Really Want To Let Ex-GF Know I Miss Her

[irresolute]

She knows that you miss her. She knows your feelings for her. Dumpers know. there's no need to clarify again that you miss her. what for? you'll be giving her more power. the one who has less feelings is the one who has the power in the relationship.

Regain the power. No contact is not a game. you'll fail if you see it this way.

No contact is the only way for you to move on from a toxic/unrequited relationship.

[JustSomeGuyHere]

You feel like it's a game because you're too concerned as to how NC is perceived by her. The other thing is that holding on to the notion that it feels like a game, provides with you with some deluded justification in your mind that maybe you should be doing the opposite, because the opposite helps you keep the tie with her. And you don't want to sever that tie with her. Severing it means the painful finality, and the daunting fear of not being a part of her life anymore. You're afraid to face that so you make excuses -- NC is a game. It's not a game if you utilize it for what it is intended to do.

 

NC is for your benefit -- prioritizing nothing else but your best effort to help you move on from her. That's the only way you should look at NC, that is if your first and foremost priority is to heal and move on.

 

You're absolutely right Zahara. When I immediately initiated NC it really was because I knew I had to have her out of my life if I was going to heal.

 

The relationship was totally broken. She made the decision that she didn't want to work on it. She wanted out. But as time goes on, I forget, and start to wonder if I made the right decision or was just overreacting in the moment from fear of loss.

 

It's tough since after we broke up, I immediately initiated NC, and as a result we have never talked about what happened. We went from talking to each other everyday, to nothing. Literally over night.

 

And even though I know it shouldn't, it bothers me for her to think that it's been easy for me or that I never really cared.

[BC1980]

You're absolutely right Zahara. When I immediately initiated NC it really was because I knew I had to have her out of my life if I was going to heal.

 

The relationship was totally broken. She made the decision that she didn't want to work on it. She wanted out. But as time goes on, I forget, and start to wonder if I made the right decision or was just overreacting in the moment from fear of loss.

 

It's tough since after we broke up, I immediately initiated NC, and as a result we have never talked about what happened. We went from talking to each other everyday, to nothing. Literally over night.

 

And even though I know it shouldn't, it bothers me for her to think that it's been easy for me or that I never really cared.

 

If it helps, I stayed LC for 4 months, playing games basically. It didn't cause my ex to want to reconcile. When people are done, they are done. You can do everything and nothing, but you ultimately can't force someone. No matter how much second guessing you do, it's all futile at this point.

[Duude]

In general, I think dumpees breaking NC for the "what if?" reason is a very bad idea. It seems like most cases will result in further rejections and pain. Rare cases may bring you back to being a doormat for a short period, only to get dumped when someone else comes along.

 

I think it's also important to understand that we don't have to live life to a set of rules. There are no wrong decisions, just different decisions leads to different paths.

[JustSomeGuyHere]

If it helps, I stayed LC for 4 months, playing games basically. It didn't cause my ex to want to reconcile. When people are done, they are done. You can do everything and nothing, but you ultimately can't force someone. No matter how much second guessing you do, it's all futile at this point.

 

Thanks BC, you are right. I know you are. It's just something, like so many others on here, I'm still struggling to come to terms with.

[BC1980]

Thanks BC, you are right. I know you are. It's just something, like so many others on here, I'm still struggling to come to terms with.

 

I totally understand. It's very difficult to come to terms with at first. Even now, I sometimes wonder how it all went down like it did. We tend to focus on the positives for some reason, and we forget the reasons why it wasn't going to work. I had a very difficult time coming to the point of even implementing NC, and I ended up breaking it after 3 months. I probably made every mistake in the book after my breakup, so I know it all leads to a dead end. I don't know if you can ever get rid of that "what if" mentality or the idea that the person may come back.

 

It is so very difficult to decide to go NC with the idea of never speaking to the person again. It's difficult because it's so painful, but it's for the best long term. After I really made the decision to block him from my life for good, I felt like sh*t for about 3 months. Never wanted to contact him but felt awful for those few months. It's just something you have to go through.

[JustSomeGuyHere]

Well I just found out she's in a new relationship with the person I suspected. A girl she works with. My ex left me to be a lesbian. Wow this is painful. Glad I didn't send any messages.

[BC1980]

Well I just found out she's in a new relationship with the person I suspected. A girl she works with. My ex left me to be a lesbian. Wow this is painful. Glad I didn't send any messages.

 

I will say the one good thing is there can truly be zero hope here if she is a lesbian. Knowing there is no hope will help you move on faster.

 

Out of curiosity, is she out, or is this secret?

[JustSomeGuyHere]

Well she would call herself bi. And yes it is out now. Her gf is posting pics of them on Facebook. I found out through a friend.

 

It's crazy that I knew all this and was still clinging to hope.

[JustSomeGuyHere]

Today is my 2 month breakup anniversary. She has sent a few breadcrumbs. I replied once.

 

I feel bad. I've had a text written but I've never sent it:

 

"Just so you know I do miss you and care about you a lot. I think about you all the time and hope are well."

 

We had a great relationship, never fought. We were really more like close friends. These last two months have been hell for me.

 

I think she thinks I don't care and that's been driving me nuts from the beginning of the breakup. I know it's a terrible idea to send the text, but I can't stop thinking about it.

[Summerrose2013]

What do you want to achieve from the text??

Do you want her back?

I would advise anyone to wait 3 months and then see how you feel but no one on the second chances threads got their ex back by begging and opening their hearts. They didn't give a crap last time you told them this. Don't expect that to change. Who wants to get back with someone who can break your heart and not care....

 

You need to go AGAINST your instincts if this is the case. If you must contact her, make it a friendly chatty text. If you send her that text you propose she will just get that EUGH feeling about you again.

[JustSomeGuyHere]

What do you want to achieve from the text??

Do you want her back?

I would advise anyone to wait 3 months and then see how you feel but no one on the second chances threads got their ex back by begging and opening their hearts. They didn't give a crap last time you told them this. Don't expect that to change. Who wants to get back with someone who can break your heart and not care....

 

You need to go AGAINST your instincts if this is the case. If you must contact her, make it a friendly chatty text. If you send her that text you propose she will just get that EUGH feeling about you again.

 

I don't know what I want to achieve from the text. I know I can't get back with her. Things can never be the same. I know it will just lead to more pain no matter what the outcome.

 

I suppose I just want her to know I care.

[Natsu21]

I don't know what I want to achieve from the text. I know I can't get back with her. Things can never be the same. I know it will just lead to more pain no matter what the outcome.

 

I suppose I just want her to know I care.

 

That's great and all but here's the thing.

 

She doesn't care about you. Not in the way you care about her.

 

You are an ex to her. She's moved on. You do the same.

[Summerrose2013]

Everyone told me to stay away from my ex, that no good would ever come of it, but sometimes you just need that final confirmation and rejection from them to see the cold light of day.

 

Even those giving me the above advice admitted they had done the same and thats why they were so wise, but it's human nature that we have to learn from our OWN mistakes and sometimes you just need to bang your head against that brick wall one last time to get closure and feel that final pain to move on. Personally, if I could have my time again, I would have broken off contact right from the outset. BUT then again, i did get closure from the follow up conversations, but also more pain and anguish..... In time you will no longer care what they think. Of course they know you love them, but they didn't care then and won't now.

[BC1980]

That's great and all but here's the thing.

 

She doesn't care about you. Not in the way you care about her.

 

You are an ex to her. She's moved on. You do the same.

 

That's it. She thinks of you in a fond way, not the way you feel about her. You have to wrap your head around that as difficult as it is. Reality is different than what you want it to be. It's normal to want to make contact because you are in the process of reconciling that what you want cannot be. Your mind might see that logically, but your heart takes awhile to catch up. It's advisable to maintain NC because you need to emotionally detach from her. The more you stay in contact, the more difficult it becomes to detach. Not so much for her because she has already detached. She has no problem staying in friendly contact because she is in a different place emotionally.

[JustSomeGuyHere]

Well I just broke NC by replying to a text. She sent a video of us one night just laughing and having a great time. We texted a bit, just friendly stuff., clearing the air.

 

I feel better on the one hand. I got to say what I wanted to and now she knows I'm not mad. On the other hand it hurts knowing she wasn't trying to get back together.

 

Overall I don't regret replying. It feels like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders and puts reality firmly in front of my face.

[Weallwalkthelongroad]

I wouldn't advise telling her you miss her.

 

I did just that a few months ago and what ensued was one of the craziest rants from her about how she is unable to talk to me because she feels like she is walking on eggshells. And I said was I missed her...nothing more. So I basically told myself I was dumb for even remotely missing her, blocked her from everything and haven't looked back since. No response, no nothing. One crazy response was all I needed to see that she is no longer the person she once was.

[JustSomeGuyHere]

That's it. She thinks of you in a fond way, not the way you feel about her. You have to wrap your head around that as difficult as it is. Reality is different than what you want it to be. It's normal to want to make contact because you are in the process of reconciling that what you want cannot be. Your mind might see that logically, but your heart takes awhile to catch up. It's advisable to maintain NC because you need to emotionally detach from her. The more you stay in contact, the more difficult it becomes to detach. Not so much for her because she has already detached. She has no problem staying in friendly contact because she is in a different place emotionally.

 

BC1980 you are absolutely right. Although I do feel like it was good to get my feelings out there. It's really been bothering me the way things had been left with us.

 

Although from my point of view, it does hurt to have her send that video reminding me how happy I was when we were together and it led me on to think she may have wanted more. But I don't think she was trying to intentionally hurt me. Like you said, just fond memories for her.

 

Also, I don't think she is a bad person. She didn't cheat on me. Just because it didn't work out with us doesn't mean we should have bad blood between us, and that's how I felt it was left before.

[BC1980]

BC1980 you are absolutely right. Although I do feel like it was good to get my feelings out there. It's really been bothering me the way things had been left with us.

 

Although from my point of view, it does hurt to have her send that video reminding me how happy I was when we were together and it led me on to think she may have wanted more. But I don't think she was trying to intentionally hurt me. Like you said, just fond memories for her.

 

Also, I don't think she is a bad person. She didn't cheat on me. Just because it didn't work out with us doesn't mean we should have bad blood between us, and that's how I felt it was left before.

 

I think you will find that your feelings will change as time goes by. I'm sure she isn't trying to hurt you, but it's also not helpful for her to send you videos. It keeps up the attachment, and it can make you bitter later on to know that you allowed sentimental contact from her because it fed into her needs. I doubt she is a bad person, but the emotional bond needs to be severed for you to move on. I'd advise no contact from her whatsoever from here on out.

[JustSomeGuyHere]

I think you will find that your feelings will change as time goes by. I'm sure she isn't trying to hurt you, but it's also not helpful for her to send you videos. It keeps up the attachment, and it can make you bitter later on to know that you allowed sentimental contact from her because it fed into her needs. I doubt she is a bad person, but the emotional bond needs to be severed for you to move on. I'd advise no contact from her whatsoever from here on out.

 

So do I tell her to not contact me anymore? Do I block her phone number? I really don't know if I can do that. I'm sure 99.9% of men don't block exs and are able to get over their relationships.

[Natsu21]

So do I tell her to not contact me anymore? Do I block her phone number? I really don't know if I can do that. I'm sure 99.9% of men don't block exs and are able to get over their relationships.

 

Actually, I'm the 0.1 percent of men who do.

 

I don't keep up contact with exes, mostly because I am in no way interested in their friendship. Especially my first ex, who cheated on me.

 

She was no friend of mine. Dude, if you don't see her as a friend, but rather, as a way to get her back, block her number and move on, because trust me, she no longer sees you that way, and never will.

[BC1980]

So do I tell her to not contact me anymore? Do I block her phone number? I really don't know if I can do that. I'm sure 99.9% of men don't block exs and are able to get over their relationships.

 

I definitely wouldn't tell her not to contact you anymore. I don't think your situation warrants that. It doesn't matter what 99.9 percent of people do, but I think you'd be surprised at how many people block an ex's number. If you don't block, you need to have a strong resolve to ignore if she contacts, which she likely will. Blocking is really about removing temptation to respond if she reaches out. It's a protective measure in that regards. The other reason for blocking would be harassment, but your situation obviously isn't that. I think your ex will quietly go away and get the message when you repeatedly ignore.

 

The main reason you don't want to block is the same as everyone else's. You want some type of validation that she still cares for you. Several months from now, you will likely see her sending that video as selfish act to meet her own needs.

[JustSomeGuyHere]

I definitely wouldn't tell her not to contact you anymore. I don't think your situation warrants that. It doesn't matter what 99.9 percent of people do, but I think you'd be surprised at how many people block an ex's number. If you don't block, you need to have a strong resolve to ignore if she contacts, which she likely will. Blocking is really about removing temptation to respond if she reaches out. It's a protective measure in that regards. The other reason for blocking would be harassment, but your situation obviously isn't that. I think your ex will quietly go away and get the message when you repeatedly ignore.

 

The main reason you don't want to block is the same as everyone else's. You want some type of validation that she still cares for you. Several months from now, you will likely see her sending that video as selfish act to meet her own needs.

 

Thanks BC. Even right now I feel like her sending that video was a selfish act. Even if it was subconscious. I think she really thought I just didn't care about her (she even said this) and therefore assumed I'm not having a hard time.

 

The other thing is she said she hoped we can have "some sort of relationship in the future." I said I felt the same way and that's how we left it. So based off that, I imagine I'll start getting little check in texts when she's feeling down, or things come up.

 

Now I'm really thinking I should block the number. I'm going to feel stupid not replying and I'm worried about the temptation. Ugh I hate this stuff.

[BC1980]

Thanks BC. Even right now I feel like her sending that video was a selfish act. Even if it was subconscious. I think she really thought I just didn't care about her (she even said this) and therefore assumed I'm not having a hard time.

 

The other thing is she said she hoped we can have "some sort of relationship in the future." I said I felt the same way and that's how we left it. So based off that, I imagine I'll start getting little check in texts when she's feeling down, or things come up.

 

Now I'm really thinking I should block the number. I'm going to feel stupid not replying and I'm worried about the temptation. Ugh I hate this stuff.

 

It's hard not to respond in the beginning because you are still emotional. You are still attached to her, so you feel a burden to respond and be nice. The thing is that any contact basically sets you back, but it helps her transition away from you. It's not fair for her to use you when she feels down or even when she wants a validation that you still care. When you break up with someone, you no longer get the fringe benefits. That is part of the deal, and she will have to suffer the consequences the same as you.