SuperFantastico Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Ok this girl that i've been trying to not be friends with for about 2 months tried to contact me yesterday and again today. I havnt contacted her at all for 2 months. and i use to every week sometimes twice or 3 times a week. Quick background story. I fell for her 10 years ago and shes known that i've been head over heels for her for 7 of those years. But she only liked me as a friend. I have tried to be just a friend with her, but whenever she gets a boyfriend it kills me. I now know i will always have feelings for her, and even if she came to me today and professed her undying love to me and that she wanted to date me i would say no. I know it would never work. We just tend to push each others buttons(after knowing someone that long, with certain tension it happens) I havnt told her of my decision though, because there have been a few times over the years that things have boiled over and we havnt taked for months. So i figured the best way would be to just stop. Hoping she would figure it out. I dont want to talk to her out of fear my resolution would waver. She is the only woman that has the ability to pierce every defence i have. So i would like advice on what to do. Should i email her(i know its wussy and cheesy) and tell her whats happening. Or should i just continue to ignore her? She will probably get the message. Link to post Share on other sites
sleeplessindallas Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 In your situation, SF, tell her the truth. I was involved in a FWB relationship a while back that went on for several months. We both started to have feelings for each other, and that was not where we wanted to go. Despite that, we continued to see each other for a little while, then suddenly and mysteriously, he just stopped returning my calls, or would say he would love to get together (via email) and then I wouldn't hear from him. It frustrated the hell out of me. Finally, since we had a great email relationship, I just spilled everything in an email. I told him that, whether he liked it or not, one of the 'responsibilities' of being friends is that you at least stay in touch, and you are at least honest with each other. I told him that standing me up and not responding to calls was really damaging our friendhip and was really hurting my feelings, and that since the only person who could protect me was me, I was making a choice not to contiue to try to keep the friendship alive. If he wanted to, that was entirely up to him, but HE would be the one making the effort. He wrote back, confessing that he was really scared because he did have feelings for me and didn't know what he could do since a real relationship didn't work for him right then. He was trying to figure it out and didn't mean to hurt me while he was sorting things out and staying away. He was scared that since I was free to pursue any relationship I chose, I would find someone and that would be hard for him. I told him that I respected what he was saying, but that I would not hold my breath waiting for him to decide if he wanted to pursue something or not. And that was fine. (It was hard to walk away, but it would have been harder and lengthier to just wait it out.) We are occasional friends, still, and have great affection for each other and probably always will, but the FWB is over, and we don't have any kind of regular contact at all - maybe twice in the last couple of years. Moral of the story? Just let her know it hurts too much to continue the way you have been and that you need some time to let the feelings subside. When you feel ready to continue your friendship, you can, but in the meantime, she isn't allowed to toy with your feelings and you aren't going to cooperate. I wouldn't hesitate to email all of this to her, and ask her to just respect your feelings and leave you alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuperFantastico Posted February 19, 2005 Author Share Posted February 19, 2005 I guess you are right. She probably thinks im pissed off or something. But my guts twist up even if i think about contacting her at all. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Here i go. Link to post Share on other sites
sleeplessindallas Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 And you really will be relieved when it's done. You are freeing yourself to move on, and you have every right to do that and protect yourself and your tender feelings. You're making the healthy decision, even though it's really miserbale to do it at first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuperFantastico Posted February 19, 2005 Author Share Posted February 19, 2005 Well i've done it. Just an email, but at least i said everything i needed to say. Its releaving for sure, but at the same time its sad because now its finally done. I guess its time to look forward. I've looked back for way too long. Looks like a big foggy grassy hilly plain to me. Couple of cities in the distance. Guess its time to stretch me legs and see what life has for me out there Link to post Share on other sites
sleeplessindallas Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 If you keep looking back you'll trip and fall. (Man, is that an OLD adage, or what?) With the freedom you just granted yourself, you have *everything* to look forward to. Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
gridiron Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Originally posted by SuperFantastico Well i've done it. Just an email, but at least i said everything i needed to say. Its releaving for sure, but at the same time its sad because now its finally done. Hey Super, I've read a few of your previous posts without replying, but just wanted to say congrats on doing this. I have been in a similar situation before and know how difficult it can be, especially as long as this went on for you. Judging by the amount of intelligence and humor in your posts, I am sure you will find some civilians to welcome you with open arms in those cities you are approaching. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuperFantastico Posted February 21, 2005 Author Share Posted February 21, 2005 LoL. I sure hope so. Its tough because she was such a big part of my life for so long. Its amputating a leg at this point. But i will just have to get myself a cool robotic one in its place You know they actually have diagnosed unrequented love as a pretty serious condition recently. Maybe i can get a doctor to proscribe a bevey of beautiful women to ease the pain. I'll be fine eventually im sure. I went about it the right way this time. I waited like 2 months before contacting her, so i had the time to prepare myself. She hasnt emailed me back or anything since. She has a boyfriend right now so she'll be ok too. And unlike most of her boyfriends, this one seemed pretty decent. Anyways, there is always hope for use hopeless romantics. Link to post Share on other sites
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