Liking my female friend more than just a friend. Help!

[Moonwalker1982]

Hi all,

 

 

This is going to be rather long....but i hope people will read it.

 

 

I almost know this girl for two years now. I met her via two friends of mine. Back then i already liked her and i made this known to her, but she quite clearly said she wanted to get to know me first and let's not rush things. Fair enough really.

 

For most of the first year now and then we'd meet up in my house, we'd talk a little, watch a movie and eat some dinner. All these get togethers, let's just call it that, were solely friendly. Also these get togethers would take place a few times in the year and that was it. Until earlier this year, i noticed that she wanted to hang out at my place much more often. After a while it was actually once every two weeks that i'd receive a text message or a call that she wanted to hang out. We'd mostly talk, watch a movie or play a videogame. Through these months i've developed...feelings for her, she has become more than a good friend for me. While nothing has happened at all, i did decided to ask her about it. A few weeks ago out of the blue i asked what she thought of me. Was i a good friend to her or was there perhaps more? The answer wasn't too clear at all. It wasn't a straight answer really. I thought...ah well, let's forget about it. The next day i message her and ask how she's doing and soon she asks me about the other day that i wanted to know what she thought of me. This time she wanted to know what i thought of her.

 

 

I was totally honest and said that she had become more than a good friend to me and that if she's open to taking this friendship a step further, i'd be open to it too. She said that was sweet of me and that she'd like to discuss that next time she'd come to my house. So that happened and basically what it comes down to is that she IS open to taking this friendship further. We both clearly are not deeply in love with eachother, but there is more. She said she does wanna take it easy and not rush things and also that we should go do some things together, other things than chilling at home, gaming or watching a movie. I am definitely planning on going to places with her soon, like you know...play some pool, have a drink somewhere, maybe take her to a nice concert. But there is more. Especially via WhatsApp (the messenger) things have been building up nicely. Recently i had my brother's birthday and she asked how it had been. I was honest to her about it and said while it was nice, most of these birthdays don't mean much to me. Ever since my father passed away, i don't care much for birthdays anymore. He always used to be there, and now that he's gone i cannot get used to that idea. She then said...look..i can come with you to some of these birthdays, maybe it will make it more nice and pleasant for you.

 

 

I thought this was an incredibly kind and sweet thing of hers to offer me. A good friend of mine said this is clearly an indication that this lady wants more than just friendship with me. There is another example. Earlier this week she told me her birthday would be soon, but that her mom won't let her celebrate it at home. Basically she was about to just skip her birthday alltogether. So i then offered to use my house to let her celebrate her birthday, cause i found it rather ****ty for her if she couldn't. She said this was incredibly sweet of me. I said i want her to be able to celebrate her birthday, that i like and care about her and that with this i could return the favor. To this message she replied with that i am such a sweetheart. I then sent a kissy icon and she returned it with *blush* in text. I really like all that, but the thing is...nothing, absolutely nothing has happened yet. With that i mean...more than just friendship. She hasn't shown any real sign of wanting to be closer to me, and neither have i. Well..maybe she has. She has been saying things like ''Maybe we can go there together.'' When it was about something we usually as friends go to, but it seems like she want just the two of us to go there. As for those kissy icons, women love those, don't they? I'd like to think there is more when i receive those from her, but at the same time i am like...this really doesn't have to mean all that much.

 

 

The problem with me is when i like a lady....i seem to close up. While i was sitting next to her on the couch at a friend's place a week ago, i didn't do anything. I talked to her, sure...but i did not try anything at all. When actually i'd love to put my arm around her or grab her hand, lean into her a bit..you know...be closer to her. That is truly what it's all about for me at first..simply be closer to her, i'd absolutely love that. The rest...we'll cross that bridge when we get there. At the same time, maybe it was only wise of me not to do anything, we were at my friend's place after all and it might have made her uncomfortable. Maybe it's best to make a 'move' when she is at my place, when it's just the two of us. With that i mean gentle things, the things i just mentioned. But then there are those damn doubts. While i do realize that she fully knows about my feelings now, i keep having doubts and i am not totally sure what to do next.

 

 

I've now told her multiple times that i am into her, i care for her, i now think it is time that i actually show it. At the same time i do not want to scare her off. But...i do think if we are watching a movie and i was to gently put my arm around her...that she probably would not be like ''whoa now...wtf''. She's coming to my place this weekend and i don't want to let it go to waste by not doing a damn thing once again. Any advice for this?

 

 

A friend said...dude go out with her, take her somewhere and see how it goes, alcohol will definitely make that spark happen if it is meant to happen. The problem is..i am not big on alcohol and she certainly isn't either. Things seem to becoming more personal between us two, especially via the messenger, so i don't think going out with her is the one and only option. Ok...time to end this for now. What should the next step me for me? It is quite clear to me that she's gonna wait and see what happens, it's clear that i have to take the initiative. But how and what should i do? Some advice would be great.

 

 

Sorry for this loooooooong piece of text. I always like to explain things in detail. That can be considered a negative of mine.

Edited July 10, 2014 by Moonwalker1982

[Versacehottie]

Well, it's probably long because you are worried and overthinking things. From what you said, she most definitely likes you and I'd be most worried about losing momentum! Ask her out, take her out, if she is over your place take things to next level. Enough talking--just kiss her already. Talk afterward--you probably won't need to!

[Moonwalker1982]

Well, it's probably long because you are worried and overthinking things. From what you said, she most definitely likes you and I'd be most worried about losing momentum! Ask her out, take her out, if she is over your place take things to next level. Enough talking--just kiss her already. Talk afterward--you probably won't need to!

 

Hi there,

 

 

thanks for replying.

 

 

That could definitely very well be it, that i am overthinking things. I do tend to do that. For some reason i am scared of....well...scaring her, but chances are she's definitely waiting for something to happen now. Worst that could happen if i do indeed simply kiss her is that she'll be shocked and not expecting it. I'm sure it won't demolish our friendship. I probably should take your advice.

 

 

Another thing...one other friend said i should take it easy. He said..if she sits next to you on the couch, gently ask her if you can put your arm around her. To be honest....i think i'd be overly gentle if i'd do that, i doubt ladies like such a thing. It's definitely time to make the next step, we both know about eachother's thoughts on the matter, this is the only logical next step.

[todreaminblue]

I would suggest an outing ...not at her home and not at yours ...you have been there done that already ....take her where creative thought happens.....create a positive memory ....a step in the right direction,step on a beach,step at a park somewhere with loads of talk points, a museum, an art gallery, somewhere where passion is...so you can speak passionately about what you might mutually have interest in,.a concert with shared musical interests.......people watch for a while get to know her......and let things happen naturally.....enjoy the silences ...and feel comfortable dont push momentum...you will stall but step with momentum in mind....do some research ...what do you know she enjoys....what is her favorite color...there is logic here i can use if you tell me what color it is..what food does she like what are her interests...deb....

[Versacehottie]

Hi there,

 

 

thanks for replying.

 

 

That could definitely very well be it, that i am overthinking things. I do tend to do that. For some reason i am scared of....well...scaring her, but chances are she's definitely waiting for something to happen now. Worst that could happen if i do indeed simply kiss her is that she'll be shocked and not expecting it. I'm sure it won't demolish our friendship. I probably should take your advice.

 

 

Another thing...one other friend said i should take it easy. He said..if she sits next to you on the couch, gently ask her if you can put your arm around her. To be honest....i think i'd be overly gentle if i'd do that, i doubt ladies like such a thing. It's definitely time to make the next step, we both know about eachother's thoughts on the matter, this is the only logical next step.

 

Well you won't scare her--because your explanation indicates that things have been leading up to this!!! She is probably wondering when in the world you are going to make a move. You just have to ease into it within the date/time you are spending together. Be flirty, touchy and then it's just a natural progression. She may even kiss you first. She may start the convo about you two first. Just keep that time together flirty and playful and it will happen. I think it's confident of you to make the first move which adds to her attraction to you. But don't just pounce. Have lead-up in terms of way you are talking, the subjects you talk about and physical contact beforehand.

 

AND YOU ARE RIGHT and your friend is wrong. It is way too meek and unsure when a guy "asks" if he can do something (hold hand, arm around, kiss). Ugh! Believe the majority of girls feel same as I do. That shows you are putting her on a pedestal and think she is almost too good for you, which is then a turn off for her. She needs to feel your confidence and you as a prize/equal to her.

 

Good luck

[Moonwalker1982]

I would suggest an outing ...not at her home and not at yours ...you have been there done that already ....take her where creative thought happens.....create a positive memory ....a step in the right direction,step on a beach,step at a park somewhere with loads of talk points, a museum, an art gallery, somewhere where passion is...so you can speak passionately about what you might mutually have interest in,.a concert with shared musical interests.......people watch for a while get to know her......and let things happen naturally.....enjoy the silences ...and feel comfortable dont push momentum...you will stall but step with momentum in mind....do some research ...what do you know she enjoys....what is her favorite color...there is logic here i can use if you tell me what color it is..what food does she like what are her interests...deb....

 

 

Yeah i told her on the messenger earlier this week that i'd like to take her to a concert sometime, just the two of us and no additional friends. She said she'd enjoy a hiphop show all evening long, but sadly we don't get that much here. But that is definitely a mutual interest though. Problem a little is that she;s much much more talkative via the messenger compared to when talking to her in person.

 

Most of the time these get togethers were always short on conversations and mostly just plain fun when playing a Mario game or total silence...when watching a movie. So i have to be honest with you that i really don't know her all that well. I have asked about hobbies and things like that, but the answers always have been rather short and unclear. But while i do not know her incredibly well....we do trust eachother completely and our conversations over the messenger can be very deep. I told her about my father and how it all happened...and she said she couldn't be of any comfort to me over the messenger, but would be whenever i needed it. She's really sweet in those ways.

 

 

I do know that she's a vegetarian, i don't know her favorite colour though. But you brought some good ideas. For example some new kind of 3D theater has opened up here where they show documentaries about space and just the planet in general. I was thinking of taking her there sometime. If it's interesting..i'm sure we'll be talking about that. It definitely is a good thing to take things out of the house...meaning do things in town.

 

Well you won't scare her--because your explanation indicates that things have been leading up to this!!! She is probably wondering when in the world you are going to make a move. You just have to ease into it within the date/time you are spending together. Be flirty, touchy and then it's just a natural progression. She may even kiss you first. She may start the convo about you two first. Just keep that time together flirty and playful and it will happen. I think it's confident of you to make the first move which adds to her attraction to you. But don't just pounce. Have lead-up in terms of way you are talking, the subjects you talk about and physical contact beforehand.

 

AND YOU ARE RIGHT and your friend is wrong. It is way too meek and unsure when a guy "asks" if he can do something (hold hand, arm around, kiss). Ugh! Believe the majority of girls feel same as I do. That shows you are putting her on a pedestal and think she is almost too good for you, which is then a turn off for her. She needs to feel your confidence and you as a prize/equal to her.

 

Good luck

 

Ah yes, it probably is not a good idea to kiss her on the mouth as soon as the enters my home, lol. We do always kiss, but just on the cheek...as friends. Building it up is probably best. I read on some site that a good way to see if a lady likes to be touched is to gently rub the back/outside of your hand against her hand and see how she reacts. Ok, it's quite clear now that something needs to happen and what you said about that it's confident to make a first move, yeah it makes sense. I thank both of you for the advice.

Edited July 10, 2014 by Moonwalker1982

[Noproblem]

I didn't read this story, but I am curious what happened with the girl who worked at the grocery story.. Did you approach her?

[Moonwalker1982]

I didn't read this story, but I am curious what happened with the girl who worked at the grocery story.. Did you approach her?

 

Yeah i definitely did, but absolutely nothing happened after that. Basically i invited her for a drink and i gave my phone number so she could contact me. She said she'd think about it and after a week still nothing...not even a small message. I would've been ok with a ''Sorry but i rather not do that''. But nope not even that. Then after a while i saw her at the store again and not a word was said. I certainly wasn't going to ask if she had thought about it, it was now up to her. So nope, nothing.

[todreaminblue]

Yeah i told her on the messenger earlier this week that i'd like to take her to a concert sometime, just the two of us and no additional friends. She said she'd enjoy a hiphop show all evening long, but sadly we don't get that much here. But that is definitely a mutual interest though. Problem a little is that she;s much much more talkative via the messenger compared to when talking to her in person.

 

Most of the time these get togethers were always short on conversations and mostly just plain fun when playing a Mario game or total silence...when watching a movie. So i have to be honest with you that i really don't know her all that well. I have asked about hobbies and things like that, but the answers always have been rather short and unclear. But while i do not know her incredibly well....we do trust eachother completely and our conversations over the messenger can be very deep. I told her about my father and how it all happened...and she said she couldn't be of any comfort to me over the messenger, but would be whenever i needed it. She's really sweet in those ways.

 

 

I do know that she's a vegetarian, i don't know her favorite colour though. But you brought some good ideas. For example some new kind of 3D theater has opened up here where they show documentaries about space and just the planet in general. I was thinking of taking her there sometime. If it's interesting..i'm sure we'll be talking about that. It definitely is a good thing to take things out of the house...meaning do things in town.

 

 

 

Ah yes, it probably is not a good idea to kiss her on the mouth as soon as the enters my home, lol. We do always kiss, but just on the cheek...as friends. Building it up is probably best. I read on some site that a good way to see if a lady likes to be touched is to gently rub the back/outside of your hand against her hand and see how she reacts. Ok, it's quite clear now that something needs to happen and what you said about that it's confident to make a first move, yeah it makes sense. I thank both of you for the advice.

 

the 3d theater idea sounds sweet ....anything to do with broader horizons solicits conversation that can flow......one thing i do know that if a guy knew i was vegetarian and had actually bothered to research where a good eating place would be to go after or before the movie or outing....to me shows foresight and a caring nature(thinking about what i would like)...but also effort and not laziness....a bit of fortitude there...that is always appreciated......and i notice and would respect the thoughts as would most women i feel....finding out the little things about her is what will make dates fun and easy for you to set up.....its also good to ask her for input......like "lets go somewhere you have always wanted to or wheres you fave place lets visit it...you find out more about her that way too an interactive question,.....smilin...good luck......one of my daughters friends just gave me a birthday present.....everything i love....chocolate strawberry truffles......aromatics candle bath wash hand cream and a beautifully worded card saying how my heart was beautiful.....which was exactly the right thing anyone could say to me.....i didnt want any presents actually and have refused them all day ......i took hers because she ran home after dinner to get it for me.....i think there is nothing more touching than showing how you know someone in heart mind and spirit..for any relationship or friendship....but then ....i am a romantic at heart....touch a woman's heart....you are sure to make an impact...i was touched by how well my daughters friend knew me......i didnt let her know i liked aromatics......but then i have been told you can smell me before i enter the room.....i wear aromatics.....lots of them ...probably too much....lol.....

 

 

 

notice things about the woman you are interested in......it can only draw you closer...deb

[kassy]

I'm in a different but similar situation with a guy. My advice is based on what I'd like him to do, but slower as I am guessing you are further behind us... We are like a married couple without the physical side...

 

We go to things and do the whole you know put your hand on the small of her back think or take her hand in a crowded place. These are easy ways to naturally have physical contact. If she goes with it then just give her a kiss at the end of the night.

 

It's not rocket science. I'm personally putting my foot down and waiting for my guy to make a move. But he's 39, and seriously needs to just make **** happen. There are reasons why he is single at 39 when he is gorgeous, successful and a great guy. Take this as a warning, do you want to end up like him.

 

From another perspective. If she isn't thinking hurry up and make a move already coz you are killing me, and she doesn't like you like that, it seems she is a nice person and won't be horrible if she doesn't like you. So just go for it.

[preraph]

What's holding this up isn't her, it's you. She must be genuinely bewildered by now why you've had the talk about taking it further and you haven't mustered up the courage to even hold her hand or put your arm around her. What is the problem? You surely aren't waiting for her to make all the moves? I would stop worrying about scaring her off. It would have scared me off to be fumbling around for all these months without anything coming of it. And it will her eventually too.

 

She's told you in so many ways that she wants someone who goes out and does fun things, not stays in and does everyday boring things. You need to make a big deal of her birthday and either throw a party for her or take her out to a very nice restaurant, not someplace she already gets to go to all the time. It sounds like she may want a party at your place. If so, tell her to invite all her friends unless you already know how to reach them. At the end of the birthday, you need to give her a big tongue-y birthday kiss while holding her tight. If you can't bring yourself to do this, it may be time to go find out what the problem is you're so paralyzed. Good luck.

[Moonwalker1982]

What's holding this up isn't her, it's you. She must be genuinely bewildered by now why you've had the talk about taking it further and you haven't mustered up the courage to even hold her hand or put your arm around her. What is the problem? You surely aren't waiting for her to make all the moves? I would stop worrying about scaring her off. It would have scared me off to be fumbling around for all these months without anything coming of it. And it will her eventually too.

 

She's told you in so many ways that she wants someone who goes out and does fun things, not stays in and does everyday boring things. You need to make a big deal of her birthday and either throw a party for her or take her out to a very nice restaurant, not someplace she already gets to go to all the time. It sounds like she may want a party at your place. If so, tell her to invite all her friends unless you already know how to reach them. At the end of the birthday, you need to give her a big tongue-y birthday kiss while holding her tight. If you can't bring yourself to do this, it may be time to go find out what the problem is you're so paralyzed. Good luck.

 

You may have forgotten the part where i said she wanted to take things easy, when i explained to her that i'd like to take a step further with this friendship. So out of respect i am not rushing things, but i do realize at the same time that something has to happen and it has to be me...i know that. All those times that she visited me, it was always solely friendly and never did i got an indication that she may be interested in me. Trust me, i have considered putting my arm around her or grabbing her hand while watching a movie. I actually at one point wanted to do that so bad...but something told me...don't do it. She'll go WTF if you do that.

 

 

Also i don't know where you get it from that she told me in many ways that she wants to go out, cause she truly only said this after i told her about my feelings, when i asked if she would be interested in more than friendship too. It was then, only then that she said we should go to places and not only stay at my place like these get togethers had always been so far.

 

 

As for her birthday. I have my plans for that. I am planning on surprising her with a nice movie at the cinema and after that we'll go eat something. Her birthday party is simply going to be with some of her friends and me of course, since it'll be in my living room, but i definitely am planning on a much more personal birthday gift/surprise. So again...it wasn't that long ago that we discussed this and she did say we should take it easy. So i definitely want to respect that, but at the same time i cannot sit completely still of course.

 

 

My doubts probably also exist because all of this is rather unusual and not how it goes most of the time. Usually people meet eachother, they like eachother and start dating and fall in love. This lady has been a friend of mine for all that time, and while early on in that friendship i told her i liked her, it was clear she wasn't really interested at the time. Both of us are not completely in love with eachother, but there definitely is more. For me there sure is...these feelings and thoughts of wanting to be much closer with her. There are plans that she'll come to my place this weekend, but i am going to invite her to play some pool in town first, it won't be the first time we play pool, but it will be the first time it's just the two of us. And then we'll check out a movie at my place.

 

 

Enough talking for now....time to act. Whatever happens, i will put an update here.

Edited July 11, 2014 by Moonwalker1982

[Moonwalker1982]

Just a small update for the ones that want to know

 

 

We decided to go play some pool tomorrow evening and after that a movie at my place. She messaged me today if it was an idea to eat dinner together and i said that was a great idea. After some silence i offered to go eat something in the city, i know a nice place and it's my treat. So dinner, pool and a movie. First time we'll be hitting the city together and i think i can definitely consider this our first real date. Really looking forward to it.

[Moonwalker1982]

Here's the update:

 

 

The date, the whole evening was great. Had lots of fun and had a nice dinner too. While the dinner was probably my least favorite part, simply because you know...sitting at the table and just talking a little is so...standard i guess? It was still nice. Playing Pool was much more fun though and multiple times i got her to laugh and smile and she doesn't easily do that.

 

 

We then rented a movie, but halfway through the movie she got a headache and asked me if i'd mind it if she went home and lie down. When she got back home i received a message where she said the evening had been lovely and thanked me for it. We both agreed that we should do this again.

 

 

But what was 'wrong' about this date? Well wrong is probably not the right word, but something i feel slightly...bad about. It's that nothing has happened between us. Yes i did tease her a little during pool and got her to laugh and smile, also at dinner, but we didn't really get closer to eachother. The real reason i think that i am still a bit restrained when it comes to this, is that i have gotten so used to being simply friends with her and little to no physical contact, that it feels odd or unusual to start doing that all of a sudden. I also believe this should build up. I saw a video of a dating/relationship and just life coach on Youtube and he said..if you want to get out of that friend zone, simply starting to act cozy, cuddly and close to that someone would be a bit odd. Still i am not gonna lie...i feel slightly bad about it that i didn't do anything.

 

 

She thanked me again for the great evening and then i decided to be honest with her. I told her again that i really do like her a lot, but that i may not have clearly shown that to her this evening. She is someone i can be totally honest with, so i said that i've always been rather shy and not the very best when it comes to this. Plus also that it has been a while since i've actually..you know...dated and all the rest. She then replied and said that at this exact moment i was clearly showing her that i liked her and that it was nice to hear for her. She said ''Who knows, maybe in the near future things will be more easy for you when it comes to that.'' She also said that these kind of dates was something she had not done for a while now and that the evening was great, she said who knows what the future brings.

 

 

So that's it. The feelings definitely seem to be mutual...otherwise i doubt she'd say things like ''Who knows, maybe in the near future things will be more easy for you when it comes to that.''

 

 

So yeah...i am somewhat that i was too chicken to do anything, but i DID get her to laugh and smile about some jokes and some teasing, and this young lady doesn't easily do that. This lady is rather quiet and modest when we all hang out together, with all our friends. This evening however, i got her to loosen up and clearly enjoy things. At the end of the day that is what i can be happy about...my mind was set on making this evening fun and that clearly happened.

 

 

Thoughts? Opinions? Advice?

[Zippy2000]

Opinions? Advice?

 

Well, you`ve got 2 chances with her.......SLIM and NONE!

 

This girl has been a friend for 2 years and nothing has happened. I was in a very similar situation to you a few years back when I was younger.

 

Guess what? She still is my friend.

 

I ve moved on from her but I realised that all the things I was doing ONLY benefited her! What was it in for me? Nothing!

 

Face it......your just friends and nothing else.

[preraph]

So she likes dates like that. So take her out again on another outing and this time, put your arm around her waist to guide her to her seat or through a door and start doing that routinely. If she resists, that's trouble. But you really can't go much slower than that and still make any physical contact progress. If that goes well, next time she's over or you're at a movie, put your arm around her on the sofa and cuddle. Then if all that goes well, when you drop her off from a date, good kiss. Good luck.