Any OM out there that DON'T want MW to leave their BH?

[NovemberSweetness]

So I'm moving into my new place soon and my OM has been acting distant. He's aware that I'm separating from my BH because I don't have love for him any more and haven't for the past few years, not because of him (OM).

 

Our communication has been mostly by text and now I feel like I'm the one initiating almost all of the contact. We've been in an A for about 8 mos now. Is it possible he's lost interest because I'm no longer "taken"? He knows we cant be out in the open with our R due to several factors so it would still have to be kept under wraps.

 

Could he be afraid of something?

 

Any thoughts from OW would also be appreciated.

[SammySammy]

*raises hand*

 

She told me many times that she would divorce her husband and marry me. I'm not the marrying type though. I was honest with her and told her that she was better of staying with her husband because she had absolutely no future with me. I was strictly a lover, but she had dreams and fantasies of much more. Still does.

[yogachic]

I would guess maybe because you both aren't in the same situation...you're soon to be single and he is married and I'm guessing not getting a d anytime soon so it kind of makes the relationship 'uneven'....

[NovemberSweetness]

Just a little more background....he is not married, he's about two years divorced.

 

I've never told him that I want to have a future with him. I only speak of the present and have never mislead or future faked him. I know he doesn't want to be the cause of my breakup and I took great care to make sure he knew he wasn't.

[still_an_Angel]

OM might be worried that you will want more from him as you are soon-to-be free and available for M. He has just gotten out of his M and whatever happened there might have traumatised him about getting M again.

 

 

Also, being in the A is a part time relationship, a far cry most of the time from the realities of everyday life. Now that you free, there will be a change in the dynamics of your relationship and he might be only wanting to keep it at part time level.

[Friskyone4u]

This happens a lot when one of the partners in an affair leaves their spouse. All of a sudden the reality of that this is no longer an illicit exciting sex affair hits home and the fact that one person may be looking for something more hits home.

This is especially true I believe when women with children blow up their marriage over an affair thinking they will be free to be with AP. All of a sudden the AP sees the possibility of the responsibility of someone else's kids instead of the exciting no strings physical encounters and it does not look so exciting.

You left your an for other reasons so may not be case here.

For some people they get in "Disneyland" when they are in affair and don't think the end result through

[DKT3]

Its really hard for some women to understand, but most guys simply don't get as emotionally vested in relationships. Not just affairs, but any relationship.

 

You being married may work out best for him, be it he is a busy man with work or other women or what ever. Maybe he just doesn't want to be serious.

 

I think it would be best that you don't put too much focus on him, he likely won't be around long.

[NovemberSweetness]

Thank you all for your input. It makes sense now why he's pulling back. I guess I might be a little more emotionally invested in him than I thought I was because hearing this kinda hurts!

 

Its not like I want to marry him or anything...the sex is great and I enjoy his company. Is that too much to ask? We do have an undeniably amazing physical connection that I don't want to lose. How can I convey this to him without scaring him away??

 

He's made comments in the past that he wishes we could date openly (we cant because we're in the same social circle) and he's said that he gets lonely and jealous knowing when I'm with H. We've never said ILY to each other.