greenlove Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 I have been in a Long-distance-Relationship for 41/2 years. He lives in the States and I live in Canada. I’m very proud Canadian and love Toronto. We both new that eventually we would have to move to be together, but I always thought he would move here and do to the circumstances that’s not going to happen. I’m scared ****less of having to pick up and move, but I do love him. Would you move countries for your love? I don’t even know if I can keep my Canadian Citizenship if I become American. It’s very scary. Can anyone relate? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by greenlove I’m very proud Canadian and love Toronto. my ex-wife move to detroit from toronto, she hated it here, hated the people, no mass transit, no friends and no family. it was a major factor in our divorce Would you move countries for your love? no way in hell. unless it was a rich supermodel and this is unlikely i do believe canada is a nation that we have dual citizenship agreement with. BTW, most americans won't move to canada. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenlove Posted February 21, 2005 Author Share Posted February 21, 2005 my ex-wife move to detroit from toronto, she hated it here, hated the people, no mass transit, no friends and no family. it was a major factor in our divorce Alpha you’re right that is one of my biggest fears - not having my friends and family around. Though I do spend every summer in the states with a working Visa and have coped with my feelings. Our plan was to get our families to move close by…witch will be incredibly hard to do, but not impossible i do believe canada is a nation that we have dual citizenship agreement with. BTW, most americans won't move to canada. I don't see why you think most American's wouldn't move here. My boyfriend loves it here and would move if it wasn't for the problems he's in right now. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by greenlove Alpha you’re right that is one of my biggest fears - not having my friends and family around. I cannot say in word how big an issue the above is, esp for women. However big effect u think it will have multiply it by 100. If u are close with firends and family I would not move. I don't see why you think most American's wouldn't move here. oh, we all love canada. great place. but its not the best place to be for good high paying jobs and financially overall. that + the taxes are the bigggest hurdle. money is very impt to americans. Link to post Share on other sites
CurvyGurl Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 After 4 1/2 yrs... YES. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenlove Posted February 21, 2005 Author Share Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I cannot say in word how big an issue the above is, esp for women. However big effect u think it will have multiply it by 100. If u are close with firends and family I would not move. Multiplying that by 100 makes me want to throw up. Though I feel I could cope with it for him. 4 1/2 years is a long time and we love eachother enough to put up with a lot of bS. I can't predict the future but I feel its worth a shot. I'm still very scared. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Yes I think if you've been with him for 4.5 years and you KNOW he's been honest and faithful to you, you're sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and you with him (I mean as much as you can possibley be sure) then I say go for it. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work out and you move back to Toronto and start over job wise? Or best case...it works out and you two have a long and happy loving life together..... If the reward is worth the chance to you then you should probably take it! Link to post Share on other sites
CurvyGurl Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 You seem like you're young, with not a lot to hold you back. If you're balking because of how friends/family might feel, set that aside. What matters is how YOU and your SO feel and what YOU feel comfortable with. You're a big girl, now. You get to make your own choices based on what's best for YOU. Afraid you'll miss them? That's what telephone, postage stamps, internet, and airplanes are for. It's not like the situation is irreversible. If it doesn't work out, it's not impossible to move back to where you're from. Don't attach TOO much to it... it isn't like you're shipping off to Siberia or anything. If you want to go, go. After being together so long I don't know how you can stand not being with him no matter where he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenlove Posted February 21, 2005 Author Share Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by CurvyGurl You seem like you're young, with not a lot to hold you back. If you're balking because of how friends/family might feel, set that aside. What matters is how YOU and your SO feel and what YOU feel comfortable with. You're a big girl, now. You get to make your own choices based on what's best for YOU. Afraid you'll miss them? That's what telephone, postage stamps, internet, and airplanes are for. It's not like the situation is irreversible. If it doesn't work out, it's not impossible to move back to where you're from. Don't attach TOO much to it... it isn't like you're shipping off to Siberia or anything. If you want to go, go. After being together so long I don't know how you can stand not being with him no matter where he is. CuryGurl, Your right I am young –22 years old. That’s why I’m scared b/c I think too much. Moving countries and starting a new life is a big deal. My whole life will be flipped over and it’s hard to be decisive, even if I do love this person. I just keep thinking what if it doesn’t work out. What if, what if. I know with all my heart that this man is beautiful and he loves me and I love him. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him but... I’m just scared. Please don't hold that against me. Link to post Share on other sites
debs Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Sure I would and Yes I did and i am still here! It was scarey and other than a few work friends I have no immediate famliy close by! You learn to adapt! Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 I’m just scared. Please don't hold that against me. Oh stop No one is "holding it against you" silly! hahaha! No but seriously being scared is natural. If you have the financial resources to relocate to be with him, take it slow but if it feels right then you should go with your gut instict! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 BTW, most americans won't move to canada. Actually, I've met a bunch of Americans who'd like nothing better. They'd trade the extra money for not going broke paying for medical care plus a heckuva lot more personal safety plus a heckuva lot less prejudice. But to greenlove's question, yes I would, conditionally. I've been to a bunch of places in the US I loved and a few I really disliked intensely. I'd consider going overseas, even. I just wouldn't want to never see my favourite Canadian places again but that can always be accomplished through visits. I doubt you could drag me to any ultra-religious ultra-conservative area; I already lived in Calgary and that was enough of that for me. I would absolutely not renounce my citizenshp, but we can have dual if we want. It would depend on how taxes would affect me. I actually have moved twice for people. I would do it again, but I wouldn't move all my possessions until I knew our relationship was solid and we got along wonderfully together. I was overly optimistic before but I've learned my lesson. I think that if you find a sufficiently wonderful person, it's worth giving it a shot. And who wants to live in the same place their whole life anyway? Even if it doesn't work out, a few years in a new place will do you a world of good. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by CurvyGurl If you're balking because of how friends/family might feel, set that aside. What matters is how YOU and your SO feel and what YOU feel comfortable with. You're a big girl, now. You get to make your own choices based on what's best for YOU. well, once again CURVYGURL I must disagree. She is only 22, basically a kid with little life experience to base impt decisions upon. My ex wife was 25 when she move from toronto to detroit and she could not handle it at that age. THe loss of direct contact with family and friends, who will most likely be around much longer than a SO, is a BIG loss. And also remember that the US and Canada are distinct nations with much different philosophies and cultures even tho on the surface they look alike. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 My ex wife was 25 when she move from toronto to detroit and she could not handle it at that age. THe loss of direct contact with family and friends, who will most likely be around much longer than a SO, is a BIG loss. And also remember that the US and Canada are distinct nations with much different philosophies and cultures even tho on the surface they look alike. I really think it depends where you move. Your experience, again, is one experience. I've not heard tremendously great things about Detroit. I suppose it also depends how independent a person is. If you *must* cling to your family and see them all the time and if you have a really hard time making new friends, then maybe it's best to stay close to home. However, if you enjoy new places and new things and are outgoing enough to find new friends everywhere you go, it's no problem. And actually 22 is an ideal age to move because you have no ties then, really. Certainly in an age of internet, webcams, and all the other forms of communication we have, it's not as though being far away means being out of touch. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 I have been in a Long-distance-Relationship for 41/2 years. He lives in the States and I live in Canada. I’m very proud Canadian and love Toronto. We both new that eventually we would have to move to be together, but I always thought he would move here and do to the circumstances that’s not going to happen. I’m scared ****less of having to pick up and move, but I do love him. Would you move countries for your love? I don’t even know if I can keep my Canadian Citizenship if I become American. It’s very scary. Can anyone relate? It may not be a perminate move right? 2-4 years there? You never know maybe when he works through his problems he'll move to Canada. Where is he in the States? You can have dual citizenship. My bestfriend moved to LA 12 years ago and then she met somebody there and married them up here in Toronto. They moved to Seattle so she could be closer to Canada - She has some Aunts/Uncles in BC. He won't move to Canada. He loves it to visit but he's "American" and basically eats, s***s, sleeps USA so there is NO chance of him ever wanting to move. That's unfortunate for her, but it is a choice SHE had to make when they decided to get married. BUT, compromise is a big thing. You could move to the East Coast of US to be closer to Toronto. IF I was in that situation I would follow my heart and atleast see if it could work. If you don't do it you will always wonder....Don't NOT MOVE because of fears. Don't let it run you and ruin a wonderful future marriage with kids and happiness! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup He won't move to Canada. He loves it to visit but he's "American" and basically eats, s***s, sleeps USA so there is NO chance of him ever wanting to move. I live in Detroit and am 30 minutes away from Canada via Windsor. WOrk with canadians and had a canuck ex-wife. I dont' see too many americans breaking the door down to go to Canada. Mostly it is Canadians breaking the door down to come here and work cause of our mostly plentiful good jobs and good pay. A canadian buddy once said to me "an excellent job in canada is considered an average job in the U.S." But I do love the Red Green Show. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 But I do love the Red Green Show. Don't all men?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Bunny Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Ok, here is my opinion Real Love is not easy to find and when i say Love i'm not talking about any guy that wants to go out with you a couple of times to see what happends. I'm gonna tell you a bit about my story... i'm 24 years old and i live in Florida, one day i went online and i met a German guy in a chat room, he was nice to me and i was nice to him, after 3 weeks exchanging pictures and talking on the phone, we felt in love (i know, after weeks i felt in love!) or at least it felt that way... I'm originally from South America and for xmas i went to see my family and he decided to go there to finally meet me (after 8 months sice the day we met). Once there we both realized we were really in love and now he's ready to move here to the US with me. Like i said before...Real Love is hard to find..so when you do find it...don't let it go !! 'cause you might not have a second chance with this person ever again... And if it doesn't work you can always move back and go on with your life (without thinking what would had happended if you moved with him) GoodLuck Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Originally posted by Lonely Bunny And if it doesn't work you can always move back and go on with your life Unfortunately, LONELYBUNNY, it does not quite work like you said above. You can go back, but it will never be the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 I met a guy who was on holiday in my city. About a month later he moved back, around 1300k's away over two state boarders. Around a month later I left everything and moved after him. It lasted 6 mths and was one of the few things in my life I look back on and shake my head. Everything happens for a reason, are you strong enough to deal with the result? Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Greenlove: 1. Your right I am young –22 years old. I have been in a Long-distance-Relationship for 41/2 years 2. My boyfriend loves it here and would move if it wasn't for the problems he's in right now. 3. We both new that eventually we would have to move to be together, but I always thought he would move here. Forgive my pessimism, but looking at the above statements, from my POV, I think you are getting in over your head. 1. You have known this guy since you were 17 ½ years old. So, I’m led to believe that you haven’t had much experience with guys to begin with, much less those that can be found online. 2. I am also thinking that these “problems he’s in right now” keeps him from going to Canada because . . . hmmm . . . could it be that Canada doesn’t WANT him? Could it be that he is in some sort of legal trouble? 3. Yes, someone has to move. Or both of you have to move (for example, each of you could move ½ the distance). There will be compromises. This is a very big compromise for anyone. Ask yourself if you are making the compromise because of some of his actions. Ask yourself if you will be making ALL the compromises in this relationship, because his actions will continue to facilitate compromises. Lil Honey (Speaking as a mom of a 22 year old daughter.) Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 i'd move. i don't see the big deal about moving if the alternative is you can't be with the person you can't not be with. life is short. either you love him enough to give it a go or you don't. and it probably will fail - most relationships do - but that doesn't mean we don't keep wanting to do them. the worst that can happen is not that the relationship ultimately fails. it's that you get hit by a bus and never get to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 I'm with you, bluet! You only go 'round once and your friends and family move on. If you stay static, everyone around you will move and change anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 two more reasons not to move GREENLOVE 1) he will have almost full control over you cause you will have little or no support group and you'll be thousands of miles from your family. 2) face-time wise, a LDR for 4.5 yrs is probably equal to a 6 month regular relationship that is non-LDR. You probably know a lot less about this dude than you think. respectfully submitted, alpha Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 I think you should just go with your gut instinct. All of us here at LS could go back and forth for days throwing out numbers, time, distance, examples, blah, blah, blah. But none of that will mean that you definitely should or definitely shouldn't. Granted, a 4.5 year LDR isn't exactly the same as a 4.5 year LTR with someone in your home town. But at the same time, if the guy has been faithful to you for that long given the distance (and you have been to him) then that shows a hell of a commitment. Besides, how many hundreds of posts on here have we read about couples married for years or even decades where one (or both) of them got screwed over in the end anyway? Long-distance does not dictate ultimate failure, nor does close proximity guarantee success. At this point it looks like it depends on how much you're willing to risk. It's all about if the juice is worth the squeeze. Link to post Share on other sites
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