at this point is for your husband to discover the adultery and do something about it.

[Owl]

I've admitted it's wrong and that I want to stop but haven't been able to.

 

I'd like to chime in here, but I really want to make sure that you realize I'm not calling you out, nor calling you names, nor being in any way dergatory.

 

I just want to make sure that you understand something about your above statement.

 

YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN STOP. THIS IS COMPLETELY, TOTALLY WITHIN YOUR POWER TO DO.

 

The problem is...you're not motivated to do so. You don't want to. The pleasure of what you're doing outweighs the negative emotions you feel that make you want to stop.

 

That's why you need to tell your husband.

 

Because HIS negative reaction will most likely be the push you need to make you stop.

 

If you honestly feel that you can't stop on your own...then you need to ask him to help you.

[spookysonata]

I'd like to chime in here, but I really want to make sure that you realize I'm not calling you out, nor calling you names, nor being in any way dergatory.

 

I just want to make sure that you understand something about your above statement.

 

YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN STOP. THIS IS COMPLETELY, TOTALLY WITHIN YOUR POWER TO DO.

 

The problem is...you're not motivated to do so. You don't want to. The pleasure of what you're doing outweighs the negative emotions you feel that make you want to stop.

 

That's why you need to tell your husband.

 

Because HIS negative reaction will most likely be the push you need to make you stop.

 

If you honestly feel that you can't stop on your own...then you need to ask him to help you.

 

THIS. Look, you came here for help and advice. Stop being defensive and getting mad because someone told you something you didn't want to hear.

Your best thinking got you into this mess....Try listening to the words of those of us who have btdt.

[Pushing Forward]

Thank you. I appreciate this. I know you are ABSOLUTELY right. I don't think the good outweighs the negative but I haven't forced myself out yet.

 

I'd like to chime in here, but I really want to make sure that you realize I'm not calling you out, nor calling you names, nor being in any way dergatory.

 

I just want to make sure that you understand something about your above statement.

 

YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN STOP. THIS IS COMPLETELY, TOTALLY WITHIN YOUR POWER TO DO.

 

The problem is...you're not motivated to do so. You don't want to. The pleasure of what you're doing outweighs the negative emotions you feel that make you want to stop.

 

Yes, for advice. I'm not mad. I just don't think the snarky comments serve a purpose. I'm trying. Thank you.

 

THIS. Look, you came here for help and advice. Stop being defensive and getting mad because someone told you something you didn't want to hear.

Your best thinking got you into this mess....Try listening to the words of those of us who have btdt.

[Owl]

Thank you. I appreciate this. I know you are ABSOLUTELY right. I don't think the good outweighs the negative but I haven't forced myself out yet.

 

OK...so you've got a direction to move towards now...and that's always a good thing! I hope you're able to make things happen!

[Spectre]

I never said my husband was blase or boring, or that the om is hot. Yes, it's like an addiction but I guess from your words anyone who's a drug addict or alcoholic doesn't have strong enough character. Interesting.

 

You seem to be confused over when something is an addiction and when something is just a person being selfish.

 

To the others who think that snotty comments will make people listen to you, good luck. I'm glad that you're perfect and can pass judgement on everyone else.

 

You feel a person needs to be perfect to call out someone who behaves like you. Interesting.

 

I've admitted it's wrong and that I want to stop but haven't been able to.

 

If you wanted to stop you would, but you haven't. You haven't told your husband, you haven't stopped the affair, you haven't done anything that indicates you love or respect this poor poor man who is married to you. As others have said..you can stop, you just do not want to do so..but then if you can't stay away then the right thing would be to leave your H and be with this guy, but you won't do that either. Basically, it's all about you you you. Your thread could of been about how to be a better wife to your husband, instead it is about the other man.

[Spectre]

Thank you. I appreciate this. I know you are ABSOLUTELY right. I don't think the good outweighs the negative but I haven't forced myself out yet.

 

 

 

Yes, for advice. I'm not mad. I just don't think the snarky comments serve a purpose. I'm trying. Thank you.

 

No offense, but HOW are you trying?! Explain. You won't disclose your betrayal, that is strike one. You won't set your husband free, strike two. You won't get the utter scum of another man out of your life, that is strike three. I don't mean to be snarky, but I do not see a lot of "trying" from you. Actually, I see you trying EVERYTHING in your power to deal with this in a way that best suits *you* instead of the poor man you are married to. The OM should not be on your mind, your husband should, period.

[A.Moscote]

As the first step, why don't you send him an NC letter? Never mind whether he would agree or not, or that you would break it yourself later, just do it. (At least, you can answer Spectre's question then.) Take this coming few days to compose one that is polite and proper but still without the tiniest hope to continue the R. Put in it all the right reasons to end this, and don't hints of any regret or reluctance, even if you are indeed carrying tons of them. Please try it, at least try to write it first.

 

On another part, hopefully you can be calm and patient with our responses, don't let our styles (or emotions) get too much of you. Every time before you log in, just imagine that we don't even know you, that somehow we are all anonymous. Just read through the snarky parts and try to extract as many useful points as you can without dabbling too much on how we are judging each other.

 

Lastly, may we know why you are so convinced on not disclosing this to your H? For me, it seems like you are not learning from your own experience (years of it), that hiding the truth is not really efficient to stop you from succumbing to the affair. You need your husband to directly help you in this struggle.

[Spectre]

It comes down to this: you made your choices, and they were poor choices. If you loved your husband you would allow him to do the same. Which you are not doing by keeping this from him. Actions speak louder then words, if you truly love your H then use your actions to show you do, and the first step in that is never ever ever ever ever having any type of contact with the scumbag you cheated with.

 

He is a piece of dog doo, he isn't a catch, he is crud. He isn't worthy to lick the mud off your husbands boots. I know this will all fall on deaf ears, which is why this thread is just very depressing.

 

Though I have an actual serious question for the OP, and I am not trying to be snarky here I swear to God, but you see what I said above about choices. I know you are never going to tell your husband, I can already tell, and that is unfortunate. I guess my question is why you feel you have the right to keep such vital information from him? I have honestly never asked a WS this question straight up. I would honestly be curious why you feel you have the right to deceive him and steal away his life. I am not trying to snark you OP, I am just trying to understand the mindset of a cheater, because it is utterly alien to me..so I'm trying to understand what would possess a person to feel they have a right to dictate what information their lover is or is not owed? Again: please do not take this as snark, I'm trying to understand the mindset of a cheater. The more me and other betrayed spouses can understand this, the more it allows us to come at this problem with less snark. I understand if you don't want to answer, you don't have to do so.

Edited July 9, 2014 by Spectre

[Davey L]

It is difficult to respond to this without saying something you will object to. I'm not really sure what you want here - your responses to others' comments on here indicate that you don't really want to hear the truth.

 

 

There were a couple of questions explicitly asked:

 

 

Do we need to cut contact all together or can we really help each other through this?

...

has anyone ever really had an amicable "goodbye"?

...

Is there a way to see each other and say all that we have to say and be done?

...

is it really better to just rip off the band-aid and be done?

 

 

Plenty here after answered these questions quite clearly, Sceptre and Owl in particular. You DO need to cut contact or you are just continuing the affair, whether it is physical or not. I'm sure plenty will agree that this is difficult - but there is no alternative if you want to stay with your husband and if you really do love him as you claim.

 

 

I feel sorry for your husband. He's being strung along wasting his life committing it to a woman that doesn't give a damn about him, that is agonising more over how to continue her affair than how to make things right with her husband again.

[turnera]

I guess from your words anyone who's a drug addict or alcoholic doesn't have strong enough character. Interesting.

Not until they quit.

 

Have YOU quit?

[Pushing Forward]

My addiction comment was in response to someone else who said I was addicted. I'm not confused over the addiction versus being selfish. Don't think someone needs to be perfect to pass judgement but the way people respond comes off that way. Yes, my post is about me. Sorry you don't like that. It's okay. I'm not asking about how to be a better wife. I'm working on ending this A so that I can be..Thanks for your thoughts.

 

You seem to be confused over when something is an addiction and when something is just a person being selfish.

You feel a person needs to be perfect to call out someone who behaves like you. Interesting.

Basically, it's all about you you you. Your thread could of been about how to be a better wife to your husband, instead it is about the other man.

 

I'm trying by coming here and listening to everyone passing judgment on me. If I didn't care I wouldn't be in here reading this. No one wants to feel like crap for what they've done and that's exactly what this is and yes, it's what I need. I'm trying by limiting my contact and not going to see him even though at times he's right down the road. I'm trying by avoiding some triggers I know I have. You don't see it but I do. I know it's not the way YOU think it should be but it's more than I've done in the past.

 

No offense, but HOW are you trying?! Explain. You won't disclose your betrayal, that is strike one. You won't set your husband free, strike two.

 

This is a very good idea. Thank you A.Moscote. I DO need to write that letter. I know it would be good for me. I've answered Spectre's question. I think I'm being pretty calm here. Yes, I don't agree with what everyone says and I have a right to comment on that just as you all have your right to say what you say even though I don't agree..I came here. I get it.

Thank you, really b/c I do need to read through the snark and gather helpful information. I'll answer your last question below.

 

As the first step, why don't you send him an NC letter? Never mind whether he would agree or not, or that you would break it yourself later, just do it. Please try it, at least try to write it first.

 

On another part, hopefully you can be calm and patient with our responses,Just read through the snarky parts and try to extract as many useful points as you can

 

Yes, poor choices. Agreed. You are right. I have no plans to tell my H. I guess I don't see it the way you do. I don't think I'm stealing his life away. I am here. I am still being with my family, taking vacations, making dinner, doing family events, eating out, going out, being there for everyone. I know you don't see that or believe it. I may be preoccupied at times with the OM but I am home 95% of the time. I work from home. I'm here every night. I'm involved in family discussions, decisions, etc. I am still here for my H and telling him how proud I am of him for his job and all that he does. I can understand that you see it differently and I guess I'm not sure if I can explain it any other way. I know you feel that the BS should know but I don't see how that will do anything other than hurt everyone else. You may feel that they're hurting now because of what they don't know. I don't see it that way. I'm sorry you feel like I'm dictating to him or robbing him from valuable information with which to make choices but I see telling as more pain to him and less for me. It seems like divulging that will get it off my chest but put it on him causing pain for everyone where right now I'm the only one who knows and is in pain over it. Sorry if this doesn't help but it's how I see my situation.

 

It comes down to this: you made your choices, and they were poor choices.

 

know you are never going to tell your husband, I can already tell, and that is unfortunate. I guess my question is why you feel you have the right to keep such vital information from him? I have honestly never asked a WS this question straight up. I would honestly be curious why you feel you have the right to deceive him and steal away his life. I am not trying to snark you OP, I am just trying to understand the mindset of a cheater, because it is utterly alien to me..so I'm trying to understand what would possess a person to feel they have a right to dictate what information their lover is or is not owed? Again: please do not take this as snark, I'm trying to understand the mindset of a cheater. The more me and other betrayed spouses can understand this, the more it allows us to come at this problem with less snark. I understand if you don't want to answer, you don't have to do so.

 

 

The truth is different to everyone. I wanted to know how best to get out. I may not agree with everything everyone says and I may not do what is suggested, but I came here because I DO want to do the right thing. It may be today, it may be next week. If I didn't care about changing I wouldn't be on this board b/c it's only depressing and makes people posting feel like crap. Deserved, yes. I understand that. But for people to say I don't care or I'm not a real wife, adult, low character..whatever. Think what you all want, but if I didn't give a crap I would have never joined this board and started reading and posting. I wasn't looking for a how to guide to an A as some in another thread has but I am learning how to deal and how to move on. He's not wasting his life and I do care about him whether you all believe it or not. I talked about that above. Thanks.

 

It is difficult to respond to this without saying something you will object to. I'm not really sure what you want here - your responses to others' comments on here indicate that you don't really want to hear the truth.

[Spectre]

My addiction comment was in response to someone else who said I was addicted. I'm not confused over the addiction versus being selfish. Don't think someone needs to be perfect to pass judgement but the way people respond comes off that way. Yes, my post is about me. Sorry you don't like that. It's okay. I'm not asking about how to be a better wife. I'm working on ending this A so that I can be..Thanks for your thoughts.

 

But again the problem is people are rightfully pointing out some horrible and disrespectful behavior. Says nothing about needing to be perfect, just a decent human being.

 

I'm trying by coming here and listening to everyone passing judgment on me. If I didn't care I wouldn't be in here reading this. No one wants to feel like crap for what they've done and that's exactly what this is and yes, it's what I need.

 

So then I'm all kinds of confused. You admit this is what you need..so..the problem is..what? You say you don't want to feel like crap, but it's not just that. You don't want to take responsibility for anything you have done and you are A okay with misleading the man you pledged to honor and respect.

 

I'm trying by limiting my contact and not going to see him even though at times he's right down the road. I'm trying by avoiding some triggers I know I have. You don't see it but I do. I know it's not the way YOU think it should be but it's more than I've done in the past.

 

So again you see the problems, like it is a big deal you aren't going to see this piece of crap? You should be having zero contact with him. Not limited, but zero. If you are walking down the street and you see him you should immediately cross the street. Don't even acknowledge him.

 

Yes, poor choices. Agreed. You are right. I have no plans to tell my H. I guess I don't see it the way you do. I don't think I'm stealing his life away. I am here. I am still being with my family, taking vacations, making dinner, doing family events, eating out, going out, being there for everyone. I know you don't see that or believe it. I may be preoccupied at times with the OM but I am home 95% of the time. I work from home. I'm here every night. I'm involved in family discussions, decisions, etc. I am still here for my H and telling him how proud I am of him for his job and all that he does. I can understand that you see it differently and I guess I'm not sure if I can explain it any other way. I know you feel that the BS should know but I don't see how that will do anything other than hurt everyone else. You may feel that they're hurting now because of what they don't know. I don't see it that way. I'm sorry you feel like I'm dictating to him or robbing him from valuable information with which to make choices but I see telling as more pain to him and less for me. It seems like divulging that will get it off my chest but put it on him causing pain for everyone where right now I'm the only one who knows and is in pain over it. Sorry if this doesn't help but it's how I see my situation.

 

Just wow, this made me sad to read. I just can't wrap my mind about how you could sit there and be so selfish and say the things you say. I just don't get it. Your rationale of not telling him so you don't hurt him. *SMH* Where was this concern before you cheated? Why is it always the WS's suddenly decide, after the fact, to care?

 

The truth is different to everyone. I wanted to know how best to get out. I may not agree with everything everyone says and I may not do what is suggested, but I came here because I DO want to do the right thing. It may be today, it may be next week. If I didn't care about changing I wouldn't be on this board b/c it's only depressing and makes people posting feel like crap. Deserved, yes. I understand that. But for people to say I don't care or I'm not a real wife, adult, low character..whatever. Think what you all want, but if I didn't give a crap I would have never joined this board and started reading and posting. I wasn't looking for a how to guide to an A as some in another thread has but I am learning how to deal and how to move on. He's not wasting his life and I do care about him whether you all believe it or not. I talked about that above. Thanks.

 

I feel so much sympathy for your husband. There really isn't anything else to say. This is depressing and yes no matter what you say: you are robbing this man of his life. I truly hope he somehow finds out on his own what you did. If there is any justice left in this world he will. But the sad truth is the poor man will be forever made a fool of by the one person in the world who promised to never do that to him.

[Pushing Forward]

It's obvious nothing I say gets through, makes sense, or appeases you. You asked for the mindset of a WS from my point of view. You said you weren't being snarky. I gave you an honest answer. Sorry you don't like it. I think you're wrong on many points and I know what you think of me. That's fine. There are many people who don't agree that telling the BS about the A is the best thing. Obviously they haven't posted here because this appears to be the area where everyone believes that's the best way. I don't care whether you believe I'm trying or not. If I didn't care about changing I wouldn't be on here. I would be out with the OM. I'm not, nor I have been in months. I may not be doing it the way YOU think is right but I'll get through this either way.

But again the problem is people are rightfully pointing out some horrible and disrespectful behavior. Says nothing about needing to be perfect, just a decent human being.

 

 

 

So then I'm all kinds of confused. You admit this is what you need..so..the problem is..what? You say you don't want to feel like crap, but it's not just that. You don't want to take responsibility for anything you have done and you are A okay with misleading the man you pledged to honor and respect.

 

 

 

So again you see the problems, like it is a big deal you aren't going to see this piece of crap? You should be having zero contact with him. Not limited, but zero. If you are walking down the street and you see him you should immediately cross the street. Don't even acknowledge him.

 

 

 

Just wow, this made me sad to read. I just can't wrap my mind about how you could sit there and be so selfish and say the things you say. I just don't get it. Your rationale of not telling him so you don't hurt him. *SMH* Where was this concern before you cheated? Why is it always the WS's suddenly decide, after the fact, to care?

 

 

 

I feel so much sympathy for your husband. There really isn't anything else to say. This is depressing and yes no matter what you say: you are robbing this man of his life. I truly hope he somehow finds out on his own what you did. If there is any justice left in this world he will. But the sad truth is the poor man will be forever made a fool of by the one person in the world who promised to never do that to him.

[spookysonata]

Thing is, your actions don't match your words. That's what everybody is pointing out to you, and you're basically rebutting with "nuh-uh!"

Your words are right but your actions tell a different story. Actions are thoughts expressed.

[Pushing Forward]

My actions of not going NC yet? Is that what you're referring to? I can only say a hundred times I'm getting there. Sorry that because I didn't do it today it's not good enough for everyone here. What benefit is it to post here and constantly just bash someone who does want to fix things but because they're not doing it the way you want then it's not sufficient.

 

I'm curious, isn't this section for this IN an A and those affected by them? It appears it's only those on the other side. Is the goal to make WS feel bad for everything ever done to any BSs here, or to really offer support or constructive advice? The constant badgering no matter what I say does no good for anyone here especially those really wanting to change.

Thing is, your actions don't match your words. That's what everybody is pointing out to you, and you're basically rebutting with "nuh-uh!"

Your words are right but your actions tell a different story. Actions are thoughts expressed.

Edited July 10, 2014 by Pushing Forward

[spookysonata]

My actions of not going NC yet? Is that what you're referring to? I can only say a hundred times I'm getting there. Sorry that because I didn't do it today it's not good enough for everyone here. What benefit is it to post here and constantly just bash someone who does want to fix things but because they're not doing it the way you want then it's not sufficient.

 

I'm curious, isn't this section for this IN an A and those affected by them? It appears it's only those on the other side. Is the goal to make WS feel bad for everything ever done to any BSs here, or to really offer support or constructive advice? The constant badgering no matter what I say does no good for anyone here especially those really wanting to change.

 

You are being offered support and constructive advice, and you are receiving like a pouty teenager.

You came here for help. Lots of people took time out of their lives to offer it. And yes, not going NC is exactly what I'm talking about. You can claim that you want to change but words are empty when they aren't backed up by action.

[A.Moscote]

Relax PF, be patient, there are hundreds of us here involve/affected by infidelity, the comments of every different kind will continue, just reply/answer whom you want and when it won't upset you too much.

 

Spooky's posts may be a bit critical, but again, try to wade through the tone and you'd gain a lot. Especially this one; Actions are thoughts expressed.

 

My actions of not going NC yet? Is that what you're referring to? I can only say a hundred times I'm getting there.

 

At the very least, to say it for hundred times is still quite a feat. So hopefully it will be a real mantra propelling you forward.

Be strong, act sincerely, and take your time.

[HereNorThere]

I read your other post to make sure people weren't jumping the gun and they aren't.

 

Amicable - (of relations between people) having a spirit of friendliness; without serious disagreement or rancor. So by this definition, yes, you can totally be amicable about it. Just say "I'm sorry this goes against my morals and values and now we must go and repair all the people we have hurt. No hard feelings."

 

Why do we all have the feeling you are asking something entirely different? You see, we want to give advice on having healthy relationships and receive advice in return. If you're looking to be enabled, we can't help you. It also seems like you do not think you will ever get caught, but there's a high probability that you will one day. People discover or confess things like this even years later. Imagine how hurt your whole family is going to be once they find out you traded their mental health and security for a little side action. I promise you, it will make breaking this little obsession of yours seem a cake walk.

 

Do the right thing OP. You know what it is. Use your sense of empathy to imagine how you would feel if you were your husband. Can you imagine how it would feel to know you were exposed to a stranger's sexual bodily fluids? Can you imagine reliving all the times you were lied to? Can you imagine explaining all of this to both of your parents, children, friends, etc. You have to embrace these thoughts and let the utter disgusting nature of your actions be your motivation for stopping.

Edited July 10, 2014 by HereNorThere

[jackslife]

I know it does seem like you are being ganged up on and there are a lot of BS on here who give advice. Given the fact they are the ones that have been cheated on it should come as no surprise that in the main their advice is what it is.

 

As a WS my pov would be that like a lobster pot an affair is a lot easier to get into than get out of. There are a lot of WS and OW/OM on this site who have had affairs and seen their lives made miserable by it.

 

So far you've got away with it, and as long as you go NC with OM and walk away you will get away with it. But, if you continue or have another affair then sooner or later you will be find out and then the **** will hit the fan. Are you prepared to gamble everything you have on this affair? Because that is what you are doing.

[Pushing Forward]

No and that's why I'm here reading all this. Thank you Jackslife.

 

I know it does seem like you are being ganged up on and there are a lot of BS on here who give advice. Given the fact they are the ones that have been cheated on it should come as no surprise that in the main their advice is what it is.

 

As a WS my pov would be that like a lobster pot an affair is a lot easier to get into than get out of. There are a lot of WS and OW/OM on this site who have had affairs and seen their lives made miserable by it.

 

So far you've got away with it, and as long as you go NC with OM and walk away you will get away with it. But, if you continue or have another affair then sooner or later you will be find out and then the **** will hit the fan. Are you prepared to gamble everything you have on this affair? Because that is what you are doing.