Girlfriend wont introduce me to her parents

[Nanners]

I want to apologize ahead of time about the long post. I really need advice cause this whole situation is causing me to go into a depression. If you read the whole thing you will see how bad my situation is right now.

 

My girlfriend and I have been dating six months as of last week. I'm 22 and she just turned 19. At a basketball game at the college I go to mutual best friends introduced us and everything has been perfect since. It was hard at first because I was going to college an hour and a half away from our hometown. She stays with her parents in our hometown while she goes to a community college. For the spring semester we would only see each other once a week but we would Skype and call each other often.

 

Within the first two months I introduced her to my parents and later on my entire family. My parents and family love her. She gets invites to family outings and my mom even told her to stop knocking on the door and just come into my parents house because shes part of the family. She loved that statement.

 

After a few months I got worried. She was building this positive relationship with my family but she never talked about hers nor did I know where her house was. I asked her about it and she claimed she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents. I asked if they knew she was dating me and she said no. In fact every date we had gone on she would tell her family she was hanging out with her best friend. I asked if she had plans to introduce me or at the least mention that she is dating me. She promised that she would do it "next week".

 

That was the end of March when she said that. It never happened. We began to fight about it a little bit but not much. By the end of April her moms co worker saw us at a movie theater together and told her mom. Apparently her mom sat her down and told her that she would like to meet me and to ask me when I was free to have dinner with her and her husband, my girlfriends dad. I got excited. I was finally going to meet her parents. I told my girlfriend my schedule and told her to pass it along.

 

I waited....and waited...and waited until a month had went by. I asked her what happened. She claimed she forgot to tell her parents my schedule. I asked if she would pass it along now and she said no. This where things got sour. We are fighting about once a week about not introducing me. She claimed she has never introduced anyone to her family and she was scared about it.

 

Finally in June she said that shes going to talk to her parents about me that day. Again I got excited. A couple days went by and I heard nothing about the parent situation. Every time I would ask she would avoid the subject. Finally she admitted to me that she lost the courage and didn't want to do it. That fight lasted about three days.

 

When we made up she claimed she would tell her family about me so I could go to her birthday party at her house July 1st. Yet again I got excited. The day of the birthday party I got dressed up and even had the perfect present to impress her parents. I waited....and waited when finally she came to the door. She claimed that most of her family was sick and that the party was cancelled. Bummer but I made the best of it. She liked her present but when I offered her to take her out for a birthday dinner she said no she was busy.

 

Within 15 minutes of walking in my door she left. I got suspicious but I trust her and wasn't going to investigate. I got into normal cloths and hung out with my best friend who is dating my girlfriends best friend. He asked why I wasn't at my girlfriends party. Puzzled I told him what she told me and he shook his head and said no his girlfriend is there now. He pulled his phone out and asked his girlfriend to take a pic of the party. She did. The party was still on with her whole family. So my girlfriend lied to me.

 

My whole world crashed at that moment. After the party was over I told her I knew the party was still on and that she lied to me. It was one of the fights where I didn't care. I didn't fight back. I just kind of let her yell and cry but I would just sit there and nod my head.That fight lasted until July 5th. She claimed she didn't want to over whelm me with meeting her whole family I decided to forgive her and we had make up sex.

 

A couple days later she tried telling me she would tell her parents about me. I may of made things worse because I was blunt by saying "I don't believe you". That set her off horribly. I tried telling her why I don't believe her. She wouldn't listen. This fight was bad. She was meaner than usual and was cussing, which is not normal at all in our fights.

 

I came really close to ending it then. But I wanted to cool off and decide if it was something I wanted to follow through with. I decided to stay with her, however, I told her that she had until August before she moves out to introduce me. She blew up again claiming it was unfair that I was giving her a time limit. I came back with that it was unfair that we have been dating for 6 months and I don't even know what her parents look like or where she even lives.

 

That fight ended yesterday morning. We made up but I told her the time limit still stands. Through out the whole day she had been distant with me. She even told me that she was too busy to see me until July 26th which is 14 days away. I told her that made me sad that we were going that long without seeing each other. Here's a good kicker for everyone still reading, she replies with this "Yeah and i'm sad that i'm pregnant."

 

My jaw hit the floor. We use condoms every time and shes on birth control. I went into immediate recovery mode. I comforted her and tried everything to make her smile. After talking for awhile I got the suspicion shes lying to me. First it went from I'm pregnant to maybe I'm pregnant. Second she started to guilt trip me by saying that her and our baby will do without cause I'm going to leave in August. And thirdly I asked what made her think she was pregnant and she claimed she was late for her period, however, shes only late 3 days and she has told me before in the past that it was common for her to be late.

 

With that I'm still sympathetic cause if she really is pregnant I would look like a jerk for fighting with her and leaving. Now everything is different for the worse. When we talk shes sarcastic and short with me. And the second I shutdown she gets mad.

 

Like today I told her I was feeling sad. Normally she would ask why and try to make it better for me but instead now she just replies with "Okay". But the second I reply back with "Okay" she starts accusing me of not caring or loving her anymore.

 

Thank you for reading this. I just don't know what to make of everything. I'm still numb about everything and I need advice bad. What does everyone think?

[Mike B.]

This is long but so good. You wrote it well and although it is long, I think it was necessarily long.

 

First, never, ever tell a woman you do not trust her or believe her. Never do this!

 

Two, a person will introduce you to their parents when they are ready. You can't force this. Yes, it is very suspicious that she doesn't introduce you to her parents but she can have a really good reason why she hasn't. For instance, what if they are both raging alcoholics that terribly humiliate her? On the other hand, it is not a good sign either way because women typically want you to meet the parents before you are usually ready.

 

The whole "I am pregnant thing" is typical young, teen drama queen stuff that is used to screw with a man's brain to try to make it not easy to leave her. I had my dose of that in my early years. It is highly unlikely for someone who uses both condoms and birth control to get pregnant. It is not impossible but highly unlikely.

 

You have no other choice but to stick to your deadline now. You do not want to set up precedent in your relationship that you go back on your word, especially for something huge like this since there was so much built up drama over it. If you back away from the deadline, you will lose a huge chunk of respect. You have already lost a huge chunk this far so there won't be much left after you go back on the deadline.

 

You both are at fault here. She has lied and been disrespectful to you with her actions and you applied too much pressure on a young lady early in the relationship. It is not your place to demand to meet her parents. You are in a relationship with her and not her dad but not knowing where she lives is very strange.

[darkmoon]

meet her parents

 

tell her you do not mind what they have done or what they will say

 

a friend of mine had an alcoholic father, she was too embarrassed to bring anybody home, my mother liked to mess up my life, your girl needs to know that whatever the meeting brings all it means is two hours of polite small talk to you

 

if you and her can face this as a team, then just meet the battle-axes, the in-laws, the embarrassments, then the two hours should go okay

 

she needs to stop trying to please her family so much, imho, her birthday festivities could have felt like one big act to her, her way of handling her family diplomatically, i have been like this, you do not even know you are doing it, you get used to pretending

Edited July 12, 2014 by darkmoon

[HappyLove]

Why are you dating a liar? That's all this is! At this point WHO CARES that she won't let you meet her parents!!! She's clearly a NUT JOB! She's lied to you FOR MONTHS about meeting them. She came over and lied to you to your face that her party is cancelled then took your gift and went and danced her butt off. She's now lying to you that she's pregnant but that'll be ok if you get to meet her parents? Why guys fall for these PSYCHO women who play them like fools I will never understand!

[smackie9]

I agree she is too young and the young ones are big on the drama. IMO you should never be in a relationship with someone who can't conduct themselves in a mature manner with open and honest communication. Without honest communication, you will never have trust, without trust there will be no respect. This relationship is already a fail, and even if you stick this out, it's doomed anyways. She isn't ready to have a serious relationship because she still needs to grow the f up.

[FitChick]

Since you have friends in common, ask them what the real story is regarding her parents. Have they met them? What have they heard about the parents? Has this girl ever introduced any boy to her parents? Girlfriends usually confide in each other so someone will know.

[WorryGirl]

Woah, only 6 months in and you're already fighting like cats and dogs?! That is ridiculous! It took my boyfriend a year to take me home to his to meet his family. I had wanted to for ages, but he wasn't ready. Some people just aren't. When I did go home to his, I had an amazing time, they were wonderful.

 

Pushing and forcing and giving ultimatums will not help. You need to back off and let it happen naturally. If you force this, she won't be happy when you do meet them. She'll feel the pressure and it won't be as comfortable an experience as it should/could be.

 

As for her lies, this relationship sounds so tainted. It's easy to see her as a liar and for people say you should never ever date a liar, but ask yourself why is she lying to you? Is it because she doesn't feel like she can tell you the truth? The lying sounds like a problem that belongs to both of you, not just her. When you force people to do what you want and they can no longer keep you happy, they tell lies to shut you up.

 

I think you should sit down with her and tell her you're sorry. Tell her you do want to meet her family, but you understand that it's a big deal for her, and you can discuss that together. Tell her you don't want to argue about it anymore because it's causing you problems, and you want her to feel comfortable with her enough that she can be 100% truthful about things. No more arguments! Meet her family when she's ready. Not when you are.

[WorryGirl]

Since you have friends in common, ask them what the real story is regarding her parents. Have they met them? What have they heard about the parents? Has this girl ever introduced any boy to her parents? Girlfriends usually confide in each other so someone will know.

 

Don't do this.

 

Why should he go behind her back to ask other people about her situation with her parents? They need to rebuild their trust, not trash it!

 

Snooping is NEVER a good idea, he doesn't have a right to know any of that information.

[JungleLover]

If any respectable relationship can be salvaged from this, I would be surprised. There is a certain threshold you cross in a relationship that is difficult to completely recover from. You two have crossed it and it is hard to mend it when you are young, especially 18.

 

Not every person someone dates is even worthy of meeting your parents. I definitely just don't bring anyone I'm dating home to my parents. I have to feel that the person I am dating will be around for years. I have been like this since I started dating in I my teens and never once has a girl or woman tried to force a meeting with my parents.

 

It was really bold of her to lie about the party knowing that you two have mutual friends in common so you may be overestimating the depth of feelings she has for you.

[d0nnivain]

I was going to tell you to downshift about meeting the parents. In college not a single guy I was dating ever met my parents. Granted it was a 4 hour trip but still that's not the problem since she lives with hers.

 

She might not like them as opposed to you.

 

Anyway, the bigger problem is the lying. Why she would lie to you about the party is disturbing. The fact that when you confronted her, she yelled & you sat there is also problematic. You were the wronged party. Why was she yelling?

 

Does your mutual friend have any insight into why your GF keeps you apart from the parents? Is your BF even "allowed" to date.

 

Since you already know she's a liar, I wouldn't believe her about the pregnancy until you watch her pee on a stick or get confirmation from a doctor you choose & pay for. Also I would demand a paternity test. I doubt she is pregnant but if she is & it's yours you need to determine your legal rights & responsibilities.

[Nanners]

Thank you everyone for giving me your advice.

 

We have had a conversation in the past about why she doesn't want to do it. She has told me that her parents are not alcoholics nor are they abusive. Her dad is a farmer and her mom works at a hardware store in town. According to her they are just average parents that work hard for what they want.

 

Her best friend has actually tried telling me stories about her parents awhile back. Apparently her dad works non stop during the planting and harvesting season. And her mom only works short hours cause its something to pass the time for her. Again they are not alcoholics nor are the abusive. They apparently live on a big farm in a nice house. With it being summer her dad isn't busy and her mom is working short hours so they are always home during this season.

 

For everyone that's confused why I am still dating a liar I feel everyone deserves a second chance. Especially from the ones I love. As for the pregnant situation we both agreed that in a couple weeks we are both going to the store together to get a test to see if she is pregnant.

 

Heres what has happen so far.

 

Yesterday morning she called and asked if it was okay to come to my house and talk. I said yes and she came over. I sat her down and apologized to her and told her it was rude and disrespectful for what I was doing with pressuring her. She apologized as well and added to why she was scared. According to her shes just scared cause shes never introduced anyone to her parents and that I am only her second boyfriend ever. Shes scared that they will not approve of me. I comforted her by telling her that I would still love her even if the didn't approve of me. We kissed and had make up sex.

 

While cuddling afterwards she looked at me asked if I wanted to go her second family's house for a bonfire. Her second family is her best friends parents. I said yes but only if her best friend was okay with it. After a quick call to her best friend off we went to the bonfire.

 

We got there and she tried introducing me to her second family. Funny thing is she didn't know that I knew everyone already cause my mom is friend with my girlfriends best friends parents. We had a good laugh about it and I thought it was sweet that she was trying with introducing me to her second family even though I knew everyone and they knew me.

 

For the first time in almost two weeks I felt happy. Everything was perfect. We were smiling, laughing and having loads of fun. Her second family kept trying to plan our wedding and we had a good laugh at that and told them maybe in a couple years. After the bonfire was over she spent the night at her second family's house and I caught a ride with a family friend back to town.

 

Here's where things are weird. This morning we were extremely happy. For the first time in a long time I was smiling at her text message. I asked her out to go see a movie next week she said no she didn't want to do that. I pitched going to a nice restaurant again she said no. I pitched a few other date ideas but she kept shooting me down. I finally asked her what she wanted to do and she blew up on me saying I didn't care about her anymore.

 

No matter what I tried to get her happy she kept shooting me down with one worded responses. I even tried calling her but she hung up on me. I don't know what happen. We went from being the happiest couple around to her being mad and me feeling like a jerk for making her mad. I know I shouldn't feel like a jerk for this. She just has such a short fuse now

Edited July 13, 2014 by Nanners

[smackie9]

Bi-polar?...................

[JungleLover]

Okay, Nanners, how much more crap do you need from this girl. How much? She is full of red flags. Second family? Why wouldn't her parents approve of you? Are you some worthless thug?

 

I hate the whole "next" concept which is so overused and it teaches couples to not learn how to stick together but there is noting worth fighting for in this relationship. She has cursed at you, lied, didn't invite you to her birthday party even though you are her boyfriend, just blew up at you for nothing...

 

When I was 18 and had trouble quitting my GF who was also 18 and not a very good GF, my best friend asked me this:

 

"Jungle, have you ever dated a pretty woman who you gave you sex?" I replied "yes" knowing that he was referring to my toxic GF. He then said "let me see you do it again."

[JungleLover]

Bi-polar?...................

 

 

Good thought. There is more to bipolar than being moody though. I am not saying she isn't but she definitely has issues and she is a liar, we know that.

[Nanners]

Okay, Nanners, how much more crap do you need from this girl. How much? She is full of red flags. Second family? Why wouldn't her parents approve of you? Are you some worthless thug?

 

I hate the whole "next" concept which is so overused and it teaches couples to not learn how to stick together but there is noting worth fighting for in this relationship. She has cursed at you, lied, didn't invite you to her birthday party even though you are her boyfriend, just blew up at you for nothing...

 

When I was 18 and had trouble quitting my GF who was also 18 and not a very good GF, my best friend asked me this:

 

"Jungle, have you ever dated a pretty woman who you gave you sex?" I replied "yes" knowing that he was referring to my toxic GF. He then said "let me see you do it again."

 

I'm not a thug. I'm a broke college student that works two jobs. Every July and December I volunteer at a local college basketball arena so kids with special needs can create teams and play basketball games. A thug is definitely not who I am.

 

Heres an update everyone.

 

Last night she cancelled on my date plans. Her reason? She would rather go to the fair with her best friend. It erupted into a fight. Long story short she tried shifting the tables around on me and tried to make me feel bad. When I stood my ground and told her that I wasn't the one at fault she shutdown.

 

This afternoon she sent me a text. Here's our conversation

 

Her: "I was going to cancel on (Best Friend) so we can go on a date but you dont care. You know what I don't even want to see you on Friday anymore. Bye"

 

Me: "I do understand. You want to have fun with your friend. I'm okay with that. All i'm asking is you bend your schedule a little bit so we can go out this weekend."

 

Her:"No I dont want to. I did but not anymore. Bye"

 

Me: "All I want is to take you out this weekend. It doesn't have to be long. We can get ice cream and walk around the park. That would take less than an hour."

 

Her: "Well I don't want to see you. Bye"

 

Her: (5 minutes later) " I think we need a break."

 

Me: "Okay. I'm going to respect your space right now. When you feel that our break is over talk to me. Bye."

 

5 hours later.

 

Her: "You've hurt me really bad today. You said some mean and very hurtful things to me. I'm going to need time to recover from that. I still love you but I'm going to be hurting over this for a while"

 

Me: "All I did was speak the truth. You even admitted last night that I was right. You are not turning this on me. I tried compromising but you would rather be immature and not listen to me. I want a break. Bye."

 

Her "...."

 

I ignored her after that. For those of you that are questioning why I am still with her its because out of all the girlfriends I have ever had she was the best. I fell head over heels for her. I was truly happy with her and I was even planning on marrying her some day. I've never felt like that towards any girlfriend before.

 

But what she turned into was the complete opposite of what I fell for.

 

I don't understand why but I am heart broken right now. I have been through hell the past couple months with her but I still feel heartbroken and I don't know why

[d0nnivain]

You don't need a break from this woman. You need to break up with her. She's a selfish liar.

[Standard-Fare]

This problem is much bigger than her not letting you meet her parents.

 

Her behavior is extremely unpredictable and melodramatic. And it can't be dismissed as normal moodiness. It seems like some more serious mental health issues are happening there.

 

That text convo you just posted was insane. Rejecting you over and over without explanation, then accusing YOU of hurting her? And the stupid little "Bye"s at the end of the sentence -- like a toddler storming out of the room.

 

Dude, unfortunately you've gotten involved with an unstable prima donna who gets off on playing mind games with you. I know you still love her, but hopefully you'll recognize soon that this situation isn't healthy.

 

At the very least, don't make any attempts to contact her and only give her the time of a day if she's ready to explain herself and apologize in a reasonable way.

[umirano]

Don't do this.

Absolutely do this. Information gain is pretty much always worth it.

 

Why should he go behind her back to ask other people about her situation with her parents?

That's not going behind her back. What her parents are about (or the GF actually with them) isn't private information. I'd absolutely want to know what's going on between my GF and her parents if we're serious.

 

They need to rebuild their trust, not trash it!

Yeah they do, but I don't really think this is fixable anyway.

 

Snooping is NEVER a good idea, he doesn't have a right to know any of that information.

Of course he does, and it's not snooping. It's just asking a friend what he thinks is going on in that family. I don't see how this is damaging, let alone immoral.

[umirano]

I ignored her after that. For those of you that are questioning why I am still with her its because out of all the girlfriends I have ever had she was the best. I fell head over heels for her. I was truly happy with her and I was even planning on marrying her some day. I've never felt like that towards any girlfriend before.

 

All right she's "the best". Relax. I said the same thing at one point. What I really meant is that she had qualities I loved, that really didn't exist in previous GFs. What I didn't say at the same time, but should have is this: She's also very immature, has no calm in her, very insecure and thus attacking every- and anybody when she feels cornered.

 

You're calling her out on all her BS, that drives her mad and she hits back uncontrollably and you end up fighting. I can tell you my story till my face is blue but you will most likely ignore my experience (and that's cool, I am guilty of the very same thing, we have to feel the pain before we learn). But you will end up breaking up with her and it may very well become more nasty before it becomes more civil. I have been in a very similar situation.

 

She has not matured yet. She doesn't know how to treat you and her parents and her friends with the respect, predictability, honesty and the civility that is normal among grown up people. You will not be able to "fix" her. It's a process and it starts in the RS you're currently in. But the RS will not survive her maturing process and you will hurt. She is special and she has character traits you miss in all the other girls you've been with.

 

The good news is all is not lost. First, there are very many other girls. With similarly endearing qualities. And secondly, after she has matured it is possible the two of you have a different, better relationship of some sort.

[bubbaganoosh]

For those of you that are questioning why I am still with her its because out of all the girlfriends I have ever had she was the best. I fell head over heels for her. I was truly happy with her and I was even planning on marrying her some day. I've never felt like that towards any girlfriend before.

 

Got news for you friend and I'm going to be blunt but if she's the best, the I would have hated to see the worse one.

 

Friend, she's got a ton of problems and one of them is not taking any kind of responsibility for her own shortcomings.

 

Rather than for her to address her faults and quirks and work on them, she would rather turn the tables on you and make everything your fault.

 

I think you better start thinking with the head that's on your shoulders rather then the one in you pants. If not your going to be in for a ton of "You ain't seen nothing yet", and then it will be too late.

 

Move on, be done and wish her luck in life but not with you being her personal whipping boy.

[HappyLove]

Sounds like you're dating a seven year old. What's so great about her again?

[Chris516]

IF, She is pregnant as she claims:

 

1. Did she ever mention having morning sickness?

2. Did she ever mention what trimester she is in?

3. Did she tell her parent's and, now they don't want her to see you?

4. Did you ever see what BC she was using?

5. Did you ever see a bottle of pre-natal vitamins?

6. Did you ever see a calendar with the dates of her pre-natal checkups?

7. Did you notice whether she was 'showing'?

8. Did you notice if it looks like she is gaining weight?

9. Did you notice her mood swings?

10. Did you ever notice her crying a lot?

11. Did you notice her being overly emotional?

[HappyLove]

IF, She is pregnant as she claims:

 

1. Did she ever mention having morning sickness?

2. Did she ever mention what trimester she is in?

3. Did she tell her parent's and, now they don't want her to see you?

4. Did you ever see what BC she was using?

5. Did you ever see a bottle of pre-natal vitamins?

6. Did you ever see a calendar with the dates of her pre-natal checkups?

7. Did you notice whether she was 'showing'?

8. Did you notice if it looks like she is gaining weight?

9. Did you notice her mood swings?

10. Did you ever notice her crying a lot?

11. Did you notice her being overly emotional?

 

He better get out now before this one does get pregnant! Can you imagine a lifetime of this BS? It's only going to get worse too!

[Chris516]

He better get out now before this one does get pregnant! Can you imagine a lifetime of this BS? It's only going to get worse too!

YES!!!

[StumpyNB]

She needs counseling. A lot of it.

 

And you need to run. Fast.

 

This is the kind of crazy lady that stops taking birth control, and pokes holes in condoms to 'TRAP' her man.