I need

[Ihateit]

I love my girlfriend. I love her with all my heart, soul, and body. We've been dating for a year and half and it's the most healthy beautiful relationship I've ever been in. She would do anything for me and I'd do anything for her. I think about her and I smile and my body feels warm. I've had tough times and she has stuck with me. Our sex life is amazing , she sucks me 3 or 4 times a day atleast. We've done things in movie theaters in cars while my parents and family

Have been downstairs haha she's amazing.

 

 

But.

 

My ex girlfriend from 3 years ago has been texting me. She is going to come up to my hometown in 2 weeks. And I know we are going to ****. I feel guilty everyday. I hate myself for it. I feel disgusted and guilty and nothing has even happened yet. I don't understand why I'm allowing this to happen why I secretly want it. Everything is perfect, I am in a dream relationship and yet I'm seeking more. I picture myself marrying this girl and having her kids I really do we were meant to be together. Yet I want to see my ex.

 

What is wrong with me. I feel pathetic like I'm not a man who can stand up to responsibilities and commitments. I'm better than this. And she deserves the world. I love her family I can't imagine hurting her and her family ugh I feel sick thinking about it yet I won't text my ex not to come. Please has anyone felt like this. Am I a ****ing coward pussy who is going to destroy everything that is meaningful to me. I don't understand what's wrong with me please someone help.

[JS84]

Don't know what to tell you. Just sounds like you aren't all that mature. Certainly not ready for marriage or kids at this point in your life.

[Trimmer]

I love my girlfriend. I love her with all my heart, soul, and body. We've been dating for a year and half and it's the most healthy beautiful relationship I've ever been in. She would do anything for me and I'd do anything for her.

Ehhhh, let me stop you right there. You talk like a romance novel writer, but you are spouting BS. You already know that you are going to **** your ex, so you are either intentionally lying to us, or unintentionally lying to yourself, about this healthy and beautiful perfect relationship and girlfriend for whom you would do anything. Well, except for keeping your d*** out of your ex's p****. Yeah, not that, I guess.

 

I think about her and I smile and my body feels warm. I've had tough times and she has stuck with me. Our sex life is amazing , she sucks me 3 or 4 times a day atleast. We've done things in movie theaters in cars while my parents and family

Have been downstairs haha she's amazing.

I think your girlfriend is the perfect little toy - the ideal posession - but you don't respect her as a human being and partner. Simple enough, we feel differently about different people in our lives, but it sounds like it's great being with her, but you don't really have enough respect for her to say no to your ex.

 

Am I a ****ing coward pussy who is going to destroy everything that is meaningful to me.

Well, you said it, but it does kinda sound like that.

 

Let's ask some direct questions here.

 

When your ex visits, where will you meet her?

 

Where will you have sex?

 

Will you have to lie to your girlfriend about where you are while you're having sex with your ex?

 

If so, what will lies will you use?

 

Do you plan to meet your ex on more than one different occasion, or just one time for a quickie?

 

Will you shower after you have sex with your ex, before you return to your girlfriend? Change your clothes?

 

Will you use protection with your ex? What kind? Have you considered the possibility of exposing your girlfriend to STD's? Exposing your ex to pregnancy?

 

Does your ex know you have a girlfriend, or have you kept that from her?

If she knows, what is her attitude about your girlfriend?

If she doesn't know, what would she think of you cheating?

 

Did you or your ex cheat on each other when you were together?

 

OK, those are all about the buildup to the official re-f***. But you haven't yet talked about what happens after, and I really think you need to ask yourself some solid questions and consider your answers about that.

 

Do you plan to initiate a break up with your girlfriend before f****** your ex? After? Either way, will you tell her why? Give no reason? Make up some false reason?

 

If you don't initiate a breakup, will you tell your girlfriend that you f***** your ex, or will you try to hide it?

 

If you try to hide it, will you let her "suck you" her standard 3 or 4 times on the day you have sex with your ex? How about the day after? Suckage on that day? If not, how will you explain your lack of desire?

 

What do you think the chances are that your girlfriend will find out eventually? (Hint: between your guilt, your lack of control over your girlfriend, and random chance, the only acceptable answer is: almost definitely.)

 

Do you think she will have the balls to break up with you when she finds out, or will she cry and plead for you to stay with her, or something in the middle? Which of her possible reactions will increase your respect for her, and which of them will decrease your respect for her even lower than it already is?

 

If you break up, will you go back to your ex again?

 

If you don't break up, will you f*** your ex again in the future?

 

These are all real questions, not just rhetorical thought-provokers. You should really think about the answers to these, because you can pretty much see where this is going to end up, right?

 

Please tell me you do know how this is going to end up...

Edited July 11, 2014 by Trimmer

[No Limit]

Break up, or don't do it. Don't pretend you can't act against your own wishes.

Grow up.

[mangetout]

You make me sick!!

 

 

Men like you do not deserve good women.

My ex did the exact same bs that you plan to do. He had a ons with his ex too. After he had his orgasm he realised what he had done and suffered the WORST guilt ever.

 

 

We were engaged and had an amazing future together, but because it was more important to get a **** off a girl, he ruined everything.

 

 

He gave me the worst pain ever!!! All I did was love him and believed that he was a grounded and committed man.

I went into a deep depression, nearly crashed my car and had to take anti depressants. We are not together because of his stupid act.

 

 

You are no way ready for any committed relationship. I suggest you end it with your current girlfriend till you do some growing up.

[Ihateit]

Definitely drunk when I wrote this hence the crudeness of it... I don't know what to say.

 

It's not a definite that me and my ex will have sex when she comes. she's only coming for a day not even a night but last night we talked and we talked about kissing (I want to throw up). I've never cheated on someone before and I don't know why I am even considering it. All those questions you asked are right on point. It's easy to think about the act but not after the impact it will have.

 

I just wish I understood why I feel this way. I'm pleased sexually, spiritually, and emotionally with my girlfriend.

 

We have lived together our whole relationship, we moved in together like the 3rd month we were dating and this summer is the first time we've been separated (got different jobs and live 2 hours away but at the end of summer we are moving in together again). She's recently been going through some bad anxiety(panic attacks and related stuff) issues and I've been right beside her as she's cried on my shoulder and because I have PTSD and severe anxiety that I've been battling through I've been there to help her with everything I've learned about it.

 

I don't know I feel distant from her since she's been going through it but we have great communication and have talked about that a 100 times. I love her so much we are an amazing team and an amazing couple. If I see my ex and we don't do anything I'll still feel guilty there is no ****ing reason to see this girl I don't know why this is happening. I want to tell her not to come and I keep telling myself I will but I don't know ?

[Ihateit]

And we aren't having kids or getting married anytime soon I'm just saying in the future. I'm 23 and she is 21.

[Elle1975]

Well.. there is probably who you want to be, and who you are. That's probably why you feel conflicted.

 

The guilt will go away if you tell your ex you can't meet with her after all.

[d0nnivain]

If you would truly Do Anything for your perfect GF, do this:

 

Stay away from your EX while she's in town.

 

If you can't not meet her, bring your GF.

[Trimmer]

It's not a definite that me and my ex will have sex when she comes.

The concern is that it's a possibility. And you aren't guarding against it, you are fostering it and moving it forward. It doesn't have to be definite - it's already a problem.

 

All those questions you asked are right on point. It's easy to think about the act but not after the impact it will have.

Well then, you need to do the hard work of thinking about it then.

 

Let me whittle down my questions to one interesting one for the moment:

 

Does your ex know you are in a committed relationship?

 

... because I have PTSD and severe anxiety that I've been battling through I've been there to help her with everything I've learned about it.

So certainly you know what the "T" in PTSD stands for, right? You are staring right into the barrels of some major trauma, for both you and your girlfriend, if you continue on this course. Why add to your burdens?

 

If I see my ex and we don't do anything I'll still feel guilty...

Yes, of course, because you are hiding something major from your girlfriend. That's not typically what happens between committed, satisfied, amazing couples.

 

...there is no ****ing reason to see this girl I don't know why this is happening. I want to tell her not to come and I keep telling myself I will but I don't know ?

Are you under any treatment for your PTSD? Seeing a counselor or doctor or anything? If so, can you honestly relate these feelings that are leading you to some very obvious self-sabotage, and see if you can get some help?

[Ihateit]

My ex does know I am. I've talked openly about my girlfriend and told her I love her and even that there is no chance for anything real between us but I know she doesn't feel the same.

 

And I was in therapy little less then a year ago but I stopped going. I need to go again. I've been struggling with PTSD and severe anxiety for about 3 years (my ex actually left me because of it) but only was diagnosed when I went to my school psychologist and then followed up with another after to make sure. I've been prescribed ssri's but don't take them.

 

I hate that I am totally cogniscent that these actions would be self defeating and only further my anxiety but as usual Im drawn towards self destructive behavior. Everyday that draws closer to her coming I feel worse and worse and yet I just talked to her and alluded to sex. It's almost like I want to fail and want to feel ****ty about myself idk this whole thing is ****ed..sick of dealing with myself I'm just bitching and moaning at this point I need to do the honorable thing. I was thinking I could lie to her and say that I have work the day she's coming. She already bought her ticket here and I don't want to make her waste her money. Idk it's all excuses I have to figure this out.

[JS84]

I think you need help beyond what can be provided on this forum. You need therapy and to be compliant with your medications. You also don't sound like you need to be in a relationship at all. You're just going to hurt someone who doesn't sound damaged like you. It seems like you're just going to wind up hurting her and bringing her closer down to your level. Which she doesn't deserve.

 

I'm not saying this to be insulting or condescending, I really hope you get help but you sound like a train wreck any decent woman should stay away from. At least at this point in your life.

[Trimmer]

My ex does know I am. I've talked openly about my girlfriend and told her I love her and even that there is no chance for anything real between us but I know she doesn't feel the same.

So do you see that she is not just an opportunity for you to engage in self-defeating behavior, she is actually actively and knowingly pushing you towards it?

 

Was there a similar dynamic in your relationship when you were together?

 

sick of dealing with myself I'm just bitching and moaning at this point I need to do the honorable thing. I was thinking I could lie to her and say that I have work the day she's coming. She already bought her ticket here and I don't want to make her waste her money. Idk it's all excuses I have to figure this out.

You're tending towards trying to find a way to lie your way out of this, and I understand that, but there are two ways you could "truth" your way out of it instead. One would be to tell your ex the truth that being with her is a bad idea for you and damaging to your relationship, and that you are not going to do that. Be in control - you make the decision, and tell her the truth about why.

 

The other, and perhaps riskier, is to share the truth of the situation with your girlfriend. "But that would be crazy," you say... "There's a good chance it might damage the relationship!" Yes, and if you continue hiding your issues with your ex, it's almost certain that will damage your relationship. So if you at least want to have some chance of coming out the other side with some honor and hope for your relationship, why not take the chance on truth?

 

And I was in therapy little less then a year ago but I stopped going. I need to go again. I've been struggling with PTSD and severe anxiety for about 3 years (my ex actually left me because of it) but only was diagnosed when I went to my school psychologist and then followed up with another after to make sure. I've been prescribed ssri's but don't take them.

 

I hate that I am totally cogniscent that these actions would be self defeating and only further my anxiety but as usual Im drawn towards self destructive behavior. Everyday that draws closer to her coming I feel worse and worse and yet I just talked to her and alluded to sex. It's almost like I want to fail and want to feel ****ty about myself idk this whole thing is ****ed..

Look, I'm not a therapist or anything close, but you seem to have some kind of self-sabotage thing going on here, and it sounds like you may have feelings like you don't deserve stability, so you are pushing yourself toward destruction. Resolving this issue isn't ONLY about saying no to your ex (although that is a necessary first step at the moment...) but you need to work on why you are choosing paths of destruction. Whether it's a feeling that you don't deserve better, whether it's some kind of emotional masochism - this is the deeper issue you need to resolve. I do agree with JS84 that this sounds like something you could use some professional help with.

[Itspointless]

Could it perhaps be that you are looking for the excitement and the rush that comes with that, not the sex or the girl. See what you have written about the sex en the bj's your girlfriend gives to you. If so search for other ways that do not hurt your relationship.

 

This is also worth to investigate in therapy as excitement sometimes serves the purpose of letting you feel, especially the combination with ptsd makes me think this is the case with you.

[d0nnivain]

I was thinking I could lie to her and say that I have work the day she's coming. She already bought her ticket here and I don't want to make her waste her money. Idk it's all excuses I have to figure this out.

 

Don't lie to her.

 

If you are the only reason she's coming, call it off. For a few bucks, most airlines will give her a credit on a future flight within one year. Better she should "waste" $50 then you blow your whole relationship.

 

If you must see your EX, simply bring your GF. Problem averted.

[Leaving]

if you know that it's wrong why do it in the first place. that's just like if i go 20 over the speed limit and the cops pull me over and i tell them i knew it was wrong but i couldn't help it. it seems like you got the perfect girl so why mess it up by sleeping with your ex.seeing ex will be a big mistake you need to cancel think of a lie if you have to (tell her your GF caught on and you can't go through with it and if she doesn't understand then that's her problem). It's time to leave the past and move forward into the future.If you must sleep with your Ex then dump your GF because she is going to be the only person who's going to get hurt.

Edited July 13, 2014 by Leaving

[Ihateit]

I lied. Told her she couldn't come for a bs reason and offered to pay for her ticket. You guys gave me some added perspective and I know what I did wasn't exactly right but it's better than what could have happened. ****ed situation and I'm not going to add stress to my life like that again. Thanks for the support and hate it all helped.