hermit Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I'm going to keep this short and (maybe not so) sweet as I have posted on this issue in the past... My best friend of four years and I have been having an emotional affair of sorts over the past seven months. I ended up falling deeply for him. However, I kept holding back and keeping a distance because he had a girlfriend - there were moments where I had to stop things from getting physical between us. We also had a conversation about how important we are to each other, and how we don't want to jeopardize the friendship. We saw each other regularly about once a week and he chatted to me on skype almost daily. Only about three or four of those 100-200 conversations were initiated by me. They ranged from general chit chat, over philosophical conversations to more personal matters... A couple of weeks ago he split up with his girlfriend, and only a week later we ended up sleeping together. It was his last weekend in town as he was moving back home after finishing his degree. I did not pluck up the courage to confront him in person about what happened before he left as he kept chatting to me without bringing it up. He's now on the other side of the country. Although we still chat almost daily, it does feel like there's an elephant in the room. I find it very hard to broach the subject without being able to talk to him in person and in a context where we are only talking about our hobbies and interests (this has not always been the case, but seems to be the trend right now). The thing is, he is the man of my dreams, and I have never felt this way about anyone. I'm just desperately trying and failing to find a way to tell him this. I'm deeply regretting not seeing him before he left and am wondering if anyone here has dealt with a similar situation, and if so, how? Link to post Share on other sites
melodicintention Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Don't sleep with him again until there is an established relationship, as in he specifically asks you to be his girlfriend. You are totally in rebound territory and shouldn't make any further moves. Let him come back to you, and keep it light, no sex unless a commitment. And I would give him time anyways, if he just broke up with that girl. Move on and begin pursuing other guys/activities/hobbies and if he's really the one he will come find you. If not then you'd be already on the path toward healing if you move on now. In my experience, sleeping my guy friends is a fast path to loosing them as a friend. Now, sleeping with a committed boyfriend, totally different outcome. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Although we still chat almost daily, it does feel like there's an elephant in the room. ... The thing is, he is the man of my dreams, and I have never felt this way about anyone. I'm just desperately trying and failing to find a way to tell him this. Yes, I get it...and no, don't tell him all of that. Sometimes it helps to answer: "how would you advise a friend in this exact situation?" I think I might say that I'm having weird and mixed feelings since we had sex...and ask what are his thoughts, feelings, words-he-wants-to-say about it. I wouldn't just let the potential "man of my dreams" potentially slip away because I said and did nothing at all, though. Link to post Share on other sites
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