PinkEagles Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I've been dating a girl for 8 months now. About a year before we met she had broken it off with a guy after 3 years. For the first few months we dated just about every story she told me would begin with "one time my ex and I..." She talked about him constantly, everything from small stories to specific sexual encounters, to how he was her best friend and how close they were andhow great it was to date someone you're best friends with too. Finally I told her it made me very uncomfortable to hear about him this much and she said she totally understood and has stopped. The problem is now I can't stop thinking about him. I feel terribly insecure about it. I think about her lovemaking stories when we're in bed together and wonder if I'm good enough. I worry that she'll never feel that I'm as much of a friend as he was to her, that we'll never be that close emotionally. To make matters worse I just met her family for the first time and they told stories about him constantly as well. Is this something I can work through, or is the damage done? Does anyone have any suggestions on ways I can talk to her about my insecurities without sounding crazy jealous? I've tried to talk to her before but she just tells me to live more in the present, and I don't want to keep bringing it up to the point of being annoying. Thanks for making it to the bottom and for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkEagles Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Live and learn, friend. I don't date women who talk about their exes like that. Three of my biggest red flags are here. Girl with male best friend, girl who is friends with her ex, and girl who talks about ex all the time. It doesn't help that it is all the same ex. That girl isn't dateable. In her defense she isn't still friends with him, nor have they talked since the breakup. They were just best friends before they started dating. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Yeaaa, I would have stopped dating her if she kept on talking about her ex. In fact a few girls have done that on first dates and it was the main reason they didn't get a 2nd. She has put him on a massive pedestal and built up huge expectations for you to live up to. Does she make you feel like you're better than him? It very much sounds like you're a rebound. FWIW my gf only ever mentions her ex in the context "omg I can't believe how much better you are". That is how it should be! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 In her defense she isn't still friends with him, nor have they talked since the breakup. They were just best friends before they started dating. That's no defense. She obviously still has feelings so her ex only has to give a whistle to get her in bed again. Link to post Share on other sites
sterlingarcher Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 She tells you to live more in the present, yet she is the one who keeps bringing up the past? Link to post Share on other sites
changchewsoon Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Dude, massive red flags everywhere. If I were you, she ain't getting any more dates with me in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Trane Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I've been dating a girl for 8 months now. About a year before we met she had broken it off with a guy after 3 years. For the first few months we dated just about every story she told me would begin with "one time my ex and I..." She talked about him constantly, everything from small stories to specific sexual encounters, to how he was her best friend and how close they were andhow great it was to date someone you're best friends with too. Finally I told her it made me very uncomfortable to hear about him this much and she said she totally understood and has stopped. The problem is now I can't stop thinking about him. I feel terribly insecure about it. I think about her lovemaking stories when we're in bed together and wonder if I'm good enough. I worry that she'll never feel that I'm as much of a friend as he was to her, that we'll never be that close emotionally. To make matters worse I just met her family for the first time and they told stories about him constantly as well. Is this something I can work through, or is the damage done? Does anyone have any suggestions on ways I can talk to her about my insecurities without sounding crazy jealous? I've tried to talk to her before but she just tells me to live more in the present, and I don't want to keep bringing it up to the point of being annoying. Thanks for making it to the bottom and for your help. You need to tell her to live in the present and stop regurgitating her past relationships into your current situation. Start talking about your past to her. That'll learn her! Link to post Share on other sites
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