I feel so lost, and need direction with two friends

[pygora1994]

My friend and I used to be very close. We started out dating, but eventually he ended things, but we stayed friends. A couple of months ago, I started a fight over something petty and stupid. I was hypocritical and an idiot. We went through a period where he stopped talking to me.

 

I owned up to my mistakes and apologized. These several week we have just started the process of reconnecting. Its been kind of bumpy, but I don't think he is mad at me anymore. Communication has been kind of limited and he seems to be unsure of things at the moment.

 

I also started talking to his best friend again. I found out that shortly after our fight they started dating, which was kind of surprising considering she's a girl and everyone thought he was gay (he's identified as gay since high school). She told me she has had a crush on him for years, but never acted on it because he was gay. However, they broke up the same week my friend and started talking. he ended things saying they he couldn't be romantically involved with her. Naturally her hearts broken, since her crush broke-up with her. Although she acknowledged that it didn't seem real.

 

He didn't seem happy that when she told him that we had met for coffee, but he said he wasn't mad at me when I asked.

 

So asked him about meeting up, but he said he was busy this week, and he didn't know how he felt. When I asked if I could do anything for him, or if he just needed time to think, he just said he needed some time to get his head on straight. I told him that it was only fair, but if he needed anything that I would be there for him. I told him that i was grateful that he was giving me a second chance to be friends, and I would check in with him this weekend. It’s not surprising since it seems like his go to response anytime things get overly emotional.

 

His ex/best friend decided that it was best for her to stop talking to him for the time being to sort out her feelings for him. She still wants to be friends, and he wanted to remain friends, but she is still struggling emotionally. I have stayed in contact with, and trying to make her feel better. She said that they got into a couple of fights and he is pretty mad with her at the moment. She thinks she messed up worse than I did. I told her to focus on being happy, keeping busy, and he would come around in time, and once the break-up emotions were over there was a good chance they would be friends again.

 

Right now, I feel like I walked into a cluster **** of emotional distress, and I am just looking for the best way forward. I just feel like this is an extraordinarily delicate situation, and I really don’t want to mess anything up again. I just want to do my best at supporting him, and being a good friend. Since I said I would check in with him on the weekend I will probably send him a message today or tomorrow, but other than that I don't know what to do.

[CC12]

Right now, I feel like I walked into a cluster **** of emotional distress

 

You did, and it looks like you've gotten yourself too involved in it. It seems like a really bad time to reunite with his best friend. Actually, let's just call her his ex. You're in contact with his ex while trying to reestablish a friendship with him. And you've been talking about him with her. He might not know for sure that you guys are talking about him, but it would be a reasonable assumption. It's no wonder he's keeping you at arm's length. You're not really exhibiting the behavior of a good friend.

 

Of course, there could be many other reasons he's being reluctant with you, but this stuck out to me. I think you should stop talking to his ex, and tell him that you're doing this because you don't want to get between them or make things weird between you and him.

[pygora1994]

You did, and it looks like you've gotten yourself too involved in it. It seems like a really bad time to reunite with his best friend. Actually, let's just call her his ex. You're in contact with his ex while trying to reestablish a friendship with him. And you've been talking about him with her. He might not know for sure that you guys are talking about him, but it would be a reasonable assumption. It's no wonder he's keeping you at arm's length. You're not really exhibiting the behavior of a good friend.

 

Of course, there could be many other reasons he's being reluctant with you, but this stuck out to me. I think you should stop talking to his ex, and tell him that you're doing this because you don't want to get between them or make things weird between you and him.

 

I sent him an apology saying I had not realized that they had gotten to together and split up while I was gone, and that I did not mean to make him feel uncomfortable.

 

I was just trying to be a good friend to both of them. I did not mean to put him in this situation, and I certainly don't want to risk my friendship with him. I just feel so bad for her, and she is leaning on me for support now. I just feel so stuck. I am not saying anything about him really, I'm just telling telling her to be patient and work through her feelings.