The seeds have been planted to win him back

[Jatli]

We have been broken up for 3 months now and it has been the worst 3 months of my life. But I have now planted the seeds to win him back.

 

He left me for another woman 3 months ago. I knew he was cheating for a couple of months but whenever I asked him he said no. When we broke up I asked him if there was another woman but he always said no even though I knew there was.

 

So I got my own place 2 months later. This was in February so when I moved at the end of March that is what I call my break up time. It wasn't a horrible break up there was no fighting, no mean words. Even the 2 months after he broke up with me and we still lived together, we still got along, still did not fight. We talked a lot, cried a lot and still laughed together, he still kissed me good-bye every morning but I still left as he said that he needed to do this.

 

Anyway, I mostly stayed NC. As I only moved across the street I would run into him from time to time while I was out walking and we were still pleasant with each other when we did see each other. I did not call him though.

 

The woman he left me for lives an hour away so I know he only saw her on the weekends.

 

I am still good friends with his sister-in-law and we would talk all the time and she wants us to get back together, but would not bother him abut it. She has also not met this "other woman" so I knew that it was not serious as I met her within 2 weeks of us dating.

 

So last weekend I started planting the seeds. I hadn't seen him or talked to him in a month so I texted him a picture of me and said haven't seen you in awhile, here is a pic so you don't forget what I look like. I didn't hear anything back.

 

About 3 hours later he texted me to call him and I left it and did not. About 10 minutes later my phone rang it was him. I picked up and we talked. I asked him if he was seeing anyone and he finally said yes, but it is not serious. He then said he might come over on the weekend to install my air conditioner. I just said whatever.

 

On Sunday he called me and asked if he could come over and bring his son. Now this is huge because his son has downs and is very attached to me and he is very protective over him so if he has no intention of having me in his life he would not expose his son to me anymore. They come over and his son just wraps his arms around me and says he misses me. After he is done measuring my window they go to leave and his son does not want to leave he keeps coming up to me and hugging me and saying he misses me. They finally leave with him saying he will be back during the week to install it.

 

Last night he texted me and asked if I would be home. I said yes and he came over around 10:30. He put my air conditioner in and we talked abit. I finally asked him... Do you miss us? He said yes and no. I said it is hard to miss us when you are with someone else. He said I told you it was not serious and I am trying hard not to miss you. He then wraps his arms around me and gives me a big kiss. We talked some more and he hugs and kisses me again. Then he is leaving and hugs and kisses me again. Then says goodnight baby I just said goodnight hun.

 

I waited a bit and texted him saying I was going to call him and for him not to pick up as I wanted to leave a message. So I call him and leave him a message in Italian (I am not Italian, he is), saying that he hurt me very much but he is also the man that I truly love with all my heart. Then I hung up. I haven't heard back from him.

 

I told his sister-in-law what I did and she thought it was brilliant and that it will give him something to think about.

 

Now I know he is taking her away this Friday. So I have planted the seeds in his mind. He knows exactly how I feel about him and he can listen to that message when he wants to. He is going to a place that he went with me last year and we had so much fun so I know he will be thinking about it.

 

I am now leaving the ball in his court and we will see.

[d0nnivain]

Presumably he knew how you felt about him when you were together. He lied to you & cheated on you anyway. He's still with the woman he dumped you for. Why do you want him back? He's not a good catch.

[Haydn]

Why do you want someone who cheats back? The game you are playing could backfire.

[Smilecharmer]

You did nothing but assure him he could leave you, screw other women and you will still be his fall back plan after he sows his wild oats with other women. Go NC and stop rewarding bad behavior.

[Jatli]

Yes I know, but I have known him for over 30 years and we had a great relationship except for this one stupid thing. I can forgive him for this and just get on with it. Even when he was leaving he said he wasn't sure he was doing the right thing.

 

I know a lot of people on here will bash me and tell me I am crazy for wanting him back or that it's not the way to go about it and I need to go NC NC NC! but I know him and we never had that animosity towards each other even at the end.

 

I am not pursuing him any further, but I just wanted to plant the seeds and make him think. We really did have a good relationship. I know that this woman had wanted to be with him for years and I think he was getting complacent in ours and he messed up. After it happened he was down for weeks before he broke up with me and I know it was because the guilt was killing him and he felt he had no choice because I am sure he was feeling something for her and he probably thought maybe it would be better (you know all that happy feelings when you first meet someone) but I don't think it turned out the way he was expecting.

 

I am a very calm and forgiving person (when you get older you just learn to forgive much easier). I don't get mad very often in fact I haven't even been angry at him for this at all. I have just been very sad. I know, I know I should be furious and I have told myself as much, but honestly I just can't. I love this man with everything I have and I was very good to him. Yes he cheated, and yes he left, but his good points totally out weigh this and I can forgive him. Would I be so forgiving if it happened again, probably not. I am not an idiot and will not be a doormat for any man, but this one time I can. I would of course not just run to him with open arms there will be stipulations and a lot of talking before we get back together, but I would see where it goes.

 

In the meantime, I will go on with my life now and leave him be. I have left him with thoughts and that is all I wanted to do.

[flight E]

U already acted like a doormat by all you did to plant seeds. This guy is clear using you are a convenience. He doesn't love you anymore. Don't try to win this one back as you will only hurt. Pls move on.

[Jatli]

I have never been anyone's doormat ever. You do not know this man or our relationship. I am not condoning what he has done but I do know that he will be back. We are working on it and he has left the other woman.

 

He came back to me tonight saying he made a horrible mistake and apologized profusely and would like the chance to repair us.

[sugarlove]

I understand how it feels.. you want to give this a chance and others who are not in the relationship won't be able to know for sure what this guy this, we only see him for the actions he did in the past. Which aint' pretty.

 

Most importantly, You need to make sure you see him for who he is, accept that you'll risk getting hurt and if you think you can handle it, the heart wants what the heart wants. Listen to your gut, if you get hurt, you get hurt.

 

Sometimes, there is no other way to learn.. and no other way to wonder what ifs later.

 

GOod luck!

[AlphaC]

I have never been anyone's doormat ever. You do not know this man or our relationship. I am not condoning what he has done but I do know that he will be back. We are working on it and he has left the other woman.

 

He came back to me tonight saying he made a horrible mistake and apologized profusely and would like the chance to repair us.

 

ha, doormat you are lady!! why come on Loveshack if you are not open to suggestions or the opinions of others? You said he left you for another woman, we say "let him go and find someone else" that's what loveshack does, it empowers you, lets you know that this loser ex of yours is not right for you. Anyways..... I'm sure this man will stay with you for a few weeks max and then find himself another woman, I'd like to be proven wrong but I won't.