Is he cheating me with his friend?

[dgirl]

Hi, here's mi case: my boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year (he is my first boyfriend). When we had been together for just 3 months, I caught him some conversations from the messenger with some girls who were supposed to be his cybernetic girlfriends, I know for sure that they don't live at our same state and he stopped doing that but it hurt me so much that I just kept remembering him until he got sick and tired of that and we've had a fight every time I insinuated something related to that, that was wrong, I know, but I eventually got through that.

 

Later, we broke up for a month and came back, he confessed me that during the time we split, he dated someone but he couldn't even kiss her because of me.

 

There is this girl who is his best friend, she even works with him on a small bussiness he's got and they hang out together sometimes. She used to be my friend too, but before we split, she got so involved in our relationship that she turned her back on me to support him.

 

My boyfriend and I came back but decided not to tell anyone because everybody would try to give opinions about that. The day we decided to make it official, she got mad and said to my boyfriend it was because she felt like he didn't had confidence to her anymore, I was there and saw it all, the next time we all hanged out, she was noticeably mad al me, and also the other times, but she tries to be "nice" to me.

 

My best friend recently told me that someone who is confident, told her that my boyfriend and his friend had been having sex when we broke up, that really confused me because, even when my boyfriend says and shows me that he doesn't cheat on me, all his friend's reactions make me be almost sure that what they told me is true (she gets mad when she sees me, she always try to attract my boyfriend's attention, and always finds something to do with him even when it is not necessary). I don't know if my boyfriend got advantage of the situation of not telling anyone about our came-back and still dated her (if what they told me is true).

 

I know that might be something someone said just to keep us apart and when my boyfriend and I hang out with her, he is MOST OF THE TIME very nice and loving to me (even when at first I notice him like afraid of showing that). But the other day, he was talking to her and said "Don't worry ba...(baby)" and shut up, maybe he got confused because I was at his side... I don't know!

 

If she is her best friend, why didn't he told her we got back? I don't know what to do, sometimes there are things that make me think it's totally true and sometimes it's the opposite. I can't talk to him about this 'cause of what happened when I caught him those conversations when we had been together for 3 months; but that really hurts me because I love him so much, but if that's true, then I will have to leave him, in which case, I wouldn't like to leave and letting them just happy like that.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by dgirl

My boyfriend and I came back but decided not to tell anyone

 

Was that mostly his idea, not to tell anyone?

 

It wouldn't matter if he did have sex with the other girl while you were broken up, because he wasn't your boyfriend at the time. He could have at least been honest about it, though. I expect he felt that if told you the truth, though that you wouldn't want to be back with him.

 

It sounds like what happened was that he started up something with this girl behind your back, broke up with you to be with her, and then after a month decided that he liked you better. So, he gets back with you - but he's not quite finished with the other girl so he asks you "not to tell anyone that you are back together". Then he's cheating on his other girlfriend (his "best friend") with you for a while. Once he finally breaks it off with her, then he decides that its ok to "make it official". He didn't tell his "best friend" that he was back with you, because he was too busy having sex with her.

 

He came back to you, but if he's still talking to his "best friend" and referring to her as "baby' - then you can be sure that something is going on. For all you know he has her convinced that he's going to leave you any day and go back with her. Its even more difficult, because they work together at his business. You could insist that he fire her, but man - would that be an ugly situation. The revenge she would take on him as a business owner and her employer would no doubt be unmerciful.

 

I'd say he's playing you both, and he's in a spot where he isn't going to be able to sever contact with this other woman (nor does he probably want to), so the best you can do is gather up your strength and send him on his way.

[dgirl]

Thank you! I hadn't think about that.

 

There are some few things more I've to say: the decision on not telling anyone when we got back was both's and we were at this restaurant with some friends and her, when I decided to tell everybody about that, and he said it was ok, he even showed himself kind of excited on doing that.

 

I also have to admit that during this year of relation we haven't had sex because I don't feel ready yet, maybe in a future (not necessarily when we get married) , and I told him that, so we only kissed and touched ourselves without any penetration. A month after we got back, he told me that he'd rather stop doing that because for him was difficult doing that and not having any penetration, I was shocked at first but it was ok for me, he said that it would be difficult for him but that it was ok if we didn't have sex until we got married (if so); he acted a little bit strange for like three days after that, but later, everything came back as normal and he has started to kiss me again and showing himself lovely and caring to me, although he keeps his position on not doing "peeting".

 

I repeat that I love him so much, but if he has been cheating on me I don't want just to go leaving him like if nothing bad had happened.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'm not sure what to say. If you want to know if he cheated you'll have to do some research. If he did cheat on you, he isn't ever going to tell you unless you put undisputable proof right in front of his face - because he knows he'll lose what he has. The only way you'll know is to find some proof of it, should you want to know for sure. Ask your friend who told you they were having sex and find out how they were so sure about it. Then go from there. If you are up to it, you can also consider talking to this other woman after you find some more information.