She cheated? am I doing this right

[hope402]

So my wife went to San Antonio for 2 weeks due to some training. While she was there she met some guy and they hit it off good I guess. We were having issues before she left. Some of which I wasn't aware of. She said that she wasn't happy like before she said this after she came back. While she met this guy they were close I assume. She came back home and I noticed she wasn't the same girl that left 2 weeks ago. She would txt a lot to where it was about 4,800 messages in 1 month. He would text her during work hours and she would delete the messages every time she came home. I saw he text her at about 945pm while we had friends over and she deleted it and I confronted her. I told her to stop the relationship with this guy because it's affecting us. She broke the phone in the morning while she agreed to call him and end it. She found other ways to contact him via email. The first email she sent was from our iPad in our bedroom. "Here I am in bed wishing you were holding me like you did those last couple of days". I found out her password and printed all the emails. They were saying how much they were in love and how happy they were with each other. She then made a second fake email address after she said she was done with him. Same thing again with him. Then I found that out too and they moved to Skype while I was working nights. They would talk and msg for hours. He even sent her a picture of an engagement ring. He wants to be her last husband and will make her happy. I have been trying to fix this and she knows that she did something wrong but she says that she didn't cheat sexually with him only "virtually." She got arrested for doing something stupid at our house where I had to call the cops. Now we are separated for 2 weeks and can't talk. We went out of town together and everything seemed normal between us. We had a good time in a big city and it was great. Then we come back and 2 days later she starts contact with him and now she doesn't know what she wants. she is contacting him and talking to him but she denies it. I know she's lying like she has been all this time. I keep trying to show her I care and I'm trying to change the things that were wrong throughout our marriage. Should I just give up on this or continue to work at it. I love her to death but it seems that the love is only on my end. Thanks for any help.

Edited July 13, 2014 by hope402

[daisydook]

Please look into a divorce and what is called "the 180."

 

I am so sorry you have found yourself here and truly hope you can find some peace in this ****ty situation.

 

Your wife has no interest in your marriage. She isn't even trying to hide this guy from you well. She knows you know about him but won't do anything so she has no reason to end it. You love her and won't leave her, so why should she end it?

 

She is having her cake and eating it too. I would just simply stop offering the cake you make. She is just awful. Disgusting behaviour. She calls herself a wife?!?!??!

[hope402]

Thanks daisydook. I just feel her manipulation to make me feel that she wants to work through this is a lie. She has feelings for this guy and she denies them. She denies everything for the exception of the emails go figure. She doesn't seem to know what she wants but makes it seem like she wants to be with me and my daughter. I have custody of her from my last marriage and she has been her mom for 4yr since she was 1. That's what hurts the most and she always asks for her mom. We see each other every now and then and she is never on her phone because she texts the guy and let hI'm know she won't be available the rest of the night. We stay there and spend time together as a family. She says she wants to try and fix this so that at least she can say she tried to fix the marriage. Idk if things will stop once she decides to work this but the guy is 1,000+ miles away so all they can do now is just text. Maybe in being stupid for continuing on and listening to my heart and not looking at the big picture. It just sucks and I hope that she can see that I'm actually being serious about possibly working it out and both of us making changes to get through this. Again thanks for the comments because they really help. Hard since we just moved here and we don't really have many friends and besides some of them know what's going on and if they choose sides then that's where I can't trust them. Thanks!

[Mr. Lucky]

She got arrested for doing something stupid at our house where I had to call the cops. Now we are separated for 2 weeks and can't talk.

Let's tally:

 

1). Cheated on you.

2). Got arrested for something "stupid".

3). Continues to lie to and gaslight you.

4). Stays in contact with her affair partner.

 

Marriages can be saved if both partners have their head in the game and are willing to do the hard work. Without question, your wife is far from that place.

 

You should immediately start moving on into a life the focuses on you and your daughter. If your wife comes to her senses at some point, fine. But right now every drop of emotional energy invested in her drama and infidelity is net loss to you. Time to turn your attention to more productive things...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Friskyone4u]

You are not going to work this out by nicing her back. You are now in a marriage with three people in it, and either you are going to have not be afraid of ending it in order to save it.

Your wife is came eating and right now you are Plan B because up to now, she continues this affair and all you do is tell her how much you want to repair things.

The are no consequences for her at all. You have to find out if OM is married and expose it to his spouse. There is a lot more you can do but it is worthless until you decide you are not putting up with it anymore.

If this guy was not so far away she would be sneaking out to meet him.

If you do not change your approach you will not stop this

[almond]

Are you doing it right? No, no you're not.

 

You do not want a woman like that as a mother to your child. She is humiliating you and disrespecting you beyond belief. Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

 

Pack her sh*t, and throw it out on the front lawn. Change the locks. Tell her that you aren't standing in her way anymore. Go immediate NC.

 

She is simply using you now, until she is able to jet off and be with this guy. Booting her out now and ending the relationship is your only chance at feeling a little more in control of your own life, and minimizing some of the pain you will feel.

 

Get rid of her ASAP and do not look back. She doesn't love you. She doesn't respect you. She doesn't care about your family. She is practically spitting in your face over and over.

 

Get her out, and focus on being a father to your daughter. I also suggest therapy so you can get to the bottom of what has led to you allowing this treatment to continue for so long.

 

You and your daughter deserve better. After what she has done, it is virtually impossible to have happy, stable relationship with this woman. End it, and go strict NC. You daughter needs your attention, and she needs you to be happy and adjusted...allowing yourself to be continually mind-f*cked and degraded in this manner isn't good for anyone. Be strong, and do what you need to do.