mystickatz Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Hi, this is my first time posting here. I have been in an LDR for the past few months and could use some advice. I'm 21 and a senior in college. I started dating a guy (who is now 29) last summer. We had a lot of fun and there was a lot of mutual attraction. Then the time came for me to go back to school in Vermont. I thought that our seeing each other would end there and we would go our separate ways. However, he expressed to me that even though I was going to be so far away, he wanted to keep our relationship going. I should mention that this was the first guy I ever really seriously dated, and the first time I ever had anything resembling a relationship. I was cautious at first, but figured I had nothing to lose. Over the past few months, we've been talking on the phone almost daily, and I've seen him each time I've gone home for breaks. However, me being so far away obviously has its drawbacks. For one, I can't shake the feeling that he might be seeing someone else while I'm at school. I don't know whether or not this is a legitimate concern. One of my friends who got cheated on while she was in an LDR thinks that it's pretty likely that he is, and honestly she is the first one who got the suspicion into my head, but I'm really not sure what to think. I have asked him about it, and he's sworn to me several times that he's not seeing anyone else. Before I left, we also agreed that we didn't want each other seeing other people. Plus, he exhibits none of the classic signs of cheating that I've heard of: he makes sure to call me every day, and when I ask where he is or what he's doing, he tells me, and from the voices in the background I can tell that he's telling the truth. Furthermore, he has 5 sisters and was raised by his mom, and call me naive, but I feel that someone who grew up with mainly women would not be inclined to disrespect them by cheating on them. However, this is why the notion of him cheating on me won't go away: he won't call me his girlfriend, even though we have now been seeing each other for the past 7 months. Again, this is my first relationship and I don't know how the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing is usually worked out. When I've confronted him about it, he asks why I have to label our relationship. He says he's "not used to" calling someone his girlfriend, even though he admitted that that is what our relationship is "pretty much" like. He keeps saying to just "go with the flow." But honestly, it bothers me that he won't call me his gf, even though he treats me like it, and I'm wondering if it's because he doesn't want the baggage of having an official gf so that he won't feel bad if he meets someone else before I come home - or if he already is seeing someone else. Or is it a committment issue? Is this something that I should be concerned about? I just feel like he's sending me so many mixed messages - he says he wants to keep seeing me, he wants to be with me, but at the same time, he won't call me his girlfriend. I just have been spending so much time and energy over here worrying if he really is seeing someone else and if he's just been really good at covering it up. I really like him alot and I'd like to keep seeing him, but I don't know if it's worth the time or anxiety anymore, worrying about the status of our relationship from 3,000 miles away. And then most of the time I just feel like I'm overanalyzing everything and driving myself crazy for no reason. I' ve been rambling; I hope some of this made some sense. Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated, if you've gotten this far down my post.... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 I personally hate the words 'girlfriend' and especially 'boyfriend'. Once you're out of grade school, you ain't 'boys and girls' anymore. Maybe it's just semantics. The most important aspect in a relationship is trust. You have to believe in someone to love that person, IMHO. But then I'm a wierdo. I come across people I'd consider as relationship potential only very rarely and I'm loyal to a fault so nobody would have to worry about me cheating. I guess if your partner isn't choosy it might be a concern. Why don't you have a discussion about the topic of cheating and see what he thinks about it? Link to post Share on other sites
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