Saki83 Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 My ex boyfriend and I split 2 weeks ago now from a 3yr relationship (I'm 31, he's 26) He told me that the reason he was leaving me is that he still loves me and cares for me but he isnt "in love with me"and he's been unhappy the past month. I havent been able to do the NC with him because we lived together and over the past couple of weeks we've had to sort out the flat. To top it off we work at the same company. For the past few days he's been the one contacting me about the flat. Pointless texts, things he'd already told me. I had a melt down moment and sent him a text regarding how easy it was for him to leave and shutdown his feelings yada yada. He replied to me straight away and said "you got it all wrong" I asked him what I'd gotten all wrong and he replied with "everything" So a few days later I see him at work and I get all those feelkngs back, you know the butterflies in your stomach feelings. He went out of his way to avoid me for 2 days, then yesterday he spoke to me but his tone of voice was angry. I suspect that this has something to do with the fact that I'm appearing to move on, in reality I'm finding it really hard. He was always my guy. Why only a few days ago would he be the one that was acting all nice and he's telling me he's happy being single, to him being angry and not even looking at me? All I'm doing is appearing to move which is what he asked. I dont feel like this is over and someday I'd like another shot but should I just give up? Link to post Share on other sites
I am Bud Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 Dear Saki83 Taking into account that he was the one who initiated the breakup and told you to move on absolves you of feeling any guilt whatsoever. You can basically do whatever is legally possible to get him out of your mind and life. In fact you are entitled to a healthy dose of anger and venting should you choose that path. Being that he is only 26 years old, he probably wants to date around a bit more before he settles down, so the best thing that he thought he could do was to get rid of the old girl and make room for a new one. As much as it would please you if he gave you another shot I would advise against it because he had his chance and blew it. Taking someone back who clearly did not think that your relationship was worth working on is like rewarding a spoiled brat. The brat doesn't learn and you wind up getting frustrated when the brat get's back to his old tricks. When things have settled down and you have had a chance to review your relationship the truth will become self evident that you are better of without him. When people break up with us we become vulnerable to such an extent that we place ourselves at their feet begging and hoping that they take us back. When we give them all this power it makes us unbalanced as individuals and we go through an emotional roller coaster ride. Amongst all the pain and rejection we have to rise above all that and seek to place value on ourselves. There is a great need to love ourselves more than ever after a breakup so that we can take care of ourselves to the best of our ability. Do not give away your power to someone who is "not in love with you" but nurture it within so that you can share it with someone who deserves it. All the best - Bud. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarlove Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 When someone said he is not in love with you, it meant he no longer feel the same about you. He is confused as it's most likely happen just suddenly one day, he woke up and felt different. This is his issue, it's not your fault, nothing you can do about it to bring it back to him. All you can do now is to keep calm, be understanding and don't push him any further. I made a mistake with my ex and I hope you will take what I learnt into account. Just stay calm.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saki83 Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 At work he wouldn't look at me, if I looked up, he'd look at the floor but when he thought I wasnt looking he kept glancing across. I just don't understand why he's suddenly angry with me. Is that his only way to deal with it? During our break up we'd litterally put everything on the table. All our issues, why things had come to this. He even sat and hugged me because I'd started crying, he kept saying to me to talk to him. So I did but I also said that no matter what I said it wasn't going to change how he feels. I got a "I dont know" back. I'm just so confused, I dont want to give up on this guy but maybe it's already too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saki83 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 An opportunity arose so I asked him why he was seemingly angry with me. He said he wasnt. So I said to him you've been pretty off/angry with me since you've been back at work. I'm only doing what you wanted me to. I.e moving on I figured I'd leave it at that, these were all texts. I get one back early hours of the morning saying "what do you mean" What else other than moving on, could I have meant? Or was I too cryptic? I dont know whether to answer him or just leave it? Suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts