Hubby's Facebook friend posted risque photo

[atlg8r]

Maybe she just thinks it's tacky, akin (if not a little worse) than the other thread around here with the gay wondering why a girl finds his shirtless FB or OLD pics (can't remember which) off-putting. It's sort of tasteless, attention-seeking behavior. Then she might wonder why her husband has folks like this for friends.

 

It's more a matter of taste and judgment than it is about trust.

 

You hit the nail on the head. My ideal world would be one where all men were mature enough to know the difference between sexy/attractive and trashy/slutty and not be afraid of pointing out the difference. Haha.

[Javelin]

I definitely had this problem with my ex. I always felt like his female friends did not do a good job of respecting boundaries for someone who was in a relationship, and my ex never did a good job of enforcing the boundaries. Never cheated, but allowed what I considered excess flirtation that wasn't respectful of me. (Don't have nearly that situation now at all, thank God.)

 

Exactly what I was trying to get out of you!

 

Ahh, this isn't about your husband! This Facebook thing inadvertently brought back some old memories that still semi haunt you.

 

You are a good woman, and person. I think you should let it go! Sounds like you found a guy that IS able to set boundaries and make you feel secure. So why worry?

[notserene]

When you start going down the road of saying who you can and can't be friends with on facebook...

 

 

Well, that's just a door that I wouldn't ever step through.

 

It sounds like you have more of a problem with OP's reaction than her husband does.

[Keenly]

You hit the nail on the head. My ideal world would be one where all men were mature enough to know the difference between sexy/attractive and trashy/slutty and not be afraid of pointing out the difference. Haha.

 

Its men's fault that trashy women are trashy?

[GorillaTheater]

the gay wondering why a girl finds his shirtless FB or OLD pics (can't remember which) off-putting.

 

"Guy". Heaven help those of us who don't take the time to proofread.

[GorillaTheater]

Its men's fault that trashy women are trashy?

 

Nope. But what he can control is who gets an opportunity to be trashy around him. At least after the first time it happens.

 

I don't think it's a big deal, but I get where the OP is coming from. Would I support her giving her husband an ultimatum? Get rid of this broad or find your stuff piled by the street? Nope, but I bet she hopes her husband has the judgment to make that call on his own.

[atlg8r]

Its men's fault that trashy women are trashy?

 

I'm feeling like you are trying to pick a fight with someone here, but I'll indulge you on this one. No, it's not "men's fault" that some women are trashy. But I would love if more men had the honor not to ogle at the ones who are and not encourage their trashiness.

[Javelin]

Its men's fault that trashy women are trashy?

 

Men are to blame for most things, when you learn this you will ascend my child.

[Keenly]

I'm feeling like you are trying to pick a fight with someone here, but I'll indulge you on this one. No, it's not "men's fault" that some women are trashy. But I would love if more men had the honor not to ogle at the ones who are and not encourage their trashiness.

 

I'm just trying to follow the logic of this situation.

 

I don't understand the various branches this situation would fork off I to. This is how I see it .

 

Either :

 

You ignore it because its not that big of a deal, and your husband has no control over what other people ppost.

 

 

You demand he remove her, thus asserting a controlling demand.

 

 

You guilt him into removing her, which isn't quite the same as the previous.

 

 

You stealthily remove her yourself.

 

 

 

 

I just see it as letting another person affect the relationship between you and your husband, which should be a lot more difficult to do than the posting of a picture.

 

 

Sure, the chick is a little attention whorey, but what does that have to do with you and your husband?

 

 

Are we moving the goal post here, or are we just talking about stupid thongs people post on Facebook.

 

 

In the meanwhile, is she attractive?

[MidwestUSA]

 

Are we moving the goal post here, or are we just talking about stupid thongs people post on Facebook.

 

 

 

Yea, those are annoying too!

[GorillaTheater]

or are we just talking about stupid thongs people post on Facebook.

 

One of those Freudian typos.

[Haydn]

Gorilla, take those pictures down pronto. Nice torso but the pastel speedo`s....

[GorillaTheater]

Gorilla, take those pictures down pronto. Nice torso but the pastel speedo`s....

 

 

I have the most boring FB page on earth, unless you like pics of my kids.

[Haydn]

Nothing boring about you. Keep the Speedo`s, i will just imagine they are deep red.

[No Limit]

Quite a joke when people do stuff like that. On the other hand, I'll shamefully admit that in a locked group, a guy sent a picture of his ex naked (she sent it to him to make him jealous, lol!) and we pretty much denounced her. A few sent animal pictures to compare.

 

If you're still feeling weird, ask to look at her wall and if you see that nudes is all she posts, maybe ask your husband to delete her. Women like that bring only trouble anyway. On the other hand, be aware that you might miss out on amazing Facebook arguments on her profile.

[atlg8r]

I'm just trying to follow the logic of this situation.

 

I don't understand the various branches this situation would fork off I to. This is how I see it .

 

Either :

 

You ignore it because its not that big of a deal, and your husband has no control over what other people ppost.

 

 

You demand he remove her, thus asserting a controlling demand.

 

 

You guilt him into removing her, which isn't quite the same as the previous.

 

 

You stealthily remove her yourself.

 

 

 

 

I just see it as letting another person affect the relationship between you and your husband, which should be a lot more difficult to do than the posting of a picture.

 

 

Sure, the chick is a little attention whorey, but what does that have to do with you and your husband?

 

 

Are we moving the goal post here, or are we just talking about stupid thongs people post on Facebook.

 

 

In the meanwhile, is she attractive?

 

You posted four options, but I guess I'm using a fifth - trying to rationally and logically discuss the situation to learn what exactly I want to do about it, if anything, and what specifically about it bothered me. I think the issue is more my high standards and disapproval for women who post photos like that (acting slutty or trashy) and hoping that more people will share my high standards, including my H.

 

With my H, I do NOT feel the need to examine everything he does when I'm not around. (This is new and different for me, because I have never felt that secure with any other relationship.)

 

It did bring up some old irritants from my past relationship, but I obviously don't want to saddle those on my H who hasn't done anything wrong or ever given me a reason to distrust him.

 

To answer your question, I didn't see anything other than the semi-nude photo that didn't include her head/face. So I'm not sure I can fairly answer the question of if she is attractive or not.

 

I think the problem is my H is such a nice person that he adds anyone he's ever known in time as a Facebook friend, and the area he grew up in wasn't the greatest, so he ends up with a lot of FB friends who have not grown into adults with the best character. Lots of his friends ended up dead, in jail, single parents with kids from multiple people, etc.

 

I guess I can't fault him for that, and he is just "staying in touch" with people he went to school with or grew up in his neighborhood. He doesn't actively converse with most of them or anything.

 

To somewhat resolve, I think I feel like unless something else similar happens again or I have other reason to be legitimately concerned, I won't worry about it.

[Javelin]

Let me add something real quick, and I'll be serious this time.

 

What bothers some, won't bother most.

 

I think a lot of your mental discomfort could have been alleviated earlier if you told your husband exactly how you feel about that picture. Keep in mind, to avoid conflict you'd have to reiterate that YOU know that HE has no control over what other people post to Facebook. You may also want to explain to him, those type of pictures somehow rehash unwanted feelings of insecurity. I'm willing to bet that he probably doesn't know, however he probably noticed a subtle change in your mood after Saturday!

[atlg8r]

Let me add something real quick, and I'll be serious this time.

 

What bothers some, won't bother most.

 

I think a lot of your mental discomfort could have been alleviated earlier if you told your husband exactly how you feel about that picture. Keep in mind, to avoid conflict you'd have to reiterate that YOU know that HE has no control over what other people post to Facebook. You may also want to explain to him, those type of pictures somehow rehash unwanted feelings of insecurity. I'm willing to bet that he probably doesn't know, however he probably noticed a subtle change in your mood after Saturday!

 

How exactly do I say "I wish you didn't have Facebook friends that act like sluts" in a nice, non-confrontational way? LOL

 

And I don't want to demand that he remove certain people unless it's 100% warranted (but I think if it were that bad, he would remove the person on his own).

[melodymatters]

It sounds like you two are stable, healthy mature adults with a great relationship so first of all GOOD FOR YOU !

 

This sounds like such a non issue, I would defintely choose the "pick my battles" mentality and let it go.

 

I have the same issue in that my husband is completely trustworthy but he too grew up in a different social climate than I and his HS friends pretty much fit your descriptions above. I too get nauseated when I see bRiTnEie the self proclaimed "ghetto gangsta" ( from a small midwest town, lol) worrying more about her newest tattoo than the fact that it's on her neck and is the name of her third baby daddy !

 

BUT, I realize that he made the effort to escape that environment and me being disgusted can ( and has) come off as a value judgement on him and things he had no control over as a child.

 

This wouldn't worry me a bit and I fall high on the jealousy scale admittedly ! Only if she contacts him personally would I give it another thought .

 

Enjoy what sounds like a lovely marriage !

[atlg8r]

It sounds like you two are stable, healthy mature adults with a great relationship so first of all GOOD FOR YOU !

 

This sounds like such a non issue, I would defintely choose the "pick my battles" mentality and let it go.

 

I have the same issue in that my husband is completely trustworthy but he too grew up in a different social climate than I and his HS friends pretty much fit your descriptions above. I too get nauseated when I see bRiTnEie the self proclaimed "ghetto gangsta" ( from a small midwest town, lol) worrying more about her newest tattoo than the fact that it's on her neck and is the name of her third baby daddy !

 

BUT, I realize that he made the effort to escape that environment and me being disgusted can ( and has) come off as a value judgement on him and things he had no control over as a child.

 

This wouldn't worry me a bit and I fall high on the jealousy scale admittedly ! Only if she contacts him personally would I give it another thought .

 

Enjoy what sounds like a lovely marriage !

 

HAHA! Sounds like we married similar men. He and I both recently had a good laugh because one girl he knows was gushing over that thug in California where all the girls were saying how attractive his mug shot was. He posted something about women being sort of stupid for complaining there are no "good guys" but then going crazy over a criminal.....I think she blocked him.