Thinking about the future...

[anitav]

I had some issues a while back with my fiancee spending too much time away from me, with friends and/or work associates, etc., drinking excessively with them at times, etc. We had a big discussion about this and things have actually really improved. We are a few months from the wedding and our communication is much better and I feel much more content and so does he. My concern is this, he realized that his drinking was an issue and was a 'bachelor' habit and he's stopped doing that. But he still seems to need quite a bit of time with his friends and work contacts. By this I mean a couple nights a week, we see each other 3 to 4 times a week, and then the rest of the time is our own time, i.e. the gym, work stuff, whatever. I just wonder if he will need to have this consistent time away for always, i.e. when we live together and have a home (which we don't right now) will I be alone at night a lot of the time! He says no, he won't but somehow I have a feeling that he won't just switch his habits instantly the day after marriage. I guess I am worried too that he'll fall back into that 'let's sit around at the pub and have a 'few' drinks' routine, which he has on a couple of ocassions. Am I paranoid? Other than this, we really don't have other major issues in our relationship, any issues we have are small and easily resolved.

[lohrewok]

Never, ever, ever go into a marriage thinking, hoping, wishing you can change your man. It is not fair to him or to you. You need to accept him warts and all. Otherwise don't get married because those little quirks before marriage grow into big problems later.

[sumdude]

Well is a night a week away from you such an issue? BTW how old is your fiancee? No don't expect him to suddenly change his habits the day after marriage. It's always a bad idea to expect 'everything to change' after the wedding. Sure some things will but to expect that your spouse should suddenly be a different person and change all habits with a ring on is a bad idea.

[goout2]

If he spends time with his friends and co-workers so much....why can't you join them? Im dating a younger guy (very mature) and he is extremely close to his friends and he told me from the beginning that he was not going to stop hanging out with them....so what did i do? I joined them and i've never met such interesting and exciting people in my life...i have found new friends too!!!

 

Marriage is a big step and sacrifice he needs to give you attention too!!!

[TK]

I think your situation has a lot to do with maturity. They always say woman mature so much faster than men and it sounds like that is what you are going through. I think you should be honest with your man about your feelings. I had this same situation, My man is a total social butterfly he loves going out and joining work team etc... He proposed about 2 months ago and recently we had this discussion. I told him that I don't want to marry someone who leaves me at home 3 to 4 times a week and if we want children that is really not going to work. I explained to him I thought he was still acting like he was 21 and he is almost 30 and that if we want our marriage to be successful we need to work this out now. I told him I understand he enjoys being with his friends and I don't want that to stop completely but he has to refocus his attention to our life together and realize people have to grow up.

After our discussion our relationship improved so much we starting doing the things we love to do when we first dated and are focusing more on improving our new home. He stills goes to his friends which was I stress very strongly I didn't want him to not be social butterfly I fell in love with, but now he really seems to come home earlier and tell them no more often with makes me feel like he really wants our life together to work! So just be honest but not selfish remember marriage is something to work on together!!!