Stephy61 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Hi all, This is my first post and I'm hoping for some advice. I've been with my other half for three years - we live together and I love him very much. I've had relationships before him, but this is the first relationship where I've been treated well, respected and cared for. Like all long term relationships, the romance has faded a little in recent months but I still love him and care for him. This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. However, something has happened that's making me doubt myself. In an attempt to gain a little self-confidence I started seeing a personal trainer for one-on-one sessions and I have developed such an insane crush on him. He's funny, he's attractive and we just seem to click. He has a girlfriend, so I know nothing will ever happen (and having been cheated on in the past I would never put my boyfriend through that - I'm old enough now to know that you should always end a relationship before you stray). The intensity of my crush on this trainer is what's scaring me. I'm not going to lie, I love the attention the trainer gives me. But this crush is bad. I'm talking getting excited when I know I'm going to be seeing him, giggling and even my boyfriend has remarked that I seem a lot happier since I started seeing the trainer. I can't tell him that I'm crushing on him - boyfriend has already made a few remarks along the lines of "I'm worried you'll run away with the trainer" (said jokingly, of course). My question is, should I be having these feelings about someone else? Three years I've been with my boyfriend and I've never so much as looked at another man. Does this mean that maybe my boyfriend isn't the one for me? I'm starting to doubt myself. My boyfriend has been talking about taking things to the next level recently (engagement, marriage, buying a home). Do you think this crush could just be a reaction to something I may not be ready for just yet? Help! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Get a new trainer. It's the intensity of the closeness that is fueling your crush. Inject some space & it will fade. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 You're probably far from the only woman excited by this trainer. It's common in that business. Being physically fit along with the personal attention is alluring to many people. You need to determine what's important to you. The security you have in the relationship with your boyfriend or the butterflies you feel when crushing on a new person. If you're going to chase the butterflies, just remember that butterflies don't last long. It'll get old with the trainer too. And the next new guy. And the next .... Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I'd change trainer. Being faithful means saying no to when you get asked for you phone number, it also means distancing yourself from temptation. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BG11 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I hope this post does not offend you. Honestly this post is why I never see myself marrying. Women just don't get it. Look just because you have a crush doesn't mean there is some big meaning to all of this. These things are natural and what makes relationships last are boundaries, which as of right now you do not have. The correct thing to do is cut this off before it goes somewhere that ruins the first relationship you have had in which your SO actually respects you. Also, the fact that he has a girlfriend and you have been cheated on does not mean you are above to falling prey to this. It literally happens all the time and judging by your post you are not so special to avoid it. Boundaries are key. Im sorry but only women look for the "deep meaning" in your physiological reaction to spending alone time with a hot person from the other gender. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Some trainers build the body. But, some adopt the ethos to help build your self esteem and self confidence as well as your body. So, they compliment and point out the gains that you've made. They do this to help build on your motivation to continue to make improvements (and secure a client and paycheck). You may have viewed this as flirting, and perhaps it is flirting a little bit. But, it's a way to secure clients and keep you coming back. I mean, come on! What girl doesn't want to receive compliments from a fit guy? My suggestion? Get yourself a woman trainer. You want someone to whoop you into shape? Get yourself a woman trainer. In my experience, they are worse than guy trainers. They'll make you hurt. They don't put up with whining and excuses. Sometimes, they're down right evil!! BUT! They get the job done and get you into shape with a quickness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thekid36 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Hi all, This is my first post and I'm hoping for some advice. I've been with my other half for three years - we live together and I love him very much. I've had relationships before him, but this is the first relationship where I've been treated well, respected and cared for. Like all long term relationships, the romance has faded a little in recent months but I still love him and care for him. This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. However, something has happened that's making me doubt myself. In an attempt to gain a little self-confidence I started seeing a personal trainer for one-on-one sessions and I have developed such an insane crush on him. He's funny, he's attractive and we just seem to click. He has a girlfriend, so I know nothing will ever happen (and having been cheated on in the past I would never put my boyfriend through that - I'm old enough now to know that you should always end a relationship before you stray). The intensity of my crush on this trainer is what's scaring me. I'm not going to lie, I love the attention the trainer gives me. But this crush is bad. I'm talking getting excited when I know I'm going to be seeing him, giggling and even my boyfriend has remarked that I seem a lot happier since I started seeing the trainer. I can't tell him that I'm crushing on him - boyfriend has already made a few remarks along the lines of "I'm worried you'll run away with the trainer" (said jokingly, of course). My question is, should I be having these feelings about someone else? Three years I've been with my boyfriend and I've never so much as looked at another man. Does this mean that maybe my boyfriend isn't the one for me? I'm starting to doubt myself. My boyfriend has been talking about taking things to the next level recently (engagement, marriage, buying a home). Do you think this crush could just be a reaction to something I may not be ready for just yet? Help! So, I had always thought that Natalia Livingston was the most beautiful and sexiest woman in the world. I would have given anything in the world to have met her. Yet, if she were to walk into the restaurant I was having dinner in, she would not even be noticed. Because, I would be sitting across the table from my girlfriend. Who is now the most beautiful and sexiest woman in the world. You say that the romance has sort of faded. The intensity you feel with him should be way above that of any trainer. There is a reason I shared with you what you see above. Even as extreme as it may seem. If you are having thoughts of someone else besides your significant other, then there are perhaps deeper issues within your relationship which may need to be addressed. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Keep up the giggles and sooner or later your boyfriend is going to put two and two together and he's going to be buying a ring and looking for a home with another woman because you didn't have enough sense to back away from a hot stove. No one to blame but yourself so start thinking about getting a new trainer or a new boyfriend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 My suggestion? Get yourself a woman trainer. You want someone to whoop you into shape? Get yourself a woman trainer. In my experience, they are worse than guy trainers. They'll make you hurt. They don't put up with whining and excuses. Sometimes, they're down right evil!! BUT! They get the job done and get you into shape with a quickness. One like this one Ted in the gym - YouTube Link to post Share on other sites
changchewsoon Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I think everyone here probably nailed it, you might want to take a deeper look into your relationship and see perhaps there are some underlying issues that needs to be looked at. Look, there always will be a better person out there, and if we are all in the quest of looking for the best it will be a never ending task. How about learning to be contented? To be happy with you currently have and to appreciate your boyfriend even more? Food for thought. Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Hi all, This is my first post and I'm hoping for some advice. I've been with my other half for three years - we live together and I love him very much. I've had relationships before him, but this is the first relationship where I've been treated well, respected and cared for. Like all long term relationships, the romance has faded a little in recent months but I still love him and care for him. This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. However, something has happened that's making me doubt myself. In an attempt to gain a little self-confidence I started seeing a personal trainer for one-on-one sessions and I have developed such an insane crush on him. He's funny, he's attractive and we just seem to click. He has a girlfriend, so I know nothing will ever happen (and having been cheated on in the past I would never put my boyfriend through that - I'm old enough now to know that you should always end a relationship before you stray). The intensity of my crush on this trainer is what's scaring me. I'm not going to lie, I love the attention the trainer gives me. But this crush is bad. I'm talking getting excited when I know I'm going to be seeing him, giggling and even my boyfriend has remarked that I seem a lot happier since I started seeing the trainer. I can't tell him that I'm crushing on him - boyfriend has already made a few remarks along the lines of "I'm worried you'll run away with the trainer" (said jokingly, of course). My question is, should I be having these feelings about someone else? Three years I've been with my boyfriend and I've never so much as looked at another man. Does this mean that maybe my boyfriend isn't the one for me? I'm starting to doubt myself. My boyfriend has been talking about taking things to the next level recently (engagement, marriage, buying a home). Do you think this crush could just be a reaction to something I may not be ready for just yet? Help! Well OP, What is bolded should be what answers your question. There is probably a damned good reason for that three-year run. And that reason should be enough to dampen your confusion somewhat. It's a crush. Not much more to it than that. A crush is what it is. They come and go, and often don't mean a whole lot. Vanity needs to take a stroll once in awhile....... (arm in arm with flattery) This doesn't mean that we lose our minds over it. But it can challenge us in a helluva hurry to set our priorities straight. Which is probably all you really need to do. Remind yourself that a year from now, your fella will still be there beside you.....and for all the right reasons. The crush will be a distant memory. It's a funny thing - good solid healthy relationships thrive on maturity. And where does (emotional) maturity really come from? Learning how to handle challenges. Just like this one. Good luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Honestly this post is why I never see myself marrying. Women just don't get it. I'm barely past 18 and a few posts from males make me feel the same. There are plenty of men who just don't get it either. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I think the trainer isn't the problem, but just the tip of the iceberg. You already said it has faded, but yet HE is talking about the next level. I think you aren't there, and you aren't into this relationship 100%. You might still be in it because of comfort level or habit, or whatever... but along comes something new and exciting, something that gives you attention and all of your inner problems are now reflected onto this trainer. You can change trainers, and you should... but the lingering issue remains. Link to post Share on other sites
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