Not sure where to go next with best friend

[Brynnor]

This is a long one so I apologise in advance for wall of text.

 

I met this girl at university and admittedly at first I did not feel any sort of attraction to her. However over the past year we have became very close and well I can categorically say that no one has been this kind to me for years. Needless to say that I have developed feelings for this person however I am not very good at approaching the subject and I'm plagued with the fact i like to wait till I'm 100% sure of the outcome, so I'm a lot slower at asking than other people.

 

With this all in mind, I decided to confide in my friend, who listened and agreed to help assess the situation and bring us closer together. For the first month this was great, we spent more time together and it was good fun.

 

Now for the depressive part. To say the least I am destroyed over all of this as I found out last night that my so called friend, had taken advantage of the situation (That I had to take things slower than people normally would) and decided to begin dating her. I still do not know why but the very next day I asked to meet with him face to face (not to knock seven shades out of him which surprised me and him). WE talked for a good 3-4 hours about the whole situation. However I left him with the thought that I can never forgive him for this betrayal.

 

Anyway a bunch of us had already had booked up a weekend holiday (of which the girl in question was going but the guy was not). Needless to say this holiday was not a holiday for me at all, because no matter how hard I tried I just struggled to talk to her the way I used to. She knows me like no other person has ever before and can pick up when I'm not myself, so she manages to get me on my own at some point and we go for a long walk in the middle of the night.

 

I end up cracking and confessing everything about her and the other guy including the fact that he knew my situation. She literally crumbled into my arms in tears, and said that she did not think he could do that and that everything must of sucked for me (which tbh yes it did). But in that moment i did not think for what happens between us, all i wanted was for her to be ok. We ended up staying up all night talking about everything to do with the situation. She referred to me as her best friend a few times, which i know now where that puts me, however I don't know how to move on from this at all. I've taken the decision to not talk to her for a couple of days to allow her to soak in everything. All i care about now is staying as best friends because that is what I believe she want, although she never outright stated this.

 

I feel that I may have literally botched everything for her in her life now, and I don't know if she will want to be friends let alone talk to me ever again. Any advice on how to approach this would be great. Feel free to ask questions.

 

Finally to all who read this and reply, thank you for your time.

[d0nnivain]

You didn't botch everything in her life.

 

You liked her. You failed to act on it. She doesn't see you the same way. Whether you were friend-zoned by your delay in asking her out or she never felt that way about you I can't say but the end result is the same: She's dating somebody else.

 

Your so called buddy is no friend. Get him out of your life immediately.

 

For now put a lot of distance in your relationship with her. You need space to get a handle on the fact that she does not reciprocate your romantic feelings. If after a while you can settle for friendship, fine. If not, stay away from her because you don't need the constant reminders of what you can't have.

[preraph]

I think you're doing right giving her time to digest all this. And I agree the so-called friend of yours has to go and be gone forever. Sorry that happened to you. But yes, I have to agree this is what happens if you are too frightened to take any chance and making your move. Women don't like that if they get a whiff of it either because they're going to figure, If he's convinced I'm too good for him so he's afraid to ask me out, then I probably am. Also, it's underhanded to pretend to only be friends with someone you're in love with. It's a big lie and no one likes to be lied to.

 

 

So give her time to see how she feels and if she dumps the jerk, but don't expect that to mean she jumps in your arms, because it's way more complicated than that. But I hope in the future, you will be honest up front by simple actions when you feel romantic toward someone and not try to lure them in by acting contented with friendship. I mean, all you ever had to do was put your hand on her back to steer her out the door or that sort of thing to give her an inkling you were feeling manly toward her.