Stepfather invading my privacy

[pink_sugar]

Let me just say - you need to lock your phone. No one should just be able to pick it up and read your texts without a passcode. I assume it's a smartphone and contains a lot of your life and sensitive data? Protect yourself and password protect it. It's a hassle, but you'll be glad you did it if it's lost or stolen. Tape an email address or contact number to the outside of the phone.

 

This is a good idea. I recently did this on my own phone and didn't realize until now how good of an idea it is even though I don't have to worry about anyone snooping.

[BlueIris]

Well done, and pretty mature. It doesn't really cost us anything to be respectful and it's reflecting very well on you as a person. Being calm and respectful doesn't mean not speaking up for yourself.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your father at such a young age and it makes sense that it takes a while to trust someone new.

 

Sorry about that. I left out the most important word.

 

I'm impressed by you, OP.

 

I hope you enjoy college.

[TAV]

We were given Two of almost everything in case we loose one or it fails.

 

Single mothers who turn their parental responsibility over to priests, boys club, boyfriends, etc etc - Are Not doing their Job, and asking for trouble.

 

I'm not really sure what your non-stop rant against single mothers has got to do with OP's original post. Or are you telling me it is the mother's fault that her husband died?

 

I'm pretty sure you are projecting here but life does not always turn out a bed of roses for everyone. And in all your rants I wonder where the fathers are in all this. Or are you of the opinion that they do not have as much responsibility as the mothers whether they are a traditional unit or not?

 

Despite the aggressiveness the OP showed her stepfather, I think in general she did amazing for what she went through and I'm very glad that the bond with her mother has remained strong. I think her trust issues regarding her soon-to-be stepdad are valid in view of the loss she suffered and I think they could all benefit from a bit of help in that dept.

[UpwardForward]

I'm not really sure what your non-stop rant against single mothers has got to do with OP's original post. Or are you telling me it is the mother's fault that her husband died?

 

I'm pretty sure you are projecting here but life does not always turn out a bed of roses for everyone. And in all your rants I wonder where the fathers are in all this. Or are you of the opinion that they do not have as much responsibility as the mothers whether they are a traditional unit or not?

 

QUOTE]

 

Lucky me.

 

Yes I do feel (while she is alive) the maternal mother is responsible to nurture and/or be there for her offspring all through life.

 

And I cannot see that any mother worth her weight would want to pass her role onto others.

 

Blessed Overcomer than I am.

 

I had to speak, because I felt many on here were too quick to call a mother's boyfriend a 'step father'.

 

My 'rant' was regarding single mothers giving these men the responsibility of their children - and putting their offspring through this.

Edited July 16, 2014 by UpwardForward

[pink_sugar]

I'm not really sure what your non-stop rant against single mothers has got to do with OP's original post. Or are you telling me it is the mother's fault that her husband died?

 

I'm pretty sure you are projecting here but life does not always turn out a bed of roses for everyone. And in all your rants I wonder where the fathers are in all this. Or are you of the opinion that they do not have as much responsibility as the mothers whether they are a traditional unit or not?

 

QUOTE]

 

Lucky me.

 

Yes I do feel (while she is alive) the maternal mother is responsible to nurture and/or be there for her offspring all through life.

 

And I cannot see that any mother worth her weight would want to pass her role onto others.

 

Blessed Overcomer than I am.

 

I had to speak, because I felt many on here were too quick to call a mother's boyfriend a 'step father'.

 

My 'rant' was regarding single mothers giving these men the responsibility of their children - and putting their offspring through this.

 

I agree, this man is not even legally her stepfather...but rather the mother's boyfriend of only 3 years who recently came to live with them.

[Raena]

Yes. Support payments i.e. child support, SS, cease at 18 yrs.

 

That isn't true... in my state (USA), child support goes to 21 and beyond if the child is still enrolled in college after 21. This varies from state to state. I'm not 100% sure about SS... that's something I haven't had to deal with yet but I know students do still receive that kind of support if they are still in school (high school) after 18 and are in special education programs.

 

Regardless, yes, even in the USA... parents ARE legally responsible for their children until they are 21. Most don't even realize this. Yes, you can kick them out at 18 as someone else said, but can still be held liable if the child does something that they can be sued for.

 

I mentioned the college tuition issue earlier too and someone commented on this being ridiculous. I agree with that 100%. There I was, paying my own bills, living in my own place and I couldn't get student loans because I had to use my parents income (mother AND step-father). They didn't even make together what I make now (which is pennies by most standards) but they were expected to pay for my college expenses.

[Massyd39]

That must've been difficult to grow up without your father, and knowing how that came to be.

Yes, it was hard when my mother had to tell what happened for the first time but I learned to accept it over the years. To everyone that knew him, he seemed nearly perfect in every way and the type of guy someone can get along with; great friend, dedicated husband and father. We still have certain old pictures where I'm a baby, he's carrying me and is smiling. No one thought he would kill himself. They thought he was a happy person.

Abandonment is hard to process and deal with as it always seems personal to a child. I hope you've come to terms with it and have found a way to carry that loss so that doesn't leave you stuck with strong reactive emotions and projective expectations of men in future romantic relationships.

Yes, I did came to terms with it long ago. I got used to it. I do seek forward towards settling down one day. Not now though. Want to study and first college first.

I wish you all the best.

Thank you. Edited July 17, 2014 by Massyd39

[Massyd39]

Sorry about that. I left out the most important word.

 

I'm impressed by you, OP.

 

I hope you enjoy college.

Yeah I can't wait for college to start already. Will be starting in Sept.

[Mascara]

Massy, I'm not going to comment on the rights or wrongs of this incident, there are lots of posts on that.

 

I have a stepfather, and I felt the same as you at your age. I'm much older now, and we love each other very much. I prefer him to my mother a lot of the time!

 

Because it sounds a lot like your situation - not real abuse, but minor clashes and irritations, which lead you to think you hate them - something you wouldn't think if it was your mother because you don't have the family ties that you have with her - he's expendable.

 

Is he a good man overall? Does he care for and support you? It's sad that your father isn't around. Over the years, if he's essentially a decent man, your stepfather will be the one to help you move, check your broken heating, fix your car, help you plan a wedding, take a grandfather role to your kids.

 

Don't ruin the future relationship for the sake of a few perfectly normal clashes.

[Owl]

If you can go out and get killed for your country...you're old enough to make your own decisions. The laws here are full of flaws and loopholes. In all other countries, there is one age you become an adult...be it 18 or 20. You can go to war, drink, marry etc. I'll never understand U.S. logic where you can go to war at 18, but not have a beer.

 

I agree. And, if you move out, join the military, and take on that adult role of being a soldier...you're demonstrating that you're an adult.

 

If you celebrate your 18th birthday, but remain at home with your parents still assuming all of the 'adult responsibilities' in your life...then no...you're not an adult.

 

ADULT isn't defined by age...it's defined by actions, responsibiilties, and accountabilities.

 

I've met 17 year olds who acted as adults...and I've met 30 year olds that do not.

 

OP's actions in her initial post didn't indicate that adult level of behavior/actions. Her subsequent posts have demonstrated much more adult like behavior.

[Owl]

Did this guy just say 18 isn't an adult? Good god man, talk about a lack of respect for some one just bexaaue they are young. 18 is an adult, in both the eyes of the law and the eyes of society. At 18 one is more than capable of being a responsible contributong member of society, provided that parental figures are not holding them back from personal growth by continuing to treat them like children, stunting their growth and insulting and disrespectig them because of their youth in the process.

 

 

At 18 I was out of then house with room mates, had a job, went to school. That sounds pretty.much like an adult to me.

 

I would agree. At 18...YOU were acting like an adult, and were apparently a contributing member of society.

 

Not every 18 year old IS one, although they may (theoretically) be capable of being/becoming one.

 

I stand by what I said. Just because someone is 17 on Monday and then 18 on Tuesday doesn't change who they are overnight.

 

I won't lose sleep if you disagree with me.