low self worth

[Indonesia1]

So ive written about this in the breakup thread but I think its been mistaken for a hope of reconciliation with my ex. It is not.

 

About 6 months into our v. Intense relationship my ex stopped wanting to sleep with me (as often). He felt so uncomfortable talking about it. Anyway later on he said he doesnt see me as romantically. We had a huge amount of fights and it was incredibly dysfunctional so a good thing that its over.

 

the thing is its not left my head 7 months on. My self esteem seems to have just hit the floor. I always was very insecure about my looks. In school I had braces and was chubby and looked very different. Everyone said I blossomed or whatever. I lost weight and im quite slim now. But I wouldnt say I'm pretty. Far from it actually. I did constantly tell my ex this so maybe a contributer into his lack of desire.

 

anyway now hes sleeping with gorgeous girls. I mean stunning. One is a model for loreal and various other things. I feel so so insecure about my appaerance. My ex was ridiculously handsome (objectively, he used to get this compliment everywhere we went, its annoying)

 

I didnt change in appaerance over the course of our relationship. Being rejected for sex did nothing to help how I felt from there. Is a guy not wanting to sleep with a woman purely based on her looks and physicality?

 

Anyway my point is I want to feel better about how I look. Im a medical student and I have confidence in my academics because thats something I always did okay in. But I just feel rotten. I don't feel pretty at all. I'm also annoyed that im putting so much of my self worth on appearance.

 

Any advice?

Edited July 12, 2014 by Indonesia1

[Ninjainpajamas]

about 6 months into our v. Intense relationship my ex stopped wanting to sleep with me (as often). He felt so uncomfortable talking about it. Anyway later on he said he doesnt see me as romantically. We had a huge amount of fights and it was incredibly dysfunctional so a good thing that its over.

 

He felt uncomfortable telling you the truth, he was already checked out of this relationship beforehand, hence the arguments and bickering...when someone isn't invested or interested in working things out they will be easily argumentative. He finally broke down and gave you the buttered up version of to be with you anymore, it was dysfunctional for a reason, however women usually don't like giving up on these kinds of relationships so usually the man has to do it.

 

the thing is its not left my head 7 months on. My self esteem seems to have just hit the floor. I always was very insecure about my looks. In school I had braces and was chubby and looked very different. Everyone said I blossomed or whatever. I lost weight and im quite slim now. But I wouldnt say I'm pretty. Far from it actually. I did constantly tell my ex this so maybe a contributer into his lack of desire.

 

Your insecurity is what's plaguing you, and that'll have nothing to do with a man. Constantly telling yourself you're not good enough for whatever reason will weigh on yourself and therefore the relationship, when you express this over and over to your partner they start to become withdrawn and tend to rethink their investment in you...nobody likes to be told they're getting a rotten deal by being with you essentially. But it was likely just one of many things that were wrong.

 

anyway now hes sleeping with gorgeous girls. I mean stunning. One is a model for loreal and various other things. I feel so so insecure about my appaerance. My ex was ridiculously handsome (objectively, he used to get this compliment everywhere we went, its annoying)

 

I didnt change in appaerance over the course of our relationship. Being rejected for sex did nothing to help how I felt from there. Is a guy not wanting to sleep with a woman purely based on her looks and physicality?

 

There's not a whole lot of "ridiculously" good looking people around, so of course he's going to be able to sleep with models and such.

 

A guy does want to sleep with a woman based on the looks and physicality, sometimes partly and sometimes the only reason...but after that initial phase there has to be more there..and if you're a lot of drama, very insecure it can weigh down the relationship...men usually don't like to deal with that because women become vampires sucking everything out of men trying to fulfill their own voids...so men tend to just get in that vagina that eventually pull away after it's not really worth the effort anymore, plus after a man has initially slept with you depending on his actual interest your appeal can drop drastically, even if you are a Loreal model, eventually he'll start looking for something else...plenty of other women out there to conquer.

 

Anyway my point is I want to feel better about how I look. Im a medical student and I have confidence in my academics because thats something I always did okay in. But I just feel rotten. I don't feel pretty at all. I'm also annoyed that im putting so much of my self worth on appearance.

 

Any advice?

 

You've got to remove yourself from your ex first of all, you associate too much to that relationship, without really understanding what the real problems were...because you are already insecure you just tell yourself what you want to hear and perpetuate the whole insecure thing, because that's likely what you always do and think the problem is, whether it has nothing to do with it at all.

 

Your worth more than your looks, and you're also going to medical school so focus on that as it takes a lot of work as it is. Stop seeing yourself in the light of just your looks, even if you were the most beautiful woman in the world, you will age and you will mature and you'd have to start finding other ways to keep your confidence level afloat. If the only thing you think your value depends on is your looks then that's how other people are gong to judge your value too, and in the end you're fighting a losing battle as life.

 

You have a lot of some self-work to do, facing those issues and emotions that are tie you down and keep you mentally and emotionally stuck in that box..you've got to come to terms with your past and work through that, realizing that you are creating this bubble for yourself to live in.

 

Otherwise you'll just keep ending up in this situation and whenever anything goes wrong, you're going to be focused on your insecurities and believe that's the reason...that's how these issues can affect your whole life, your perception is affected by it entirely...but it's not real.