How do you cope? [update]

[IMsodumb]

I ignore, go NC, he emails just enough to suck me back in. I finally relent, respond in kind and *POOF* the disappearing act again!!!

 

Does he care? Why do "I" care???? He's married!! OMG, WHY does he keep telling me he cares, misses me, wants to see me, NEEDS to see me then stops responding when I respond?!?!?!

 

Any MOM care to elaborate on the male mind? Like, seriously WTF?!?!?!

[Quiet Storm]

He likes you and enjoys you, but also has other things in his life to focus on. He wants to keep you in his life so that you are there when he is ready to interact with you. When you get upset or ignore him, it creates a problem for him because you won't be there when he wants you to be. So he makes an effort and gives you more attention, with the hopes that you will be willing to be available to him again. Once the immediate crisis is over, he is back to putting in minimal effort.

 

The thing you should focus on is how this is all about him, his needs, his wants, his convenience, etc. When you are ignoring him, he isn't thinking "She must be really hurting. This whole situation must be really hard on her. I don't want to hurt her feelings anymore." He's thinking "Uh oh. She won't pay attention to me, how can I get her to want me again?"

[georgia girl]

He likes you and enjoys you, but also has other things in his life to focus on. He wants to keep you in his life so that you are there when he is ready to interact with you. When you get upset or ignore him, it creates a problem for him because you won't be there when he wants you to be. So he makes an effort and gives you more attention, with the hopes that you will be willing to be available to him again. Once the immediate crisis is over, he is back to putting in minimal effort.

 

The thing you should focus on is how this is all about him, his needs, his wants, his convenience, etc. When you are ignoring him, he isn't thinking "She must be really hurting. This whole situation must be really hard on her. I don't want to hurt her feelings anymore." He's thinking "Uh oh. She won't pay attention to me, how can I get her to want me again?"

 

 

Truer words have not been spoken on this board! He doesn't care that this hurts you. It is ALL about him. Walk away. Even if you "won" this guy, you would be losing! You are worth wayyyyyy more than him!

[thekid36]

I ignore, go NC, he emails just enough to suck me back in. I finally relent, respond in kind and *POOF* the disappearing act again!!!

 

Does he care? Why do "I" care???? He's married!! OMG, WHY does he keep telling me he cares, misses me, wants to see me, NEEDS to see me then stops responding when I respond?!?!?!

 

Any MOM care to elaborate on the male mind? Like, seriously WTF?!?!?!

 

 

This is a response as a male. He likes to play that fun game called Mixed Messages and contacts you when it is convenient for him. He does not care for you the way in which you deserve because of all else going on within his life. No matter how amazing you think he is, nothing good can really come of this. You need to take control back of your own happiness and stop being there when he is ready.

[Arieswoman]

IMsodumb, I went out with guy like this ( blow hot/blow cold ) many years ago.

 

In 4 months we only had 6 dates.

 

I eventually came to my senses and told him to either "tinkle or get off the potty". He said "I'll ring you". I told him not to bother. He did ring several times and I just hung up on him.

 

Months later I met a girl who also went out with him but she was daft enough to have sex with him. He had her on a string for years and it really chewed her up. I did try to warn her but she wouldn't listen.

 

I can only conclude he had some kind of a problem with commitment.

 

You need to cut your losses now before you invest any more of your precious time with this "user".

Edited July 17, 2014 by Arieswoman

[whichwayisup]

I ignore, go NC, he emails just enough to suck me back in. I finally relent, respond in kind and *POOF* the disappearing act again!!!

 

Does he care? Why do "I" care???? He's married!! OMG, WHY does he keep telling me he cares, misses me, wants to see me, NEEDS to see me then stops responding when I respond?!?!?!

 

Any MOM care to elaborate on the male mind? Like, seriously WTF?!?!?!

 

Question really should be why do you keep on letting him treat you this way? What are you getting out of this hot/cold, I'll talk to you and now I'll ignore you game?

 

You actually have all the power here. Just stop. Cut him out of your life and make it impossible for him to contact you. Problem solved.

 

This man isn't in love with you, he has no respect for you either. Sorry..

 

He isn't leaving his wife. He likes the ego feed, he enjoys that he can treat you like shi.t, then be nice to you and you come running to him just so he can shut the door in your face.

 

GET MAD! This situation is really dysfunctional and unhealthy and it's driving you nuts. Respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better.

[whichwayisup]

Time I suppose is the only healer.

 

I broke NC today. Stupid, stupid!!!! Of course I get a response back right away making me feel as if I have blown the silence out of proportion and it was all in my head as he had "important stuff" going on. My priority on his "scale of priorities" this week had dipped substantially I suppose. I don't care who you are, in MY world, I respond and make time for people who take the time to make time for me.

 

As I sit here and think about it. I now wonder if leaving town will give him another opportunity to replace, not only his wife, but me now as well. I served my purpose, on to the next OW!!

 

I'm at the anger phase now......to be honest, being angry feels MUCH better than feeling sad for a loss that isn't worth being sad about. I refuse to let someone have that much power over my happiness.

 

Good riddance!!

 

Do you see the game play here? And how he knows his behaviour is sh,tty yet he is making it seem like it's all in your head and your fault.

 

This guy is NOT a nice person, he doesn't care about you. He cares about himself and that's it!

 

Bolded part - MAKE yourself stay in the anger stage to help you see that this guy is a total douche and not worthy of another tear or sadness. Good riddance is right!

[IMsodumb]

Well, I finally did it. I blocked him. It was VERY hard to do. The curiosity will kill me for awhile but it needed to be done.

 

As much as it was my fault allowing him to treat me as poorly as he is, I still wish my email would have some feature that would send an auto reply back to the effect of;

 

"You have been blocked"

"Tired of being your option so I made myself a priority"!

 

Instead it just auto deletes it so I will never know if he emailed me back. I hope the silence from my end will speak volumes though. I hope the silence bothers him as much as it did me.

 

Goodbye......it was fun....

[OWAmy]

Well, I finally did it. I blocked him. It was VERY hard to do. The curiosity will kill me for awhile but it needed to be done.

 

As much as it was my fault allowing him to treat me as poorly as he is, I still wish my email would have some feature that would send an auto reply back to the effect of;

 

"You have been blocked"

"Tired of being your option so I made myself a priority"!

 

Instead it just auto deletes it so I will never know if he emailed me back. I hope the silence from my end will speak volumes though. I hope the silence bothers him as much as it did me.

 

Goodbye......it was fun....

 

That's great. Good for you!

 

I'm on Day 29/30 of no contact (had to tot that up as no longer that big a deal) and it really helps you get over them having no means of contact. I don't Internet stalk either. I would have done it sooner had I realised it was this easy and I was in my affair 3.5yrs. Sending the email initiating no contact was the hardest thing for me. Well done!