Ex Is Begging For Me Back After 4th Breakup!!

[soulforge]

i will try and keep this short as possible guys, please read through & give me some advice...

 

i was with this woman for around 2 years.. i am 37 years old & she was 46 with 4 kids (two are grown up & moved out)

 

anyhow things was really good with us... she was attractive, great sex, we had lots in common & we had a similar sense of humour..

 

 

but around a year into it.. once she realised that i was in love with her, she changed.. she became quite disrespectful, rude, controlling & cruel behaviour towards me

 

sometimes pushing me away & then pulling me back in

using long silent treatments on me

everyone else came before me.. her friends, her family, her kids..

 

then she started using sex as a form of control... if i tried to initiate sex with her, then most of the time she would REJECT me.

when she rejected me, it would hurt my feelings & breakdown my self confidence..

 

we would pretty much only have sex if and when she wanted it..

 

so because of this, i decided not to initiate sex with her anymore.. so then i got accused of NOT GIVING HER SEX

 

anyhow we had a big argument around a year ago & i walked away from her.. i was sick of her behaviour & it was killing my confidence

 

i stayed no contact for around a month & she started begging me to come back.. she promised me, things will be better and she will be the perfect girlfriend for me

 

she told me she would do anything for me.. i decided to give her another chance & let her back into my life.

within 3 or 4 weeks she went back to her old ways again.. disrespectful, passive aggressive & controlling the sex!!

 

 

anyhow 1 week before last christmas she DUMPED ME..

 

yes she dumped me just one week before christmas, we had a petty little argument & few days later she sent me a text & DUMPED me.

 

SHE ACCUSED ME OF NOT GIVING HER SEX & IT WASNT WORKING OUT

 

 

i went no contact & now 7 months later... she is back BEGGING me again.. she has been chasing me for the last 2 months, send me hand writen letters to my house & looking for me online.. she seems DESPERATE

 

she is claiming to have changed... she is trying her best for me to get back in touch with her...

 

WHAT SHOULD I DO GUYS.. WE HAVE BROKE UP 4-5 TIMES ALREADY

 

CAN A TOXIC WOMAN REALLY CHANGE??

 

MAYBE ANOTHER GUY DUMPED HER & SHE IS NOW REALISNG THE GRASS ISNT ACTUALLY GREENER

[soulforge]

she is now messaging me on plenty of fish dating site.

 

this leaves me in the situation, where if i don't take her back... she will then probably meet someone off the dating site

 

should i let her go?

[zen2475]

This woman sounds pathological; a narcissistic sociopath. People like her need people like you to feed her narcissistic desires. You have become her so-called narcissistic extension.

 

 

She's going to continue playing games with you to feed herself. Her behavior is classic and they often do come back because if she can convince you to reconcile, it's just feeding her. Narcissists get their self-worth from their own reflections in others; i.e., how much they can manipulate other people. Don't allow that to happen to you.

 

 

Narcissists are essentially emotional vampires, who will always tantalize you with the possibility of becoming closer to them; they will act distant with you, but when you seem to be moving on, will feign affection (or in the case of those with the covert sub-type, will believe that they suddenly like you more) to anchor you to them once more. They depend on the feeling of superiority they receive when they feel desired by you; if you move on, they lose that validation. As such they will constantly work to make themselves the center of your life.

 

 

You can only expect more and more of these cycles from her. Please be strong and walk away.

[soulforge]

This woman sounds pathological; a narcissistic sociopath. People like her need people like you to feed her narcissistic desires. You have become her so-called narcissistic extension.

 

 

She's going to continue playing games with you to feed herself. Her behavior is classic and they often do come back because if she can convince you to reconcile, it's just feeding her. Narcissists get their self-worth from their own reflections in others; i.e., how much they can manipulate other people. Don't allow that to happen to you.

 

 

Narcissists are essentially emotional vampires, who will always tantalize you with the possibility of becoming closer to them; they will act distant with you, but when you seem to be moving on, will feign affection (or in the case of those with the covert sub-type, will believe that they suddenly like you more) to anchor you to them once more. They depend on the feeling of superiority they receive when they feel desired by you; if you move on, they lose that validation. As such they will constantly work to make themselves the center of your life.

 

 

You can only expect more and more of these cycles from her. Please be strong and walk away.

 

 

i have been told, that there maybe a possibility that she maybe BDP borderline personality... as i said i am not sure

 

i do believe you are right, she does have narcissist traits & she does think very highly of her self image..

 

i know she is passive aggressive.. the slightest disagreement can lead to long silent treatments for days on end.. that eventually lead to a breakup, if i don't cave in or try to make up

 

in the beginning she will act like she adores me, but once i get back with her, she soon starts behaving like, she doesnt give that much of a toss about me if things don't go her way.. this cycle had been going on for two maybe 3 years..

 

i can be the greatest guy, to suddenly the most evil boyfirend she has had, just like that

 

 

also i have considered all these other factors... say for example she is genuinely sorry & wants to do her very best to make things work with me..

 

01.i will always be walking on egg shells, wandering when the next dumping will come

 

02.any disagreement or argument i have with her, again could lead to me being dumped again or the relationship breaking down... this has happened before, so can easily happen again

 

03.i will never know her true reason for dumping me last Christmas, it could have been because she met someone else & he dumped her, so now she wants me back

 

04.she could have slept with someone else & i would be getting back with a girl, other men have been with, while i was thrown away like a piece of garbage

 

05. i will find it very hard to trust her, or build a stable long term relationship with her

 

06. her kids, family, friends will always come before me.. i will come 4th place and she will never be able to give me kids of my own.. as she is 46 years old

 

there are many other points... i have to admit that i still have feelings for her.. otherwise i wouldn't even bother to post on here..

 

she is reaching out & i am finding it hard to walk away... but she has let me down one too many time..

 

 

guys please give me your input on this matter

[Moonborn]

From what I have read around the general consensus is that it is possible to come back together succesfully after the first breakup, if both people had enough time to grieve over the previous relationship and are willing to work to fix whatever it was that didn't work the first time. After more than a breakup it is a lost cause (or at least, it is extremely difficult). I personally agree with that view.

 

Even without considering that, she proved to you that she is a toxic person many times. What makes you think that she will change this time? You cannot "save" her, it's not how it works.

 

I think you know the answer to your question already and just needed somebody to confirm it for you. So there it is: let her go, you can do much better than this.

[d0nnivain]

If she was 19 I'd say she might be able to change. At 46 this is who she is.

 

After 4 break ups do yourself a favor make this one permanent.

[mangetout]

Soul forge you know your answer. You have to listen to your head this time.

Why do you want to be in a relationship when you are walking on eggshells in case she dumps you again. You need to be with someone who will stay with you through thick and thin. That's what I call a real relationship.

 

My ex did the same to me... He dumped me four times! He walked out everytime things were not going his way. There was no commitment from his side, no working things through. It was his way or the highway..but he still told me after every BU how much he still loves me.

 

What a load of BS.

 

I still love my ex but enough is enough. Time to break these chains. You need to do the same

[soulforge]

Soul forge you know your answer. You have to listen to your head this time.

Why do you want to be in a relationship when you are walking on eggshells in case she dumps you again. You need to be with someone who will stay with you through thick and thin. That's what I call a real relationship.

 

My ex did the same to me... He dumped me four times! He walked out everytime things were not going his way. There was no commitment from his side, no working things through. It was his way or the highway..but he still told me after every BU how much he still loves me.

 

What a load of BS.

 

I still love my ex but enough is enough. Time to break these chains. You need to do the same

 

 

i see what you are saying.. i am a much stronger person now, than what i was 6 months ago...

 

i defiantly would not take any kind of crap from her now.. my confidence is right up & physically i am very fit & in good shape now

 

sometimes i think maybe if i took her back, i could handle the relationship better.. i wouldn't tolerate any bad behavior, and set my boundaries..

 

but the fact is, i think i am kidding myself.. if i get back with her, as soon as her bad behavior starts again... i will be forced into dumping her there and then!!

 

and knowing how she is.. there is a very high chance that she will mess up again or do something i couldn't forgive her for...

 

so the end result will be the same... wether i dump her or she dumps me... the cycle will continue again

 

and i will have to go back to square one again in my recovery!!

[mightycpa]

Tell her to talk to the hand. Then hold your right hand up, like a cop stopping traffic. Tell her that no contact means no contact, and she's not doing it right.

[soulforge]

i,m a much stronger person than i was before, so i know i would not put up with any kind of crap of bad behaviour..

 

but my gut tells me that she will screw up & i would have to dumper her... then start again the whole no contact thing

 

just does not feel worthwhile putting myself back into this situation...

 

 

she hasn't changed before... why would she change now

[soulforge]

this is sooo hard, as she is was the only girl i really fell for.. we had some good times too.. in these good times, i was the happiest man...

 

just the good times where very few... and the drama, manipulation became a regular thing..

 

i do still miss her & do love her... but can't see a future with her!

[dumbass2]

"she was attractive, great sex, we had lots in common & we had a similar sense of humor"

 

Sounds like me and my ex

 

you're only 37, you still have plenty of time to find someone else and there are plenty woman available in your age range. Once you hit 50 you may not see things the same. I know you said the sex was good and I take it you are very attracted to her, I hope that isn't one of the main reason for wanting to get together again. I'm asking that to myself after my ex broke up with me and why would I want to be back with her, because she is very attractive and we were very passionate with each other and enjoyed doing things together, but there is a lot more to a healthy relationship than just those things.

[soulforge]

"she was attractive, great sex, we had lots in common & we had a similar sense of humor"

 

Sounds like me and my ex

 

you're only 37, you still have plenty of time to find someone else and there are plenty woman available in your age range. Once you hit 50 you may not see things the same. I know you said the sex was good and I take it you are very attracted to her, I hope that isn't one of the main reason for wanting to get together again. I'm asking that to myself after my ex broke up with me and why would I want to be back with her, because she is very attractive and we were very passionate with each other and enjoyed doing things together, but there is a lot more to a healthy relationship than just those things.

 

 

this is it... how could i possibly be with a woman who is not reliable, who i don't trust.. who brings nothing but insecurities & drama to the relationship..

 

i can never have children with her.. all i would ever have, is her and her family who don't give that much of a sh@t about me

 

i am still relatively young.. i could end up wasting these important years, if i got back together with her...

[mangetout]

this is sooo hard, as she is was the only girl i really fell for.. we had some good times too.. in these good times, i was the happiest man...

 

just the good times where very few... and the drama, manipulation became a regular thing..

 

i do still miss her & do love her... but can't see a future with her!

 

I am having one of those days..I miss him like hell today. But I see no future with my ex.

 

 

Your ex use to make you happy but she doesn't make you happy now. You are not as compatible as you thought. You see the real character of a person when the situation is difficult. Believe it because this is also her.

[mangetout]

come on soulforge. lets move onto to healthier things. Its about time don't you think?

 

 

Are you not tired of all this drama and upset? I definitely am.

 

 

Go NC, work on your recovery and get to a better place. Then start dating again. Then find a future girlfriend who is far more compatible to you

[soulforge]

its wierd... 6 months later and i still miss her... even tho she has proven to be manipulative & a toxic woman

 

wish i could remove her from my memories for good

[soulforge]

so guys i have another thread on here... please read it

 

my ex dumped me last December just one week before Christmas & now she is begging for me back... i have totally ignored her!

 

the first 8 months of the relationship was great, but once i fell in love with her she became very cruel & hurtful.. this woman was rather toxic to me!

 

we broke up 4 times!!!

 

sometimes she was hot., sometimes cold, she lacked empathy, was passive aggressive, manipulative at times, long silent treatments, sometimes rude & disrespectful

 

anyhow this was her pathetic reason for dumping me.. (by text message)

 

 

01.. she said i was not giving her any sex

 

02.. on a couple of occasions when she came to my apartment, my living room & kitchen was untidy & dishes not washed

 

 

 

i will explain reason "one" to you guys

 

when i first met my ex, our sex life was brilliant, very passionate.. but once i fell in love with her, things started to change, i noticed she was using sex as a method of control

 

withholding it, whenever it suited her...

 

if i tried to initiate sex with her, she would REJECT me.. and she would reject me quite often.

 

every time she rejected me, it hurt my feelings, i felt unattractive & my self esteem seriously dropped

 

 

but.. when she wanted sex, she expected me to oblige.. it got to the point where i was scared to initiate sex with her anymore, out of fear of REJECTION & lowering myself as a man

 

why should i have to beg my girlfriend for sex NO WAY

 

so i stopped initiating & she did not initiate sex very often either, as that meant her losing control over me & her pride getting in her way!!

 

so our sex life started to suffer

 

 

EXPLANATION FOR REASON NUMBER TWO

 

 

i am a very tidy, clean living guy.. i am a little bit OCD so i hate clutter, mess & untidiness

 

my apartment 99% is always clean and tidy.. i had started a new job recently with longer hours & i was constantly on the move..

 

working, in the gym 5 days a week, also traveling nearly 2 hours a day to meet my ex at her house...

 

on 3 or 4 occasions, i did not get the chance get my dishes done, as my life was so hectic.. when she came to my apartment she complained about the dishes & the un tidyness in my living room

 

i explained to her, that my life has been so busy and hectic, that i did not get the chance...

 

I AM NOT A MESSY GUY, I AM VERY CLEAN LIVING...

 

 

you know what hurt me the most???? this is so wierd... of all the things that woman did... claiming that i was a untidy person, hurt me the most

 

i just thought, wow what a shallow reason to dump a person.. in the 3 years she had known me.. only 2 or 3 times was my place untidy

 

 

NOW THIS WOMAN IS BEGGING FOR ME BACK!!!!

[Zahara]

Ignore. You should have blocked her. She's toxic and most likely her patterns will repeat. You had 4 break-ups in 8 months. That is enough for you to know that the best thing to do is move on.

[flight E]

Ignore her. She will definitely get more 'loving' the more you ignore her. I have been with her types. Any sign of love, commitment or care from your part is deemed weakness. Just forget her completely. Her types are such bad news that they sap your energy like parasites. Let her find another person to establish an ego relationship with

[soulforge]

Ignore her. She will definitely get more 'loving' the more you ignore her. I have been with her types. Any sign of love, commitment or care from your part is deemed weakness. Just forget her completely. Her types are such bad news that they sap your energy like parasites. Let her find another person to establish an ego relationship with

 

 

thats exactly how it felt... when she realised that i had developed feelings for her, she changed..

 

 

if i showed her love, or commitment.. she did see it as weakness.. i dont believe it is possible to have a relationship with someone like this