Am I an alcoholic? Is he?

[cat]

Hi all,

 

This post is going to be really hard for me to write. Perhaps it should be two posts, but I'll just go ahead.

 

I've been wondering in the last few months if I have a problem with alcohol. I had always been a moderate drinker until a year or so ago when I started a new sport and drinking more was part of the culture of that sport. Now, I drink most days (not today) and if I can limit myself to a couple drinks it feels like a miracle. Last night I probably drank 8 or 9 (light) beers over the course of 5 hours with friends. But over the past 6 months I have gotten very drunk several times. I definitely have fuzzy memory/blackout moments. I've never been a day-drinker but I have had times where I've started at 4:00 or 5:00 in the afternoon--though I don't typically drink late into the night, it's been getting progressively more frequent that I do. I don't like how I feel when I drink, I get terrible hangovers, and even though I'm a fairly happy drunk and usually have a good time, I generally don't like how I act and how much I talk.

 

I haven't had any really bad consequences yet though I have pushed the envelope with driving and I really don't want a DUI or to hurt someone else or myself. The thing that scares me the most is that I can't seem to take more than a day or a couple days off, and that's usually after a long night (last night). I did not drink today, but when tomorrow evening comes I feel almost compelled to at least have a couple beers or some wine with dinner. That doesn't seem right.

 

The other piece is my boyfriend. We're long-distance, which has its own challenges, but in the 6 months we've been dating, as far as I know he has drunk every single day. I would say he drinks between a 6-pack and a 12-pack of high-octane craft beer every day. On his days off he stays in bed until 2:00 pm. I just visited him for two weeks and one night he got so drunk that I had to carry him to bed and undress him and everything. I happened to not be drinking for a few days because I had been sick and was on antibiotics. It scared me, and really got me thinking a lot about him.

 

He seems to fit all criteria of a Functional Alcoholic. He has a good job, owns his home, is a well-liked, decent guy. He is really gentle and kind as a person, so he doesn't have dramatic personality changes, but he does talk more when he's drunk (he is so quiet, he doesn't talk at all when he's sober) and it does bother me that I get more communication and personality when he's under the influence. He also doesn't eat much. Usually when he comes home from work he opens a beer and has beer instead of dinner. Not always, but often.

 

I keep thinking about that quantity of alcohol and what it's doing to the inside of his body. I'm scared for him and I'm also scared for myself. I don't want to drink more than I do. I think I drink too much, I'm not sure-- that's why I'm posting, to get some insight. I want to get a handle on this before there are any bad consequences, but I think that because of my own habits, I have no sense of what normal drinking habits/quantities/frequencies are.

 

If it helps, I am 35, normal weight, been drinking since I was 14 with some periods of light or non-drinking. He is 41, also normal weight, looks much older than I do (I'm told) also been drinking since about 14 or 15.

 

Thank you so much.

[d0nnivain]

There are "tests" you can take from AA etc. I think they are designed to label everyone an alcoholic.

 

To me if you think you might have a problem with alcohol, you do. Change something. Cut down. If you can't, get in a program.

 

I got a DWI almost 14 years ago. It woke me up. I cut way down & haven't driven a car after so much as 1 drink since then. There are times when I still party & get drunk but it's not every weekend anymore.

[BikerAccnt]

If you are concerned you have a problem, then you have a problem for "you".

 

The fact that you are voicing your concerns, leads me to think you need to make a change. What that change is, only you can decide.

 

For me, I quit, when it became clear - to me - that I was drinking way more than was good - for me. It doesn't matter what we think, or anyone else thinks, because ultimately, change will only come based upon what you think.

[BC1980]

One book I read said that if you can't take it or leave it, you have a problem. That goes for any addictive substance. If you can't stop when you logically know you should, that's a problem. Another sign of addiction is the cycle of abusing the substance, shaming yourself for using, making all kinds of promises to start new tomorrow, and then being unable to change the next day.

[ASG]

With some of my jobs, drinking is part of the culture. We work evenings and the things to do after you finish work at around 10.30pm is go to the pub.

I never considered myself an alcoholic, even though I drank every day. (And it is a running joke in the business that you need to be a functioning alcoholic to survive the job!)

 

What I did, though, was make it a rule that I wouldn't drink in the house, alone. That way, on a day off, if I had no plans other than staying home, I would not drink, thus giving my body some time to recover.

 

Maybe that is something to try and do? Or do you feel that would be too difficult? If so, then maybe you do have a problem.

[Cali408]

Better yet, don't drink during the work week. You aren't an alcoholic, but your consumption indicates an increasing problem. Good for you for acknowledging it.

 

Try not drinking for 30 days, the first week will be tough because of the habit but once you wake up clearer, your skin looks better, you've lost some flab, you might push it farther.

 

Yes, your boyfriend has a problem. Stop making excuses about your career. You don't have to go to the pub, go home, if you go, drink water. A 6-12 pack is way too much a day.

 

 

Good luck

[carhill]

IMO, you're spot on that your BF is a functional alcoholic. FWIW, I've got some friends who are the same and are multi-millionaires. They made their fortunes in life in spite of their addiction. I can tell because I can bring water and they just can't dial the beer back. I have one; they have three. They're all of an age now where I'm not going to nag them, rather just make sure either I or their wives are around to drive.

 

As for yourself, you're already received some great suggestions. I went through a tough period while caregiving when my M was bad where I started drinking to drink rather than to be social and, since then, I consistently test by not provisioning alcohol and declining to drink at parties like one poster mentioned, for a month. Then I push the test further by provisioning (there's no corner liquor store where I am, it's 20 miles away) and then looking at it every day but not having any. Right now, I've been off vodka for about 3 months and haven't had a beer since July 4, when my group of friends, including, yep, those functional alco's, were all at the beach.

 

Try some different stuff and see what speaks to you and, please, pass those keys if you even suspect you've had too much. When in doubt myself, I spend the night where I'm at, usually at a friend's house, and drive home cold sober the next day. Good luck!