Friend whats to get to know me better, what do I do?

[Graciousgal]

I recently posted in another section that I'm having trouble moving on from a recent divorce, with which I am still struggling.

 

Just last week a friend of mine that I've known for many years within group settings asked me to lunch. (he also knows my ex) I said yes because we are friends, however for the past 20+ years we've always been out in a group setting. We've had one on one conversations, but we've never been anywhere that was just us. I went to lunch because we're are friends, but I was also curious as to why he was asking and I waited until lunch to find out. I asked straight out, "so what prompted this lunch?" he said "last we talked we both said we had spare time, so I thought why not go to lunch" I said okay and we ended up having nice conversation, etc. We both said we enjoyed it and should do again sometime.

 

Over the weekend he called and said he had a good time at lunch and wanted to be upfront with me about his intentions and needed to tell me. (He thought my question at lunch was diplomatic, but he knew what I was asking). He proceeded to basically say he is interested in me and wants to get to know me better. He thought it appropriate to let me know and I suppose gauge how I feel. He went on to say that honesty is really important to him and he thought to me. (which it is). My response was I don't know followed by I've always thought he was nice etc, but right now at this stage I'm just not sure about anything. I would hate to mislead him, but that being said I wouldn't mind getting to know him better as well, but I don't know. He said that he understood and my response what not unexpected and added there wouldn't be any pressure, no stress and no rush etc.

 

Since he knows my ex, I never really said what went wrong, I mentioned tidbits here and there, but I was always pretty careful. So while on the phone he said you can tell me as much as you want about it or as little. I chose the short version with highlights and basically said my ex really messed me up. So if you are up for finding more out about a mess, I'm up for learning more about you. It was a pretty heavy conversation. We ended the conversation with him asking me to lunch this week. For tomorrow actually and he would call to confrim.

 

My ex and I have a group of friends of which this man is a part of. After the divorce, I wouldn't say they sided with me, but they've spent more time with me,than him, but if they see him they are cordial etc. This man included. I am frightened to pursue anything this man, 1. Because if it didn't work. 2. I am very unsure of my feelings for him, if any. Right now I know he is a good guy, have always thought that, but 3. I have never thought of him as anything other then a friend/good guy. I don't know if we have anything in common other then our mutual friends.

 

We talked last night when he called to confirm the lunch date. He said the conversation the day before had been heavy, so he wanted to see if I was still up for lunch. I said I was, (basically because I already said I would go).

 

I've been thinking about this pretty much non stop and I'm very nervous. See in addition to have the same group of friends, this group (minus my ex) are all going on vacation within the next few weeks.

 

I definitely like this guy as a friend. I'm just not sure there is anything else there. I'm also not sure if I'm ready to find out or want to find out. I don't know if it's him or if any man asked me out right now.

 

Any guidance is most appreciated, I definitely don't want to mislead this guy or hurt him in anyway.