pink_sugar Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 So my dad calls me and tells me he's planning to run for city council....then asks me if he can count on my help (I live 2.5 hours away). When I told him I'd try to help with the social media aspect, but I couldn't make any promises as I have a lot going on in my own life, he proceeds as if he expected nothing but a "yes" answer as he's "done this and that for me". Basically thinks I'm "entitled" to help him. Though I told him I couldn't make promises, he goes on as if I said "yes". If he bothers me about it again, I will tell him that I did not promise him anything. If anyone has any other suggestions on how to stand my ground and get him to not continue to run over me, please give your input. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Forget the fact that he's your dad for a moment. Do you think he'd make a good councilman, doing a good job? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Put your foot down and say look, I'll try to help, but I have my own stuff going on and it won't be a priority for me. If that's not enough for you, perhaps you should find some one else to help you out. Good luck dad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 Forget the fact that he's your dad for a moment. Do you think he'd make a good councilman, doing a good job? Possibly, cannot say for sure as we disagree on some social issues. That really is besides the point though. I'm looking for a way to establish proper boundaries with him. I know he's looking for a way for people to help with his campaign with little financial investment...though I might be a little more willing if he wanted to give me a few bucks for my time. Not just insist I do it for free because "I owe it to him". Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 Put your foot down and say look, I'll try to help, but I have my own stuff going on and it won't be a priority for me. If that's not enough for you, perhaps you should find some one else to help you out. Good luck dad. Will definitely do. Thanks for your input. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Why are you making it all black or all white with him? Can't you communicate with him or something? If you can do something for him you should do it and if you can't explain why you can't. Family is suppose to be there for each other but your complaining makes it sound like maybe this isn't always the way it is in yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) Why are you making it all black or all white with him? Can't you communicate with him or something? If you can do something for him you should do it and if you can't explain why you can't. Family is suppose to be there for each other but your complaining makes it sound like maybe this isn't always the way it is in yours. The problem is that I cannot explain anything to him without him coming up with some reason as to why I should. He doesn't listen to explanations. In regards to family being there for one another, it's always been a one way street for him. That rule only applies for him. But when my brother and I have needed help, he definitely makes himself scarce. And as I mentioned before, I said I would try and help with a part of it if time allowed. Him complaining that I cannot do 100% of what he asked is unreasonable. Edited July 10, 2014 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 The problem is that I cannot explain anything to him without him coming up with some reason as to why I should. He doesn't listen to explanations. In regards to family being there for one another, it's always been a one way street for him. That rule only applies for him. But when my brother and I have needed help, he definitely makes himself scarce. And as I mentioned before, I said I would try and help with a part of it if time allowed. Him complaining that I cannot do 100% of what he asked is unreasonable. That sucks that he's like that. I wouldn't go out of my way to help him then if I were you. You'll just resent him more if you put your needs second to his. Did you ever call him out on his bad parenting? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 That sucks that he's like that. I wouldn't go out of my way to help him then if I were you. You'll just resent him more if you put your needs second to his. Did you ever call him out on his bad parenting? I've tried calling him out in the past, but he doesn't believe he did anything wrong most of the time or he'll blame it on "Well, your mother this" or "I was a single parent that" etc etc. I just try and ignore it and keep visits with him short as he's just a very negative person. Moving out of the area and further away from him has done a world of good for me. Now only if he'd stop calling me so often... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Try saying, “I can do [? Up to you, maybe 2 hours every other weekend]. Do you want to set up a time we can talk Saturday about what to do?” That’s a boundary. And instead of sounding negative, you’re telling him you’ll help (so good of you) but you set your parameters. Win-win. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Now only if he'd stop calling me so often... You don't have to answer or even return the call right away. Maybe he'll get the hint. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 You don't have to answer or even return the call right away. Maybe he'll get the hint. That's cruel lol just say "sure daddy" lol help him out whenever you can, and when you're too busy just tell him you can't make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 12, 2014 Author Share Posted July 12, 2014 You don't have to answer or even return the call right away. Maybe he'll get the hint. That's true, my brother has been doing this and my dad doesn't call him as much as a result. It's actually kind of funny my dad thinks there must be something wrong with my cellphone carrier that I'm not returning or answering his calls. I sure thought he wad smarter than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 19, 2014 Author Share Posted July 19, 2014 So since my last update, my dad has called several times about really random and inane things...like rocking out with his girlfriend and such. Today he called to tell me he changed the date for his campaign for citu council launch and demanded I be there. I told him I already have arrangements to be in the area the week before and after and not only can I not afford to come that much, but that it wasn't going to be feasible. Then he said I should drop my plans and put his first. Seriously?! My husband has relatives visiting from across the country once a year and my dad thinks he should still come first on short notice. He even said he'd pay for my gas. Not really sure what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 19, 2014 Share Posted July 19, 2014 Can you bring your visiting relatives with you? I know you two aren't close but when in doubt it doesn't ever hurt to do the right thing...which in your case would be being there for him. You'll sleep easier that way... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 19, 2014 Author Share Posted July 19, 2014 Can you bring your visiting relatives with you? I know you two aren't close but when in doubt it doesn't ever hurt to do the right thing...which in your case would be being there for him. You'll sleep easier that way... My husband's relatives aren't visiting until the following weekend, which we planned for a few months back. I think I will take my dad's offer of paying for gas as that is the biggest concern as traveling 2.5 hours there and back 3 weekends in a row isn't cheap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 So, not only is my dad making demands for me to drive down and visit at his beck and call, but EVERY TIME I have a conversation with him he acts as if I don't "appreciate" him enough. Nothing I do is ever good enough. The past year I have been financially strapped and could only give him a card and a small simple gift, but he acts as if I NEVER get him anything, because this past Father's day I just said Happy Father's day and it wasn't good enough to acknowledge him. I honestly feel as if he doesn't even deserve that! I've never met someone who demands monetary gifts for father's day, birthday's and holidays. Even though I live nearly 3 hours away, he demands that I drive down and at least cook for him if I cannot buy him a gift. On top of that, he's always bringing up the past and thinks I "owe him for raising me". He keeps bringing up "Oh, remember that time I saved your life?" I am so glad I moved away from him. I suppose there is nothing more I can do but just not answer his phone calls. He's been calling me every few days with random nonsense, from bragging about his million dollar real estate leads, to going to concerts with his girlfriend and etc. You'd think with his business, running for city council and spending time with his girlfriend, he'd be preoccupied enough not to harass me with inane things. Any other suggestions other than ignoring his phone calls? Link to post Share on other sites
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