The thing that I'll never get over is the lies.

[Logik]

It's been 5 years since my divorce. Still single. I don't think I'll ever really have any space in my life for someone again. I know it sounds selfish but I guess that's just how I've conditioned myself to cope with what happened and slowly became more and more disconnected from the world. The only niggle I have is that she wasn't honest with me when she left. I don't care if it's difficult to tell the person some things but I feel that the truth is necessary for that person to understand the situation and move on with their lives. Don't lie to me and avoid any confrontation with your "I'm not discussing this" defence when confronted with difficult questions. Just tell me that you would rather have relations with another guy because he's "better than me". Be honest. It would've been hard to hear but I would've known from the beginning instead of trying to make things better.

 

That's the thing I'll never get past. The "close your eyes, block your ears and stamp your feet all while saying "lalalalala", until it's over and you get what you want", regardless of any repercussions, feelings, cost or responsibility. Wow, look how far I've come in 5 years. Here's to the next 30.

Edited July 7, 2014 by Logik

[Mr. Lucky]

Wow, look how far I've come in 5 years. Here's to the next 30.

 

Not sure how far you've come when you say this:

 

I don't think I'll ever really have any space in my life for someone again.

 

One promise I made myself during my divorce was that my cheating ex wasn't going to "win". In other words, the sh*t she put me through wasn't going to stop me from being a good father to our son, a good person and eventually a good partner to someone else. If you let one woman sour you on the entire female gender, you've given up an awful lot. Open your heart and your eyes, much life left to live...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Logik]

Wow, look how far I've come in 5 years. Here's to the next 30.

 

Bit of sarcasm there.

[M30USA]

Yea, I know what you mean. My ex made up false accusations about me in attempt to gain full custody of the kids. It's amazing the words that came out of her mouth in court. I actually said on the stand, "Where is this coming from?" Fortunately nobody believed her. But, yes, the lies are probably the most damaging part of it all. And I guarantee she looks back on the whole situation and believes she did nothing wrong. Somehow in her mind she believes the false accusations were justified and even the right thing to do.

[Mr. Lucky]

Bit of sarcasm there.

Understood. Was this also?

I don't think I'll ever really have any space in my life for someone again. I know it sounds selfish but I guess that's just how I've conditioned myself to cope with what happened and slowly became more and more disconnected from the world.

Mr. Lucky

[Logik]

Understood. Was this also?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

No. Not at all. Never been more serious in my life. I can never put myself in a situation like that again, where you need to place so much trust in another person. Also, I don't really think that there's a woman out there who can put up with me. This fact has been proven.

 

Some of us just don't play well with others.

[No Limit]

You fell for a slut. So did many others.

 

But just because this slut was female doesn't mean all females are sluts.

[health]

It's been 5 years since my divorce. Still single. I don't think I'll ever really have any space in my life for someone again. I know it sounds selfish but I guess that's just how I've conditioned myself to cope with what happened and slowly became more and more disconnected from the world. The only niggle I have is that she wasn't honest with me when she left. I don't care if it's difficult to tell the person some things but I feel that the truth is necessary for that person to understand the situation and move on with their lives. Don't lie to me and avoid any confrontation with your "I'm not discussing this" defence when confronted with difficult questions. Just tell me that you would rather have relations with another guy because he's "better than me". Be honest. It would've been hard to hear but I would've known from the beginning instead of trying to make things better.

 

That's the thing I'll never get past. The "close your eyes, block your ears and stamp your feet all while saying "lalalalala", until it's over and you get what you want", regardless of any repercussions, feelings, cost or responsibility. Wow, look how far I've come in 5 years. Here's to the next 30.

 

You have come far in 5 years. This is just a trigger. Her not listening or problem solving is just going to affect her in the long term. Her rebounding is a simple quick fix to bigger underlying issues. Just focus on your own growth and improvement. Forget liars.

[sugarlove]

I completely understand how you feel. Been divorced for 5 years and I still can't get over what he said in court to try to make me into this evil, crazy wife.

 

He basically went up to court and told them that I have no contribution the family as I wasn't working (at that time, my twins were 3 and my baby's 1), I remembered he brought his mistress to court as well with 2-3 thick folders filled with emails and texts I've written him, begging him not to do this to the kids.

 

Fortunately, the court was wise not to give him the satisfaction of looking through all those folders. But I was seriously traumatised by the whole experience. For a while, I didn't want to email or even text people I date because I'm worried of paper trails. And I'm scared not to even trust when someone tells me that he loves me, unconditionally.

 

I mistrust the idea of love, even though I've lot of love to give. But gradually, it does take dating quite a number of really nice, normal guys to give me faith that my exhusband was the only one that was completely screwed up in his head.

 

You will get there too, but you've got to take the first step to put yourself on the line and risk getting hurt to learn how to pick the right woman for you.