Author spiderowl Posted July 11, 2014 Author Share Posted July 11, 2014 I don't understand why are you upset? Like tons of guys have married and been with girls who were 20 years younger than them and everyone seems to accept that. Now when few seems to prefer girls and women who are older them, you are upset and make it sound like the end of the world. Why! I guess it bothers me because I suspect it's just that they have few options and so are 'spreading the net' wider as it were. That's why I can't see it as good or flattering. Also, it doesn't make sense from a relating point of view for people to be from different generations. I suspect they'd have their fun and the move on when they wanted to settle down. How is that flattering or good? Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted July 11, 2014 Author Share Posted July 11, 2014 It's very real and practical. Older women know what they want, ask for what they want, and usually get what they want without all the headaches and dating nonsense. More importantly if they don't get what they want they're not going to go pyscho on the guy but will look over his shoulder for the next guy. I'll admit to one time being a horny young guy and wanting nothing but older women. They don't mess around. When you're young and horny, you don't always want to deal with that hot young chick who's trying to keep you in her back pocket. At the same time she holding out on sex with you while dating and banging 4 or 5 other guys. Why spend copious amounts of dollars on dates with a youngin' who's way too concerned with how your looks compliment hers and whether her hair is going to get messed up during sex. Older women want action and most don't care about the stupid stuff to enjoy good sex. Well, that's another perspective! Thanks. I still don't get the bit where young guys say an older woman 'knows what she wants'. The older women I know would rather have a fulfilling relationships (including sex), than a brief fling with young guy who then dumps them for a younger woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Well, that's another perspective! Thanks. I still don't get the bit where young guys say an older woman 'knows what she wants'. The older women I know would rather have a fulfilling relationships (including sex), than a brief fling with young guy who then dumps them for a younger woman. I not to sure about this, you hear of many stories where the younger guy wants more from the older woman than just sex. But she sees the age gap as too great and ends it if he persists. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted July 11, 2014 Author Share Posted July 11, 2014 I not to sure about this, you hear of many stories where the younger guy wants more from the older woman than just sex. But she sees the age gap as too great and ends it if he persists. Yes, and I can completely understand that. What woman wants to take the risk of falling in love with a young guy and then 5-10 years down the line him disappearing off with a woman of his own age (because that is what was at the back of his mind all along and the older woman was a short-term convenience)? No, there is no point getting emotionally involved with someone much younger. He's just not thinking ahead and, well, being mature about it. Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Yes, and I can completely understand that. What woman wants to take the risk of falling in love with a young guy and then 5-10 years down the line him disappearing off with a woman of his own age (because that is what was at the back of his mind all along and the older woman was a short-term convenience)? No, there is no point getting emotionally involved with someone much younger. He's just not thinking ahead and, well, being mature about it. Yes! I don't want to have a Demi Moore moment some time in my future. Ugh. OTOH, I do think there could be situations where it really works and both parties are full in for the long term. In my situation, since I'm right out of a very LTR and I don't feel like it would be ideal to get right into another LTR, I kinda feel like it's worth the risk. I can imagine falling for him, but I can also imagine just having a great time and enjoying his company and both of us moving on to other people but still able to be friends. I guess that's my fantasy ending... We'll see. So, I've been thinking about his motivation (and that of the other two under-30 guys I've had flirtations with lately) and this guy (and could apply to the others, too) may really just be into our dancing chemistry. That's definitely what got and kept my attention about him and he has said things that make it seem likely. I guess I'm hoping that he's not just into old women, but that I'm so cool and awesome that it doesn't negate all my other wonderful qualities. Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Maybe some will work, but a lot of males will eventually want offspring, and then I can see a lot of these relationships ending. But as long as you view it as a shorter term thing and don't get too attached, then enjoy it if it makes you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenHeartAndWings Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 We both have jobs and split the bills equally. Here and there one went through a period of unemployment or a slow season for my business and as a married couple, the other just picked up the slack for those couple months. I have slightly more savings and a slightly better car, but otherwise I don't see any difference from a same age couple ! Also, I used to be a "rock chick", managed a recording studio, but haven't been to shows in a while. My H recently befriended the guitarist of a local band, nice guy, and we've been going to a few of his shows lately and YEAH: I may be 20 yrs older than a lot of these chicks, but seriously, I'm in better shape and get hit on more often than the chunky, drunky 20 somethings ! *Note: husband is 20 yrs younger, 18 inches taller and 120 lbs heavier, there are some numbers for ya ! ( And yes, it happened organically. We worked together and became friends and I tried to deflect the situation but finally gave in and am glad I did ! When I DID try OLD I too was INUNDATED with guys in their 20's ! ) Just noticed your post. Wish I could PM you for some advice and tips! You seem like a happy, positive person with a lot of confidence. I've dated younger men as well. I have friends who've been happily married for decades to men 15-20 years younger. I've had LTRs with much younger men. I've also dated my age and older. Age isn't an issue. It's all about their maturity, in my opinion. Where do you meet all these guys who hit on you? Do you have some tips for those of us starting over? I'm newly single and putting myself out there again. I'm in shape, too, but I'm a tall blonde. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Women in their 30s and up still look good and they have their heads screwed on straight. I hate to sterotype but if a man wants a healthy and low drama relationship he is going to have a hard time with twenty somethings. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Brokenheartandwings : keep posting on here and when you reach some magic, unknown number they let you PM people ! In general I think i have been hit on a lot simply because I am very approachable. I tend to smile at everybody and say hello when I'm out and about, I talk to people in grocery lines etc. One thing I know,most men like "warm" women. Some prefer the ice queen type, but most know that the onus is on them to make the approach so if you are warm and cute and smiley it makes it SO much easier for them ! My current husband I met at work, and my late husband who died at 24 yrs of age unexpectedly was my neighbor, so there is no specific "meet a mature younger guy who is looking for a LTR" place that I'm aware of, LOL ! Like I mentioned, when I did try online dating once, I too was shocked at how many young guys wrote me, but I feel like a situation like that has to happen organically and my sense was that for many of the online dudes I would have been something to cross off the bucket list. Then again with online dating, a great percentage of people of all ages and genders are players or complete loonies ! At all ages, people tend to either be relationship oriented or not. Both my younger husbands had a couple LTR's under their belt and never were the type to hang out at bars and try to rack up notches on their bedposts. Good luck, have fun, be true to yourself, speak your mind, don't settle and keep posting on LS so we can PM each other eventually ! MM 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikethemechanic Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Great thread! It opens up a can of feelings for me. One case in particular a female friend of mine from work married a guy 9 years younger. Must say that I had doubts from the get go but never said so. A little background on the girl who married a younger guy, her parents were wealthy retirees during the courtship phase the parents took the both of them on trips to Costa Rica etc. Bought her a new Mercedes then even paid for an extravagant wedding. Later got them a swank apartment in a wealthy part of town, still my doubts persisted. Christmas rolled around a group of us including her and hubby went to a posh new restaurant the kind where the meal came to $300.00 inside the restaurant was a bar packed full. Her hubby was acting strangely for example he was using his phone a lot most people text but he talked on the phone constantly going in and out of the bathroom. He excused himself to go to the bathroom but didn't come back for 30 min, when he did return he made note of how busy the bathroom was however when I went it wasn't so busy. Then he excused himself again to go to the bathroom because he had to much to drink, this time I followed behind him at a safe distance right too the entrance. A young lady arrived in a taxi hubby opened the cab door for her paid the taxi driver fare than proceeded to kiss the young girl on the lips. The two of them went into the bar section and sat down in a private booth. He returned excusing himself for the interruption only to get a phone who he said was his mother again he excused himself because the background was too loud. I followed again and he was on the dance floor with the young girl however the dance floor was unaccessible to the restaurant you had to go through a door again saw more kissing then he returned only later to get another phone call from his mother. To this day I have never told his wife about it. But it confirmed my suspicions about younger guys using the resources of older women to get the younger women. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 You do realize that one anecdote about one guy does not define all age gap relationships right ? And that if you check out the infidelity section you will find mostly same age couples that are cheating on their partners ? Regardless, I'm not wealthy, my husband currently makes more than I do, and I'm the one who has to beat off potential suitors with a stick. Thanks SO much for sharing that story though, based on that I guess i'll just go call a divorce lawyer now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikethemechanic Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Last night the bartender shared with me her story, she married a guy 2 years younger. Ex H ran a small landscaping business where it was just him who did the work. Now enter her, they started dating and she quit her job to work with him. He had her out in mud up to her ankles pulling out roots and stones, finally their business caught wind and he hired more help. With the surplus money they married and she continued to work for free. A few years later they divorced due to his romance for a much younger women. An old lady sitting next to me at the bar said that her xh owned a trucking company. When he started they had just one truck a guess who drove the truck she did that's who while he worked at a second job. Later they purchased another truck followed by another. Yes he left her for a much younger women. But I saved the best for last, I work in law enforcement. A women was bought in for questioning since her hubby was nearly killed by the same outlaw mc that he had been a part off. Here was her side of the events she married a guy who didn't have a good job. Her father was a president for one of the biggest outlaw motor cycle clubs in the world. Xh was made a member almost immediately and the two of them ran a successful strip joint they had all the money needed to have a good life. Hubby left her for a girl 19 years his junior the worse part was this affair went on for years behind her back. Her dad the president nearly killed him and kicked him out of the club. Sometimes the best way to attain financial independence is through a female. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Oh yay, two more anecdotes about two azzhole guys. Here I've got one for you. My former friend married a woman 7 yrs younger. He is of poor moral character and has a massive ego. He cheated on her before and during their marriage. He's a red head, so anyone who marries a redhead is likely to get cheated on. The End. I really think you should be posting in the infidelity section. Correlation does not imply causation. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mikethemechanic Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Oh yay, two more anecdotes about two azzhole guys. Here I've got one for you. My former friend married a woman 7 yrs younger. He is of poor moral character and has a massive ego. He cheated on her before and during their marriage. He's a red head, so anyone who marries a redhead is likely to get cheated on. The End. I really think you should be posting in the infidelity section. Correlation does not imply causation. Well I hope that he finds the ol gal attractive because if doesn't, might ask why is he with her. No correlation doesn't equate causation but it is a comparison. You can't understand a phenomena unless you compare it with another phenomena this is a process of thinking! Freud said that there dangerous forces deep inside the unconscious and unless those forces are repressed it'll unleash those forces. Levi Strauss said that as a society we are nihilistic, a people who can't define moral values. So was is the win in the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenHeartAndWings Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 You do realize that one anecdote about one guy does not define all age gap relationships right ? And that if you check out the infidelity section you will find mostly same age couples that are cheating on their partners ? Regardless, I'm not wealthy, my husband currently makes more than I do, and I'm the one who has to beat off potential suitors with a stick. Thanks SO much for sharing that story though, based on that I guess i'll just go call a divorce lawyer now. Hehe! When I was with my ex, I had guys hitting on me all the time, in front of him! I guess when you're happy and in love, you have this "glow" that other men pick up on? MelodyMatters, you must share your flirting tips with us! LOL When I go out, with friends or alone, plenty of guys stare and stare, stand next to me, fidget and act nervous, and it's only the creeps who have the nerve to approach and make flirty conversation! LOL Ew. Link to post Share on other sites
mikethemechanic Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 (edited) Hehe! When I was with my ex, I had guys hitting on me all the time, in front of him! I guess when you're happy and in love, you have this "glow" that other men pick up on? MelodyMatters, you must share your flirting tips with us! LOL When I go out, with friends or alone, plenty of guys stare and stare, stand next to me, fidget and act nervous, and it's only the creeps who have the nerve to approach and make flirty conversation! LOL Ew. I would say that women prefer men of confidence but that would be macho too say that! Edited July 27, 2014 by mikethemechanic Link to post Share on other sites
utterbetrayal Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I think as long as two people are on equal footing as far as maturity is concerned, age should not matter. I am currently going through divorce and will be entering the dating market soon enough. Even though I am 49, and my soon to be X-Wife is 40, we never had kids due to both of us concentrating on careers. Having kids is and has always been one of my lifelong desires. For those of you who think that we should all find someone our own age.....my question to you is.....Why? Even though I am older, I am very well off financially which is attractive to any woman who is looking to settle down and start a family, regardless of what age they are. If they are really interested in starting a family, then they are already mature enough to date whomever they find interesting and whomever finds them interesting. In my case, I am limited on my prospects since I still want to have kids which means that I need to find someone who is younger than I am.....much younger than I am. Fortunately, I am a young looking 49 with a full head of hair and very physically fit. As long as your motives are pure of heart, I say fulfill your dreams no matter what anyone else says. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I think there's a certain intrigue these younger men have. Be it sexual, emotional, mental, or a combination. Older women can come across as very confident, sexy, funny, laid back, and interesting. We've got some older women on this very site who are all that, and more!!! I can understand the attraction, older women are less likely to play games or be less "coo-coo" than younger ones. Link to post Share on other sites
solway86 Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 (edited) Some relationships with older women do work, but it isn't always the stereotype of younger man, older woman, just for sex/good times/hot fun, whatever, they can genuinely have a connection. It's probably down to society's attitude to older man, younger woman being seen as more acceptable, where as the inverse, this situation, is seen as either odd, or just weird by some. As for me, I do like older women, but not just in a sexual attraction/lust kind of way; many of them are friends of mine too. So friendship could be one possible reason too. Not everyone wants kids, either. Edited August 7, 2014 by solway86 Add some more info. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts