Constantly complaining about sex???

[giotto]

OMG... and you are having a baby with him? :eek:

[dichotomy]

REALLY? You think bjs are MORE intimate than intercourse? Interesting... But I do agree that other than being selfish, he is missing the intimacy, body on body, coitus type of sex.

 

 

I do, and its also submissive, and that's why I think statistically speaking its the act (BJ's) that gets "taken off the regular menu" more than PIV in most troubled marriages. .

 

But I guess each person will define which sex act means most to them in a loving relationship.

 

But given the fact that many marriages sex is once a week, and oral not frequent - I think CandyPants husband is a total douche bag to complain about sex several times A DAY - including lots of oral. Also when his wife who is carrying his child - says something gives her pain? And he whines? total douche bag.

Edited July 11, 2014 by dichotomy

[bwright42tx]

REALLY? You think bjs are MORE intimate than intercourse? Interesting... But I do agree that other than being selfish, he is missing the intimacy, body on body, coitus type of sex.

 

Yes, I do. Maybe that's because I only get one or two a year . . . three if I'm lucky.

 

But let me elaborate....for me a BJ to completion and swallowing is the single most intimate thing my wife can do for me. A BJ without swallowing or not to completion, I'd rather just have intercourse.

 

My wife and I have discussed this and this is why I only get BJs less than a handful of times a year. My wife doesn't like to swallow, and I'd rather have that 1 or 2 or 3 BJs a year where she does than one a week where she doesn't. Compromise at it's finest.

[Mr. Lucky]

My wife and I have discussed this and this is why I only get BJs less than a handful of times a year. My wife doesn't like to swallow, and I'd rather have that 1 or 2 or 3 BJs a year where she does than one a week where she doesn't. Compromise at it's finest.

I don't understand putting conditions on it. The worst BJ I ever had, whether spit, swallowed or thrown across the room, was still pretty wonderful (How would that look on a bumper sticker ?)...

 

Mr. Lucky

[bwright42tx]

I don't understand putting conditions on it. The worst BJ I ever had, whether spit, swallowed or thrown across the room, was still pretty wonderful (How would that look on a bumper sticker ?)...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Nice bumper sticker...

 

It wasn't really putting conditions on it...it's not really swallowing she minds, she doesn't really want me to finish in her mouth at all, and I could never help but feel a little disappointed when she'd "pull off" at the last second and finish with her hand, etc...since I could remember all the times she didn't (limited though they were) and how much better the experience was for me. She could sense this disappointment/reaction in me, even though I never said a word, and it led her to think some combination of I didn't enjoy BJs and she wasn't very good at them (neither of which is true).

 

That, combined with it taking me 30 + minutes, sometimes over an hour, to finish led to several years of no BJs. When we finally were able to have an open and honest conversation about it things got better, we both better understood what the other wanted, and we arrived at the compromise as it sits today.

 

Back to the OP, I think this is only going to get resolved with a lot of open and honest conversation with her SO. Although I'm not sure she was looking for a resolution. Maybe juts more of a place/way to vent and some confirmation her husband was being an ASS.

[Quiet Storm]

He needs to adjust his expectations and you need to stop being so accommodating.

 

His needs are excessive, IMO. As a wife, I agree that we should strive to meet our husband's needs. But it has to be a reasonable need.

 

He is shooting himself in the foot here. He doesn't realize that by being so demanding, eventually you will feel like "pleasing him" is a chore, which will lead to resentment. His behavior has the potential to change you from a willing, playful, passionate partner into a "lets get this over with" kind of partner who does it out of obligation, and not as a way to connect.

 

I think you should tell him "You know that I am a very sexual person, and I love pleasing you. But X times per day is just too much for me right now, and I need to you to be understanding of that. Marriages have ups & downs. They ebb & flow. Be patient. This is only temporary, I promise. I love you and this side of our relationship is very important to me, but you're wearing me out! I can't keep up anymore. I have been considerate of your needs and tried my best to accommodate you. I need your love, support & understanding- not demands or added stress."

 

If you tell him that and he still makes unreasonable demands, he is just a selfish & inconsiderate person. If that's the way he is, I really feel for you because you should be relaxing, preparing, nesting... not stressing out over this petty bullsh/t.

[Elliotte]

I am arguing with my wife about getting her to even touch my penis more than once a week and you're giving this guy 2-5 BJs a day and he is still complaining!!?!? IS THIS EVEN REAL!?!? I had sex with my son's mom for quite awhile when she's pregnant, but there reached a point where it stopped for about a good portion of her third trimester, I might have gotten one BJ the entire time, I might mention dry spells under regular circumstances, but certainly gave her space when she was about to pop, I was too busy preparing to be a dad!

 

But to complain about this guy's INSANELY AMAZING WIFE who gives him multiple BJs a day!?!? I really hope it actually has nothing to do with him not getting "enough", and more that he's stressing out about becoming a dad and rather than be vulnerable with you about it, he's blowing smoke to get out his emotions, or isn't even aware of what he truly is stressing about.

 

For the sake of all that is good in this world, DO NOT feel like 2-5 BJs a day is "not enough" or that while nearing time to deliver you still need to be just as active in bed!!!

[TAV]

What are you going to do when the child is there, needing all your attention? Your husband sounds selfish and instead of teaching this big baby to grow up you are creating an impossible situation for yourself and your child.

 

He should not need sex so many times a day, or mandatory PIV for validation. Something is wrong.

[SummerDreams]

Things are pretty simple for my eyes, this person showed with this incident his real self and how he will behave throughout his marriage and parenthood. No time for regrets now for the OP since she is already pregnant, the only thing she can do is try to get him come to his senses. What I find weird is that the OP is actually justifying his ****ty behavior "he has a very high drive", as if this is the total excuse for disrespecting your wife and your to be born kid. I'm sorry to say that it's so unfair that some people get the chance to be "parents" while they don't deserve it and others who totally deserve it don't. Life is an unfair b@tch.

[SmartDude]

A good relationship has a balance of power. Both sexes need to accommodate and compromise for the opposite sex.

 

This guy is disrupting that balance. He is not acknowledging how you feel as a woman. Put him in his place, but do it gently. Men operate on logic, so explain to him how things actually work when a woman is pregnant. Don't be heavy with emotion, just be practical. If he does not listen he is being inconsiderate...Unless there is more to this story.

 

He may protest wildly and throw a fit. Then he will calm down again and maybe begin to think about it...

[Holding-On]

He's an a$$. I hope he grows up before you have this child because he is going to have to step up and be a man real soon. Your relationship overall, from your other posts, is very troubling. Do not stay with this guy just because you think he will change, he won't. He is selfish, has no boundaries, treats you like his possession and he blames it on externals that he doesn't get help for. Prepare yourself because throwing a baby into this mix will only exacerbate everything as he will no longer be the center of your universe 24/7 especially from birth until five years old.

 

I think you deserve much better. You have an honesty, a selflessness that enables men like this to take you for granted. You already left once and he still acts like a moron, so how long are you going to accept this kind of behavior? I normally wouldn't be this harsh with you but you are one of my favorite posters here and I hate to read how he treats you overall. This issue is just one in many where he thinks only about himself and personally, I think you deserve more. He needs help, therapy, for issues beyond you and yet he still does very little to heal. You can't fix him and as long as he is self absorbed, he will never be the kind of man that makes a good father.

 

My wife was never pregnant but I can assure you that complaining about anything that hurt her during pregnancy, or even during non pregnancy wouldn't even register to me. I actually want her to be safe, to protect her from pain and to do nothing that causes harm to her in any way. My high sex drive doesn't denote my ability to be loving towards my wife for any reason and I'm not entitled to her favors when she is sick from having my child. You go way beyond what is expected during this time and yet he is still a whiny a$$. Time to say no, and stop catering to his self absorption. Then ask yourself if this is how any man acts towards someone he loves.

Good luck

Grumps

 

This is BEAUTIFULLY written. Please read it six or seven or a dozen times. However long it takes to sink in.

[Smilecharmer]

Hey candy pants, I'm thinking about you today. Sending you beautiful thoughts of peace and happiness.

[TAV]

This thread makes me so angry.

 

People on LS view me as sexually obsessed and inconsiderate but this really takes the cake.

 

While my wife was pregnant I didn't ask for sex at all. We had PIV a few times in the first trimester, perhaps 1x per week or so.

 

Keep in mind that we had bee have sex about 10 to 14 times a week before. I didn't complain at all. I tried to make her as comfortable as possible. I made her breaks are every day, didn't let her do any house work, made sure she got anything she needed to make her more comfortable.

 

After a while PIV was too uncomfortable for her so we stopped. At this point I still went down on her when she wanted and got a bj every now and then. Towards the end she didn't want me to anymore at all but still gave me 2 bjs in the last few weeks and I was hugely grateful. But didn't ask for them. She wanted to give them to me.

 

After the birth we didn't have sex for quite a while. Things went back to normalish, but then 8 months ago the real problems started.

 

But the point is that I would never have dreamed of insisting on sex during her pregnancy. The nerve!

 

OP, the fact that even Thenasdan gets upset reading this (no offense) should give you a clue just how far away from normality this situation is. I really do hope you wise up before you feel out of your depth trying to meet his selfish needs and the very real needs of your baby at the same time.

 

From what I've read in your posts you are a true Lioness with her Cub in the making so I know you will do the right thing.

[dichotomy]

CP's last post was three days ago (july 10) to start this thread? and has not returned?

 

I hope she is ok.

[SummerDreams]

CP's last post was three days ago (july 10) to start this thread? and has not returned?

 

I hope she is ok.

 

I wouldn't be ok if I had to give 5 bjs a day and hear the whining as well. :rolleyes:

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Because of her avatar I recognize CP when she posts, but don't pay significant attention outside knowing she she s HD.

 

So I see this thread and again am flabbergasted by what she wrote. Saw another poster giving insight that she does not have a normal relationship and do my search.

 

Now I just shake my head, worry about her and hope that her and the baby will be okay. Sorry one thing reading 4-5 BJ's/day, then she is pregnant, further that she has/had left him, how crazy in love she is and then that he is an ex-con....

 

Hope for the best.

[A1135]

What are you going to do when the child is there, needing all your attention? Your husband sounds selfish and instead of teaching this big baby to grow up you are creating an impossible situation for yourself and your child.

 

He should not need sex so many times a day, or mandatory PIV for validation. Something is wrong.

 

Excellently put! When my wife was pregnant and in the early phase of having a new baby we had sex once in 12 months. The first 3 months after the child is born your partner will get almost no attention, sexual or otherwise. It really is a major shake up in your relationship dynamic. I found that all my wifes attention went to our son, and all my attention went to him and her, and I got nothing. But that's normal and how it needs to be. If he is upset now with what many men would see as too much sexual attention how will he go when it hits zero. Need to start lowering his expectations and he needs to grow up and be a man.

[Candy_Pants]

Hello everyone, sorry busy weekend! I'm doing okay!

 

First of all thank you for responding. After this generalized post I'll answer (some) posts directly.

 

To those who said he was being selfish, you're absolutely right. I've been holding back my normally (over) giving ways. Not at a game. Simply because his behavior is not attractive to me. This is not the type of behavior I will accept any longer. And I'm not speaking strictly about the sexual selfishness.

 

The sexual selfishness is a symptom of a much bigger problem in my marriage; disrespect. I have new rules for my life, if he wants to follow these rules I'll allow him to be in my life. If not..."don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya."

[Candy_Pants]

Jesus. Get your H on any standard-issue message board and have him post this:

 

"My wife is 7 months pregnant, and having a few comfort issues, but we only have sex once a week and she only gives me 2-5 handjobs or blowjobs a day! :mad:"

 

Other than a few smartasses telling him to "kick her to the kerb!", he'll get the skinning of his life.

I actually suggested this . He knows he's being selfish, and "tries" to keep his complaints to a minimum :rolleyes:.

 

He's an a$$. I hope he grows up before you have this child because he is going to have to step up and be a man real soon. Your relationship overall, from your other posts, is very troubling. Do not stay with this guy just because you think he will change, he won't. He is selfish, has no boundaries, treats you like his possession and he blames it on externals that he doesn't get help for. Prepare yourself because throwing a baby into this mix will only exacerbate everything as he will no longer be the center of your universe 24/7 especially from birth until five years old.

 

I think you deserve much better. You have an honesty, a selflessness that enables men like this to take you for granted. You already left once and he still acts like a moron, so how long are you going to accept this kind of behavior? I normally wouldn't be this harsh with you but you are one of my favorite posters here and I hate to read how he treats you overall. This issue is just one in many where he thinks only about himself and personally, I think you deserve more. He needs help, therapy, for issues beyond you and yet he still does very little to heal. You can't fix him and as long as he is self absorbed, he will never be the kind of man that makes a good father.

 

My wife was never pregnant but I can assure you that complaining about anything that hurt her during pregnancy, or even during non pregnancy wouldn't even register to me. I actually want her to be safe, to protect her from pain and to do nothing that causes harm to her in any way. My high sex drive doesn't denote my ability to be loving towards my wife for any reason and I'm not entitled to her favors when she is sick from having my child. You go way beyond what is expected during this time and yet he is still a whiny a$$. Time to say no, and stop catering to his self absorption. Then ask yourself if this is how any man acts towards someone he loves.

Good luck

Grumps

You are absolutely correct. As of Saturday he's on his last leg with me. I've been far too accomidating and allowed his self absorption/verbal abuse to go on far too long. After reading some books on controlling men and the tactics they use it's obvious what his thought process is. And I'm not going to allow a blanket of shame to keep me quiet and in my place any longer. **** that.

 

I told him he's to enroll in a program for abusive men if he wants to be in our lives. He went for a psychiatric evaluation. The results were not surprising. He's got issues. Not excuses. I'm done being an emotional punching bag. I'm done allowing him to slowly change the beautiful person I am into a confused/hurt/angry person.

 

If he quits this program for ANY REASON, I'm going to a woman's shelter and staying there. I am also seeking my own therapy for things I've done in this relationship. No excuses, I've also ****ed up. But that doesn't give ANYONE permission to abuse me.

 

The last bolded statement in your comment is one I've thought of countless times. And it's confusing, like all abuse can be. On one hand I have a man who pressures me for sex by complainingn and on the other hand (here comes the excuse/confusion) I have a man who will stop sex instantly if it hurts me.

 

I have a lot to do and think of in these upcoming days. Thank you for being honest with me Grumps ((((hugs)))).

[Candy_Pants]

Intimacy is also cuddling and talking, holding hands, connecting with his wife emotionally in other ways. She's growing a human being in her body, and can't help anything that she's feeling due to the pregnancy.

 

I also wonder about when the baby is born. She doesn't need any more stress.

I've tried to explain that intimacy is NOT just "penis in vagina", but to no avail. And stress right now is horrible for me and the baby. I'm trying not to stress, just holding my ground and preparing for baby's arrival .

 

I read your other thread about your husband. He is extremely disturbed. I cannot see any positives in being around him. Please leave for your own health.

Of course you cannot see any positives. I assure you, they are there. I love him very much. But that love will never outweigh the love I have for myself, or my child.

[waterwoman]

He sounds like a complete w**ker!

 

In fact that sounds like a solution to me - tell him to become a bit less of one in personality terms and a bit more of one in reality for the next few months and give your jaw muscles and your carpal tunnel time to recover