How to save him before he hurts himself or someone else

[Kizmet Fisher]

This is a thread I never thought I would have to write...

 

Concisely put, my ex boyfriend (who has since become my best friend) is struggling with severe alcoholism and drug addiction. It's been going on a while but it's never been this bad. I know in my head that I can't save him - he has to do that himself - but at this point he is a complete and utter danger to himself and others. Before I begin, I think it's important to note that he is definitely not a bad person, despite his careless behaviour. He's wonderful actually and I definitely want to try to help him if I can.

 

What concerns me:

 

• He drinks several litres of hard liquor a day (mainly vodka).
  
• He spends $200 a week on MDMA.
  
• He drives around with a water bottle filled with vodka and skulls it as he drives.
  
• When he drives he speeds, and has been known to go more than one hundred km/hr over the limit.
  
• His short term memory has taken a massive hit.
  
• He often has unprotected sex with randoms while under the influence, and never remembers it.
  
• Lately he has started losing time. Like he'll go to bed Thursday night and wake up Sunday with no idea of anything that happened inbetween.
  

 

And it's not like this is an occassional thing. He is literally like this every day now, but most people don't realise because he is very highly functioning. But he's definitely drowning in his addictions, and revealed to me recently that he updated his life insurance policy to include death by suicide.

 

I've tried talking to him about this but he just acknowledges the problem jokingly, and tells me not to worry - that everything is fine. Only it isn't.

 

I don't know what to do about any of this, or even if I can do anything. I'm hoping that's where you lovely individuals can come in.

[d0nnivain]

You can try getting him an intervention but they are very expensive & I'm not sure they work.

 

 

You can also go to Al-Anon meetings so you can better understand your relationship with an alcoholic.

 

 

Beyond that unless you are willing to call the police when you know he's been drinking & driving & give them his license plate & whereabouts there is not much you can do.

 

 

Addicts have to WANT to get sober & most don't until well after they have hit rock bottom.

[Emilia]

You can't save people from themselves OP, you know this, right?

[CarrieT]

Sounds exactly like my Ex - the one that brought me to LS all those years ago.

 

And I spent 2 1/2 years trying to help my alcoholic. Go to Al-Anon meetings and learn that you are an enabler. Eventually you will learn that there is nothing you can do.

 

I hoped, prayed, and waited - believing that my guy loved me more than his alcohol. Like yours, he would fill water bottles with vodka. He drove around with alcohol in a commuter mug.

 

Ultimately, I had to leave the relationship and his mother (worth in excess of $10 MILLION), paid to have my Ex put into a very swanky rehab program. Twice. Even she has washed her hands of him.

 

You can't help someone who won't help themselves.

[ja123]

Suggest that he be screened for Bi-polar.

 

 

The alcohol/drugs could be to self-medicate.

 

 

The speeding while driving and risky sex could be symptoms.

 

 

If he's bi-polar and it's treated and controlled, it will be easier to get the alcohol and drugs under control, too, with the proper support.

 

 

Good luck!

[Zippity-Doo-Dah]

Maybe if you walk away from him it would be the beginning of a wake-up call. The best thing you can do is walk away and I mean REALLY walk away, not just threaten to. In fact - don't even say anything to him. Just go. Yes - it will break your heart. Save yourself and move on. He is the only one responsible for his actions (although I really like the idea of reporting when you know he's in the car - it's the responsible thing to do.)

 

He's going over a cliff. Don't go with him.

 

Z

[Smilecharmer]

The sadness of dealing with addiction is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, kismet. I'm so sorry you are losing your friend and ex. Unfortunately, if you have guided him towards AA, asked him to please go to his GP, been evaluated for mental illnesses and disorders, and talked to him about his addictions with concern, you have done all you can do. Now it is up to him. People have to hit bottom to find their reason to quit and most never find hit that bottom but live in an addiction purgatory where they slowly sink into acceptance.