I'm ugly.

[me85]

I never use words like sweetie ... In fact, I hate that!

But in your case it's more than appropriate.

 

Sweetie, I think you are just extremely insecure with yourself so you don't allow yourself to think positively about your RS with this guy.

 

Physical appearance only matters so much. Someone physically attractive with a horrible personality is THE biggest turn off. If you're not a good person on the inside no one will ever really care about you, no matter how good you look like on the outside.

 

Try to be more positive. That is what is most attractive about a person. Confidence really is key.

 

You should probably try a little counseling because it sounds like you are your own worst enemy when you're supposed to be your biggest fan.

 

If you don't love yourself then how will anyone else be able to love you??

[KaliLove]

I really doubt you're even close to ugly. I think you just need to work on your confidence, and maybe on your make up skills and style.

 

Men are picking up on your insecurities..that's why they don't approach you. As me85 said, if you don't love yourself, why should anyone else love you?

 

Your ex is a jerk. Don't listen to him.

[Thaymore]

hey thaymore.....you are what you are...weight and all

 

 

i am overweight dont think i am pretty...but i am the one in my group when i go out with girls i pull guys mainly because i am not in the corner or at the back i am on the dance floor...and i dance like no one is there...when i want a guy to approach ill look him straight in the eyes and ill smile with both my eyes and my mouth and they come to me...... i am open and can talk about most topics with a fair amount of knowledge .......i don't approach men......

 

 

so i would say as far as looks go i dont think its my looks that attract men its more my confidence....i am however a multiple personality....so maybe its the crazy in me they are attracted too......

 

 

 

 

all i know is you dont seem confident and guys are more likely to go for the girl who is smiling openly at them than not.... i can be hyper...so a high level of energy in spite of my weight......so when they talk about overweight not beign able to attract men......its not true.....neither is it true your skinniness would put men off either......but not being confident and feeling out of place would put guys off approaching you.....i have been here too and i can give a stay away vibe...normally with guys i really like which are actually quiet guys not rowdy ones..... i turn awkward and shy.....part of being a multiple......all in all my tendign to attract men is when i am sure of myself my confidence is high and have high energy......which is nto my heart at all......guys fall in love with my heart later.....the right types anyway when i let them see the quieter side of me..........deb

 

I'm used to be quite a confident person. Back in HS, I was one the type of girls who is fun and is easily friends with guys. Actually, my best friend back then was a guy. We were really close, and our chemistry was great. At one point, I thought he would like me and ask me out. But he did not. He never see me as more than a friend. While on the other hand, he had a huge crush on this other really pretty girl from another nearby high school. They barely knew each other.

 

I know guys who always stress that they prefer personality over look. One of my close friend rather date his really pretty girlfriend, who makes him do everything and pay everything for her, than date another friend of his who is less attractive but is really kind and considerate. He's the one of the sweetest and most intelligent guy in our friend group, so I don't know why he would do that to himself.

 

In the past, I've always believed in love and I am optimistic about meeting the right guy. But after being struck by reality a few times, it is hard for me to believe in guys anymore. I cannot help but feel negative about relationships.

[Thaymore]

Thank you all for all the encouraging comments and advices. I didn't know I will get so much response.

 

Thank you to those who said I am not as ugly as I thought I am. I know you guys are trying to make me feel better about myself, and I honestly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

 

But I knew better. No guy ever checks me out in class. No one ask me for my number. I am not even the ugly duckling in the group. Even if I am not with my gorgeous friends, I don't think guys look twice at me.

 

I just want to make this thread to see the POV of others. I know I shouldn't change myself just to find a boyfriend, but I want to change for the better. How can I change myself for the better? I know makeup and hair helps, but I already wear makeup. I usually only wear minimal makeup (foundation, mascara, and lipgloss). Should I try out eyeshadows? I have small eyes and I tried it before, it doesn't look too good on me.

 

I am already working out and eating healthy. I am quite satisfied with my body, just not my face.

 

Some advice from guys please. What attracts you to a girl in the first place? Please be honest.

 

I am not doing all this so I can date a shallow guy, but I wanted to at least attract a nice guy so I will have a chance for him to see my personality.

 

Oh p.s., I am definitely not aiming toward 10/10 guys haha. I will be satisfied with a guy who I can really connect with.

Edited July 11, 2014 by Thaymore

[TigerLilly78]

Confidence. That's where it's at. Many people, men and women are fooled by it. They don't see objective traits but rather the person projects whatever they think of themselves. An average looking confident woman will do better than insecure, pretty one. I have observed many couples. Where woman married a guy better looking than her, it's because she is confident and he isn't. There is no mystery.... An insecure guy lacks options...so does an insecure woman.

 

The only exceptions to this are people that have model looks, I am talking 9-10/10. If you are that, nothing much matters and chances are, you have been cruising life on looks which gives confidence in itself.

 

Work on your confidence rather than your looks.

 

 

Bingo here you go OP im a plus size women myself and according to some on here as so I should be living under a bridge just about. But what I find funny is ive had heaps of dates and relationships in my lifetime. Why? I have good self easteam despite being told im basically less then human. And you know what it works wonders people come up to you and talk to you start conversations and so on confidence works wonders!

[guest569]

Oh p.s., I am definitely not aiming toward 10/10 guys haha. I will be satisfied with a guy who I can really connect with.

 

I wasn't aiming for one either. I guess I am just trying to say that before I dated I didn't think I was worthy of anyone so was really surprised when these attractive guys (inside and out) wanted me. When you meet the one you really connect with, I'm sure he will be your 10/10 man.

[Omei]

OP im not ugly and men dont exactly walk up to me on a reg basis ither most people are afraid too.

 

I don't get why you would think you're ugly?

 

My questions are.....

Do you have straight teeth?

Do you wear makeup?

how do you have your hair?

Do you dress nicely?

Is your skin clear ?

 

If you do none of those I can see why you may not attract but from my experience unless your zit faced or have horrid teeth every single girl is decent looking all just look different.

 

I sit on the bus a lot and see all kinds of girls the only ones that I would ever say were ugly would be the ones that dont maintain themselves properly.

[xxmusical]

Hi OP, I doubt you're "ugly." I think a lot of people have experienced phases of "I'm ugly" throughout their lives. I used to be like you too, thinking I wasn't pretty enough as I was in a group of pretty girls who knew how to dress up, put on make-up, etc. Guys were only attracted to my best friend, who was a natural social butterfly, had long silky hair, and a fun personality. But those few guys who took the chance to break through my invisible wall and talk to me found me to be fun, cute, and kind.

 

How do you know no guys ever check you out? Are you constantly on alert, watching out for any glances from guys? Or are your eyes always downcast so you don't even know for sure whether any guys are checking you out?

 

It's always easier said than done to "have some confidence," but this is what you need to do. Don't let the few guys who disappointed you to ruin your hope in finding a better relationship. The guy who is right for you will think you're beautiful in your own special way, inside and out.

 

Edit: as for make-up and small eyes, have you tried putting eyeliner? It does make a big difference!

[TigerLilly78]

 

 

That's because it's tough to find a girl who isn't overweight these days. Then trying to find one you are compatible with? Even harder.

 

 

 

Of course she is a small girl. That doesn't mean she doesn't have hips or a butt. I used to date a girl that was 5'1 and 98lbs. She had plenty of hips and butt, she was just a small girl.

 

I see thin women all the time when im out how is there this massive shortage of them? and lastly I cant see how a women that petite could have much curves far as hips or butt? I could be wrong but I just cant picture it..

[Noproblem]

Again, you have not seen the Op, so you cannot comment on whether or not she should gain weight. This just sounds like jealousy at this point.

 

 

You thrive on these stuff, you like drama so I'll leave it to this point.

 

[TigerLilly78]

The OP has done nothing wrong. She comes in here with low self esteem, I try to encourage her, you tell her she's too thin and unhealthy, and I'm the one looking for drama? Hahaha!

 

I think what some were trying to point out is the fact that being very underweight is not healthy. Just like being overweight by a great deal is not healthy im sure you would be one of the 1st to point that fact out. But! it goes both ways far as I saw that's all that was said to the OP about her size...

[d0nnivain]

Confidence & cheerfulness are attractive.

 

If you are down on yourself -- by saying I'm ugly & I have a negative view of relationships -- that comes through non-verbally & is a turn off.

 

Try focusing on the things you do like about yourself.

 

Giving up on relationships so young in life isn't the answer. Nobody is mature in high school. You are only starting to find your way in college & the world is slowly opening up to you. Now is your time to explore, not get bogged down by the past.

[TigerLilly78]

People don't die from being skinny. Being overweight takes years off a person's life. The OP is a thin girl, that's it. Your agenda is obvious.

 

Last I checked people can and do die from being overly skinny its called anorexia I have no agenda im happy as I am and I have no need to put others down for their appearance.

 

I got no prob with her size and I don't really think the others do ether they were merely pointing out neither extreme is good for you its simple as that..also im not saying the OP is anorexic just pointing that out as well...

[TigerLilly78]

Unless you are insinuating that the OP is anorexic, this argument is meaningless.

 

 

 

The OP's size is far from extreme. I think it is ridiculous that there are women here giving her crap about her size because she is NOT overweight. She is a small girl, that's all. Unless she says she is anorexic, it shouldn't even be brought into the discussion.

 

You said people do not die from being skinny that's false yes they can that was my point bringing up the anorexia was a response to your comment that's all I never brought the Op into it and I made that quite clear im sure anyone with any common sense can see that.

 

I don't believe anyone gave her crap because she is not overweight yet you are getting quite upset when people bring up the fact the being to skinny is not healthy ether.

 

Witch is just a fact and im sorry if that fact upsets you just because you find one extreme more attractive then another dose not make it any more healthy..

[TigerLilly78]

This thread is about the OP. The OP has not said she was anorexic, nor does her weight really describe that or someone who is malnourished, or unhealthy. I did not bring anorexia into this discussion, because again, the OP has not said she was anorexic. Until such time the OP comes in here to say she has anorexia, or some other disease linked to being thin, I suggested it be left out of the discussion since it it meaningless to her thread.

 

Again, her weight is not extreme, yet you keep bringing words like "skinny" extreme" and "anorexic" into a discussion about her. I have said nothing about finding one extreme more attractive than the other, since I find neither extreme to be attractive. At this point, your posts just seem like obvious jabs against a small girl.

 

How is saying that being extremely skinny in general could be unhealthy a "jab" at the OP? I really don't get your logic but ok then.. I personally don't care if shes a small girl that's fine with me no were did I say her being a thin/small girl was a bad? I was addressing the fact you were saying that no one can get ill from being to skinny I disagreed with that because its false that's all..

[Leigh 87]

People don't die from being skinny. Being overweight takes years off a person's life. The OP is a thin girl, that's it. Your agenda is obvious.

 

 

Actually, when I was the OP'S weight and I am her height, I was ill. Because I am a curvy gal and not designed to be petite.

 

I lost jobs, couldn't study and couldn't have proper adult relationships with men. All because yes, 110 looked great on my body but I really wasn't healthy.

 

Being skinny can ruin your life if you are not naturally small boned. It is a valid issue to be brought up, because I have a very, very nice smile as well as long thick hair, and yet when I was too thin, just 110, that made me way LESS attractive to men because my face didn't look nice that thin.

 

The OP may be naturally petite but bare in mind:

 

70% of women are naturally a BMI of 21 or above. 110 at 5'4 is well bellow BMI 21.

 

If the OP's natural set point is 10 lbs heavier, than being even slightly bellow her optimal weight can make her less attractive to the opposite sex because it diminishes your vitality and liveliness. You think about food often and your personality isn't to your full potential.

 

Just putting it out there - MANY women do not look anorexic but they are a tad too thin for their natural frame without realising it and they can needlessly suffer because they do not look anorexic enough to be of a cause for concern.

 

 

 

 

I gained to 130 and for me, it made a lot of difference. Men are attracted to me more now than when I was 110 lbs.

 

 

 

 

 

Being skinny can kill you. Actually, being under your set point can trigger a very unfortunate series of events that can absolutely be deadly.

[mercuryshadow]

I struggled with my appearance for a long time. I was targeted at the end of middle school, beginning of hs because I was quiet/shy and it was painfully obvious that I lacked self-esteem. Being bullied/shunned by some really vicious girls for a long period of time completely brainwashed me into thinking I must be ugly. Guess what? I wasn't. On the other hand, guys chased after me...but I wrote them off because I could not possibly see how anyone could find me attractive. I deemed myself awkward and ugly. I had to go into intensive therapy to recover, but I was still left with a lot of scars. It was all in my head. Looking back at photos of myself from back then, I am astonished. It was all because of how I held myself. I paid no attention to those who saw through that and saw my potential... It is, unfortunately, human condition to be affected by the negative as opposed to letting the positive feedback or compliments set you free.

Nearly 15 years later, I embrace most everything about me. I like myself. People notice that. Changing my mindset has made me feel 100x more attractive than I did back then. Which is ironic, because when I look back at photos, I was very slim and toned, had a lot of very nice features... Whereas now, I'm lean but not as effortlessly as then, and obviously not as young as I was then... I just didn't see it back then. I will say, though, that as I grew to like myself more, it became easier to fall into a personal style that suits me and enhances my good assets. I hope you will learn to go with who you are and own yourself, rather than consistently holding onto the idea of "I wish I looked like someone else"... That will never, ever work in your favor.

[Thaymore]

I understand some of your concerns about my weight. According to the BMI, I am underweight. I am not aneroxic though and I eat basically everything, but I cannot seem to gain a lot of weight. I do notice myself getting a little little bit chubbier when that happens, so its weird my weight doesn't go up much.

 

As for my body structure, I do have ass but I am lacking in the boobs compartment.

But anyways, I believe I'm healthy. Thank you for all the concerns though. I know everyones coming from a good intention.

[Thaymore]

OP im not ugly and men dont exactly walk up to me on a reg basis ither most people are afraid too.

 

I don't get why you would think you're ugly?

 

My questions are.....

Do you have straight teeth?

Do you wear makeup?

how do you have your hair?

Do you dress nicely?

Is your skin clear ?

 

If you do none of those I can see why you may not attract but from my experience unless your zit faced or have horrid teeth every single girl is decent looking all just look different.

 

I sit on the bus a lot and see all kinds of girls the only ones that I would ever say were ugly would be the ones that dont maintain themselves properly.

 

I have straight, but not extremely white teeth. I wear minimal makeup. I put it down, sometimes ponytails. No curl. I don't think I dress that nicely. Its hard to find my style. Clear skin sometimes. I wash my face with a cleanser when I wear makeup, but I don't use a cleanser when I don't. Seems a little pointless to me, and there are a lot of chemicals in a cleanser. I don't know if that's unhealty for my skin, but it works so far.

[Thaymore]

Just a quick question btw, I am trying out different dress styles now because I used to be the jean, sneaker and hoodie girl and I think guys might see me as a bro instead of a lover. Should I dress more girly? I realized a lot of my clothes does not have a perfect fit on me. Should I aim for clothes that fits my body type? I realized I buy and wear clothes I see that looks attractive on the model, but it doesn't fit me. Does it matter what a girl wears as long as she looks clean?

[somedude81]

Couple of questions.

 

Do you think that you are less attractive than other women your age, or do you think that you may be ugly because you aren't getting attention from guys?

 

What is your ethnicity and what is the majority ethnicity? If you're Indian and everybody else is white, it would make sense why guys aren't asking you out.

 

Would you describe yourself as shy or outgoing? If a girl is really quiet, few men would become interested in her, unless she was absolutely beautiful.

 

You mentioned that you're lacking in boobs. Are you talking flat or just small?

 

The jeans and hoodie look on a girl is horrible and I'm assuming that the jeans you wear aren't tight at all. You really should stick to form fitting clothes. If you're thin, don't hide your body. If you have a nice butt and legs, wear shorts (weather permitting) or tight jeans.

 

You might even consider working out to really shape your butt and legs.

[Weezy1973]

Just a quick question btw, I am trying out different dress styles now because I used to be the jean, sneaker and hoodie girl and I think guys might see me as a bro instead of a lover. Should I dress more girly? I realized a lot of my clothes does not have a perfect fit on me. Should I aim for clothes that fits my body type? I realized I buy and wear clothes I see that looks attractive on the model, but it doesn't fit me. Does it matter what a girl wears as long as she looks clean?

 

The first thing is that I'll agree with most of the guys here - just being slim probably leaves you in the above average category. In terms of what you wear - when a guy falls for you it won't matter. You could wear a potato sack and he'd still think you're the most beautiful woman on the planet.

 

Be yourself. Wear whatever suits your personality.

[Thaymore]

Do you think that you are less attractive than other women your age, or do you think that you may be ugly because you aren't getting attention from guys?

 

I think that I am less attractive than other women my age (not just the gorgeous ones). I feel like I am the least attractive if I am in a room of girls.

 

What is your ethnicity and what is the majority ethnicity? If you're Indian and everybody else is white, it would make sense why guys aren't asking you out.

 

I am Asian. I don't know how Asian girls are viewed as in the dating scene, but I never really believe ethnicity is that important.

 

Would you describe yourself as shy or outgoing? If a girl is really quiet, few men would become interested in her, unless she was absolutely beautiful.

 

I used to be outgoing, but I didn't get much attention from that. I am quite quiet now, because I think that it is annoying to guys if I am unattractive and outgoing. I feel that they will think "who does she think she is". I used to be outgoing and are comfortable talking to guys, but in the end, one of them actually told me he doesn't see me that way. ApparentIy, he thought I liked him because I was outgoing, talked a lot to him and seemed interested in him. I didmt even liked him. That's why I don't do it anymore, I don't want that to happen again.

 

It is hard with me to carry conversations with strangers at a party. I don't know what to talk about. Any ideas?

 

You mentioned that you're lacking in boobs. Are you talking flat or just small?

 

I have small boobs, not flat. Not trying to go in details here, but many small Bs.

 

The jeans and hoodie look on a girl is horrible and I'm assuming that the jeans you wear aren't tight at all. You really should stick to form fitting clothes. If you're thin, don't hide your body. If you have a nice butt and legs, wear shorts (weather permitting) or tight jeans.

 

Haha, yes I'll have to admit they are not even tight jeans, makes me look weird. I'm changing my style though . Are dresses a good option? And should I wear more makeup?

[Thaymore]

Couple of questions.

 

Do you think that you are less attractive than other women your age, or do you think that you may be ugly because you aren't getting attention from guys?

 

What is your ethnicity and what is the majority ethnicity? If you're Indian and everybody else is white, it would make sense why guys aren't asking you out.

 

Would you describe yourself as shy or outgoing? If a girl is really quiet, few men would become interested in her, unless she was absolutely beautiful.

 

You mentioned that you're lacking in boobs. Are you talking flat or just small?

 

The jeans and hoodie look on a girl is horrible and I'm assuming that the jeans you wear aren't tight at all. You really should stick to form fitting clothes. If you're thin, don't hide your body. If you have a nice butt and legs, wear shorts (weather permitting) or tight jeans.

 

You might even consider working out to really shape your butt and legs.

 

Hope that answered your questions. Thanks.

[mercuryshadow]

Just a quick question btw, I am trying out different dress styles now because I used to be the jean, sneaker and hoodie girl and I think guys might see me as a bro instead of a lover. Should I dress more girly? I realized a lot of my clothes does not have a perfect fit on me. Should I aim for clothes that fits my body type? I realized I buy and wear clothes I see that looks attractive on the model, but it doesn't fit me. Does it matter what a girl wears as long as she looks clean?

If you want to have a personal style that gets you noticed, then yes. You don't need to wear dresses to look more feminine. Start with some pretty cami tops and find a fitted jacket or two to go over them. You can still wear jeans, but a darker wash and form fitting cut is more dressy. Also, some cute, comfy sandals will help pull the look together.