A little advice needed

[Vincent]

Hi I am 21 years old, and seeing a 16 year old girl. She just turned 16. She is a virgin, and she wants me to make love to her for the first time. I am little scared about this whole issue. I mean "rape" thing.I hve heard that it could be considered rape. I mean because of her age. We live in New York, and I am really concerned about this age issue. I have dated girls, but most of them were over 19. One was 20 and the other was 23. Now anyone out there please let me know what are some of the things that I need to consider. I don't want trouble

 

Thanks

 

V

[Tony T]

Well, Vincent, it's always great to find a guy who thinks with his brain and not with his penis in a situation like this. You are to be commended (I'm being quite serious about that).

 

In New York, and in most other states, it is statutory rape for an adult to have sex with a minor under the age of 18. It's even more serious if she was of previous chaste character (virgin). Even if she shows you an ID that indicates she is 18 or older, if she is in fact under 18...you're cooked meat.

 

Statutory rape is punishable by 25 years to life in prison. However, if you've been a good guy and have no previous criminal record, you would probably get out on parole after six or seven years.

 

Of course, all this is contingent on her reporting you. That's the gamble. If you have sex with her, you are commiting a crime but if she doesn't report it within the two year statute of limitations period, you are off totally free. That means you have to be very very nice to her for a two year period following the very last time you have sex with her as a minor.

 

Now if she get's pregnant, she cannot get an abortion without parental consent. The U.S. Supreme Court just ruled on this a few days ago. So if she gets pregnant, her parents will find out. They will get out of her who is responsible. Technically, they are legally responsible to report this as a crime if they know your age.

 

They may or may not call the police but they may want her to have the baby and have you pay for raising it for 18 years. At about $600 per month to start with and going up each year as the child gets older and with inflation, that will run you about $225,000 for the 18 years...unless you are kind enough to pay its college expenses.

 

If she has a traumatic emotional reaction to losing her virginity, which happens sometimes, this too will be cause for alarm. She will seek help and most professionals, including counsellors and therapists, will be obligated to report this as a crime.

 

So it's a real gamble, my friend. I think after reading this, you probably won't be able to get an erection anyway. But at least you will have some compelling reasons for keeping it in your pants.

 

Just as an aside, it is a crime (contributing to the delinquency of a minor child) just to pet heavilly, to touch her genitalia and to have her touch yours. You never know what girls are going to tell their moms about their experience and which ones aren't. Again, a big gamble.

 

If I were you and you desire to pursue this girl to any degree, I would strongly recommend you cut loose with $150 and go get an hour's advice from a good attorney.

[Carol]

Yes be careful and wait till she is old enough

 

There is no way you can undo it once it is done and

 

you are young also and might regret

 

Wait till the relationship grows as waiting will

 

lead to better and more mature feelings and when

 

you are both ready, perhaps you marry then you

 

feel that she is yours and you are hers and you

 

can then enjoy without any worry or consequeces

 

My letter is above yours labelled Carol

 

Perhaps you can comment regards

Hi I am 21 years old, and seeing a 16 year old girl. She just turned 16. She is a virgin, and she wants me to make love to her for the first time. I am little scared about this whole issue. I mean "rape" thing.I hve heard that it could be considered rape. I mean because of her age. We live in New York, and I am really concerned about this age issue. I have dated girls, but most of them were over 19. One was 20 and the other was 23. Now anyone out there please let me know what are some of the things that I need to consider. I don't want trouble Thanks V

[Vin]

I do trust her and all, but in case things get messed up, is there any way she can prove that I slept with her?

 

What do you think?

 

Well, Vincent, it's always great to find a guy who thinks with his brain and not with his penis in a situation like this. You are to be commended (I'm being quite serious about that).

 

In New York, and in most other states, it is statutory rape for an adult to have sex with a minor under the age of 18. It's even more serious if she was of previous chaste character (virgin). Even if she shows you an ID that indicates she is 18 or older, if she is in fact under 18...you're cooked meat. Statutory rape is punishable by 25 years to life in prison. However, if you've been a good guy and have no previous criminal record, you would probably get out on parole after six or seven years. Of course, all this is contingent on her reporting you. That's the gamble. If you have sex with her, you are commiting a crime but if she doesn't report it within the two year statute of limitations period, you are off totally free. That means you have to be very very nice to her for a two year period following the very last time you have sex with her as a minor. Now if she get's pregnant, she cannot get an abortion without parental consent. The U.S. Supreme Court just ruled on this a few days ago. So if she gets pregnant, her parents will find out. They will get out of her who is responsible. Technically, they are legally responsible to report this as a crime if they know your age. They may or may not call the police but they may want her to have the baby and have you pay for raising it for 18 years. At about $600 per month to start with and going up each year as the child gets older and with inflation, that will run you about $225,000 for the 18 years...unless you are kind enough to pay its college expenses.

 

If she has a traumatic emotional reaction to losing her virginity, which happens sometimes, this too will be cause for alarm. She will seek help and most professionals, including counsellors and therapists, will be obligated to report this as a crime. So it's a real gamble, my friend. I think after reading this, you probably won't be able to get an erection anyway. But at least you will have some compelling reasons for keeping it in your pants. Just as an aside, it is a crime (contributing to the delinquency of a minor child) just to pet heavilly, to touch her genitalia and to have her touch yours. You never know what girls are going to tell their moms about their experience and which ones aren't. Again, a big gamble. If I were you and you desire to pursue this girl to any degree, I would strongly recommend you cut loose with $150 and go get an hour's advice from a good attorney.

[Vin]

One more thing, does she have testify that it happened? or I could get thrown in jail simply if someone finds out, and even if she keeps denying?

I do trust her and all, but in case things get messed up, is there any way she can prove that I slept with her? What do you think?

[Tony T]

Your friendly corner police officer can give you definitive answers to your questions based on local law.

 

But statutory rape is a crime against the state. It's like when somebody is murdered...the victim can't report it so somebody else does. The fact is that stuff like this often gets out. I told you it was a gamble and I meant it.

 

What usually happens is girls talk to girls. Then one of the girls tells her mother. Her mother freaks and calls the girl's school and probably your girl's parents. They call your girlfriend into the school office and question her. She slips up and admits to the sex. The principal calls the police. The police come and interview her...they are trained to deal with people who don't want to talk but your girl is not experienced and will be a piece of cake for them. Then the police come visit you, arrest you, and then you hire an attorney to see if you can get off.

 

They will at some point give your girlfriend a lie detector test, most likely before they arrest you. Once they've confirmed that an offense took place, your goose is cooked. Then they will compel the testimony of your girlfriend. It's not a matter of her making a report at that point. She will be a state's witness, since the crime was against the state.

 

I personally wouldn't risk a criminal record that could keep me from ever getting a good job, etc. I really don't know what the odds are of this ever getting out but I'd say they were pretty good. Some of the greatest criminals are caught because either they or someone close to them just can't keep their mouth shut.

 

You're on your own here. I can't encourage you to commit a felony. I would be breaking the law and I could be arrested for conspiracy. But I can only tell you that you are playing the odds. I would say a lot of men get away with this, a lot of people don't want to prosecute. Maybe you ought to spend more time sizing up the situation, what her family is like, how she keeps secrets, etc.

 

But a girl losing her virginity is a very big deal and it's not likely she'll keep it to herself, no matter how much she says she will. Girls will be girls.

 

I know this is really tempting for you and I wish I could tell you to go for it. But I don't like the idea of jailtime myself.