How can I trust him?

[Witchy]

My husband is bisexual. I knew this before we were married. We have been married for a little over 3 years.

Before we were married I know he cheated on me twice. Once with a man and once with a women. Or was he cheating on them with me. He never told me the happening that surrounded it. I also found an email contacting a man for sex on craigslist.

I found out about every single incident before and after we were married from looking at his phone, email, or Facebook account.

I trusted that he would put it all behind him and married him anyway.

He has never been open with me about his bisexual nature, even when I have tried to get him too be. Our sex life is very vanilla.

Now on to the happenings. All of the following occurred after we were married.

Occasion 1- With in the first year of marriage I found him flirting with a man on Facebook. I believe the exact quote from the exchange that really set me off was "This married man still has a thing for you." I confronted him about it and he said that it was just banter and he only talked to him that way because he is also bisexual and understands what its like.

Occasion 2- I found where he had been surfing local craigslist adds for men when I left for a business trip.

At this point he refused to go to therapy with me and so I went on my own to try to deal with the betrayal I felt and to learn how to trust him again.

Some time later we decide to try to move across the country back to the SF bay area where we had lived before. He left first to find work, which he did and we moved. We were apart 5 months. I was afraid to check his phone. It had been a huge leap of faith to let him go but I told myself I had to trust him. Then one day he was on my phone and so I picked up his phone. This was in front of him mind you. I started to go through his texts and find:

Occasion 3- A text where he says of another man. (obviously the pervious conversation had already been deleted) "We can't be in a relationship…at this time" And the guy answered "LOL thats cool we can just be friends." He got mad and deleted all his texts off his phone when I demand to see exactly what was said 15 minutes later. (So suspicious)

This happened about 3 months ago. He said that he contacted the guy in the first place because he was an old friend living in an area that he had a potential job and that "relationship" was not the right word, I'm taking it wrong, and again the other guy is bisexual and so you where talking to him about what its like to be bisexual. At this point I demand for us to go to therapy and he agrees. Now the problem here is that his insurance will cover the cost but we have to pay for the sessions upfront and then they are reimbursed by his work. We are currently living paycheck to paycheck. There is not extra money pay upfront and so the subject was basically dropped. Now 3 months later I am obsessed with the thought of it. I don't know what happened, I don't know if anything happened. I have no proof that he has physically cheated on me. I do find that him opening up to others about his sexuality and not me a betrayal, call it emotional cheating it you will. Also all his friends are gay, and I know he is not the same person with them as he is with me.

Now lately he is super sweet. Not a single thing in his phone other then his browser is set to privet and there was a page open where he was searching "Big Dicks" He is being so sweet. He says stuff like "All I need is my family"" You look so pretty today" "Is it ok if I love you more?" and I usually say "thats only because I am still mad at you" "What are you mad at me about?" I say I want to go to therapy. He honestly doesn't know how crazy mad and depressed I am.

Now I am a stay at home mom who has nothing better to do then pace the house thinking about this ****. I'm a fool I know. I think about leaving but he acts as if I am his whole world now and it would crush him for me to leave.

I don't know what to do.

[WhatYouWantToHear]

The key is to stop torturing yourself, make a decision and stick with it. Either get over the fact you will have a marriage where you are constantly cheated on or leave the marriage. The options are black and white. Do not choose the gray option you are in where you just worry about everything.

 

Either accept the fact your marriage is the way it is, or end the marriage. Stop being a victim of this situation, either accept it or don't. Stop wallowing in it all.