spirius Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Can you forgive a cheat? They didn't sleep together, but there was a massive emotional betrayal and some physicality. Right now she is making NC, but I feel she is going to find out if she wants him by trying it out then realise she made a mistake as do her friends and family Link to post Share on other sites
JimmyWeezy Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 For the person I am, I could never accept it. And my trust is very tiny, it's who I am, so I never could be peaceful again. And let me tell you this, from my experience, they always end up making the same mistake again, whatever that is. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sugarlove Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 For one thing, it's really hard not to want to paint a pretty picture of them. Physical betrayal is bad, but I think emotional betrayal is harder to get over. My ex decided to sext some overseas chick and he didn't even apologise about it. Looking back, I remembered he told me the ex before me found out some letters he wrote to his exgfs in the past and broke off with him. I now think they are sexting texts she found. Cheats don't change, they just get better at not being caught. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I cant forgive for this. I was cheated on just in a brief relationship and i don't think i will ever forgive him, but certainly i am over him. And it's ok , you don't have to forgive her. It sounds like you are still hoping for reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spirius Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 I am still hoping for reconciliation, despite my head knowing it is a bad idea. Cannot let go of the hope that she still wants me. She said she still loves me, but that she can't trust herself not to do it again...she has been utterly lost recently and everyone seems to think she gone off the deep end. What hurts about this is that for two months we have had tension due to this guy being a colleague whom she lift shares with and he was coming on to her, which she was open about and I felt she wasn't putting her foot down enough to not sort of green light the behaviour. She was getting stressed about it too, but after a confrontation between them, she realised she had feelings for him. But it is doomed, they work together and it would ruin her worklife, due to the particular nature of her job. She is the smartest girl I know, makes me feel stupid and I have a first class degree...he is a thug, in to all the stuff she hates etc. We would talk about poetry, read to each other, great sex life even up till a few hours before she did this...I just think she thinks we can't get past this. But oh I don't know, im so confused. I love her, I cant imagine my sweet lady with the morals I was so attracted has done this and ...blah. Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Can you forgive a cheat? They didn't sleep together, but there was a massive emotional betrayal and some physicality. Right now she is making NC, but I feel she is going to find out if she wants him by trying it out then realise she made a mistake as do her friends and family With time you can forgive a cheat but that doesn't mean you can still be together. How sure can you be that she didn't physically cheat on you? How far did the emotional betrayal go? It's very easy for all of us to say to move on but you really need to dude. No good can come of this Link to post Share on other sites
Author spirius Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 I have no idea how long her feelings were developing, but he was texting all the time, they were in a car together sometimes 14 hours a day due to work...she had said he kept inviting her in for coffee after their shift etc and eventually she accepted, went in and cuddled up on his sofa for hours talking about feelings for each other and me. She then stood me up next day left me sitting for hours, and the next day, didn't come over after her shift the day before her holiday and while I was up at 3am waiting for her she was snogging and groping on his sofa. Then she told me/dumped me by letter at midnight after I had just picked my kids up and she went on holiday an hour later. She said she knew of all people this was a huge betrayal, because it had caused so many issues for us and I had literally agreed at one point to 100% let her deal with the harassment, and she assured me this is the 21st century, she can deal with situations and to trust her. So I did and three weeks later... Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I could see myself working on a marriage of 15 years and a one time deal. In your case, I'd walk away promptly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lalasita Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Can you forgive a cheat? They didn't sleep together, but there was a massive emotional betrayal and some physicality. Right now she is making NC, but I feel she is going to find out if she wants him by trying it out then realise she made a mistake as do her friends and family No never... Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Impossible. If I hadn't been betrayed by my best friend a few years ago and had still been naive like before, then I surely would have someday been the type of girl posting my sorrows on here and everyone telling me "BREAK UP GURL, DON'T LET HIM STRING YOU ALONG" etc. But I have been, and no matter what relationship, whether friendship or love involved - I just don't need drama, and above all I need my sanity. There's the door, find someone else who puts up with your bull*****. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Sure I could forgive them in time, holding a grudge is bad for the soul.....However, I would NEVER deal with nor be with that person again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I know a couple who has gotten back together after a cheating incident and they've gone about a year now. Of course, a year is nothing really so I wouldn't be surprised if the same mistake happens again. They're also really young, one is 19 while the other being 22. Personally, I feel I would be able to forgive someone who cheated but only after a really long time since it's never happened to me so far. I would never get back together with someone who cheated though because why should you? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Spirus There's no point in forgiving a cheater who hasn't asked for forgiveness. She is no longer contacting you & is with him. The decision is out of your hands. Right now in the immediate aftermath you are hurt & you want the good times back. As your wounds heal & scab over in the unlikely event she comes crawling back you will be strong enough to say no thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I'm not clear at this point...are the two of you back together, or is she with him? And...this might be a thread better suited to the infidelity section, especially if your goal is reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
Kid_Charlemange Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Complicated. If it was a one-time thing, and she admitted to the "mistake," that's one thing. This sounds like an ongoing temptation and she's not admitting to any bad behavior. That sounds dangerous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spirius Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 Well what took me by surprise is that she actually slapped down his advances pretty hard a week or so ago...but apparently that airing of his intentions has led to her realising she has feelings. I think she may love me, but not be in love with me maybe...and when we met, she was saying "you think we can move past this?" like she thought it would be too much work rather than she didn't still want me. because friends and family and general opinion are so down on this guy, im wondering whether this is pushing her more and more to it we are not together, she hasn't replied since Sunday so I should be taking the hint I guess, but im not sure and neither is her bff that she is really done with me and they're like will & grace. she stopped talking to him for a day or so as she said that she was being an idiot, that he is no good for her and that im a good guy. obviously doesn't much, as she feels what she feels... but we are both worried she is so lost at the moment, she will decide how she feels at the moment by trying him out, realise made a mistake and try to reverse it. I wana give her the chance to halt before that point, but I don't think she will Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Well what took me by surprise is that she actually slapped down his advances pretty hard a week or so ago...but apparently that airing of his intentions has led to her realising she has feelings. I think she may love me, but not be in love with me maybe...and when we met, she was saying "you think we can move past this?" like she thought it would be too much work rather than she didn't still want me. because friends and family and general opinion are so down on this guy, im wondering whether this is pushing her more and more to it we are not together, she hasn't replied since Sunday so I should be taking the hint I guess, but im not sure and neither is her bff that she is really done with me and they're like will & grace. she stopped talking to him for a day or so as she said that she was being an idiot, that he is no good for her and that im a good guy. obviously doesn't much, as she feels what she feels... but we are both worried she is so lost at the moment, she will decide how she feels at the moment by trying him out, realise made a mistake and try to reverse it. I wana give her the chance to halt before that point, but I don't think she will Yes, it seems as though she is making her decision by NOT making a decision. Right now she is done with you and you really should move on. If she changes her mind and wants you back then you have to decide whether you want to be a spineless back-up plan or have the strength of character to tell her that its over and done. You aren't married. You don't have children. Why on earth would you consider putting yourself through all of the pain and agony of trying to reconcile. Especially when there is a very good chance it's not going to work out anyway. Life is short - single life is shorter. She failed the GF test so you would be an idiot to try to give her the wife test. Move on for Christ's sake. Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 People don't change if they cheated once they will do it again.My ex is a perfect example took 3 years apart between cheats but it happened. Link to post Share on other sites
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