SoPeachy Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I suspect they my ex bf was emotionally abusive. I am not certain that's why I want some insight. There were a few things that he said to me that reminded me of my past bf of 8 years go who was definitely verbally and emotionally abusive. With my current ex, when we first started dating he said to me that I should cut my hair with a fringe style. I then said to him straight away not to tell me of how to wear my hair and he never spoke of it again. Sometimes when we go shopping he said that the clothes I pick are not very nice with sneer on his face. That reminded me of my first ex who used to tell me what I should wear. I am not sure if I was letting my bad past affect our relationship so I was picking on and got upset over little things that is probably normal in relationships. You know how relationships have ups and down. With my current ex, I moved in with him and throughout the relationship he likes to withold his affection, no cuddling, no touching, he never goes to bed the same time as me as he prefers to watch tv until late. However, we would still have sex and he does cuddle me after sex. When I brought up affection issue he said he loves me but he is not the type of person who is good at showing it. I believe action speaks louder than words. I felt that I was alone in the relationship most of the time. I didn't understand him, and I tried to be understanding but couldn't quite work out what he is all about. I just felt lonely and neglected and sometimes I cry alone because I felt he didn't care and also cry because I was thinking maybe I was too insecure as a person and felt sorry for myself for being needy and insecure. There was also an occasion when we went shopping on my birthday, we went into Gap and when we came out I realised that I left a shopping bag in there so I quickly went to get it and told my bf to wait outside the shop. When I came out with the bag half a minute later, he had an angry and annoyed impression on his face but I was making a joke out of it saying oops, almost lost it and smiled. He was not smiling or anything, he looked annoyed and said 'I wonder where your head is sometimes, last time you forgot your iPod in the gym now you forgot again, you keep forgetting things' I don't remember exactly what he said more but I was not happy with the attitude. I read a lot a about emotional and verbal abusive relationships just to get some more knowledge and only 2-3 things that he does that matches the traits that are listed on the traits of emotional and verbal abusive people. The real sign was he withold affection most of the time and sometimes makes me feel guilty or sulk if I don't do certain things he wants me to do. I probably shouldn't be asking all these questions because I already broke it off with him but for the sake of my future relationship, I want to know if I was overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I want to know if I was overreacting? You're probably going to think I am being verbally or emotionally abusive with this answer, but I'm saying it anyway: Yes. It's like you want to be a victim and look at every encounter as an opportunity. Its kind of sad. Really makes me want to know what the heinous things your 8 year prior boyfriend did that you classify as abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoPeachy Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 That's fine, I appreciate your answer. I'm asking because I don't want to think I'm the ''victim''. It's just that I told some friends about what happened in my relationship and 1 or 2 said oh that's emotional abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 (edited) His actions don't sound abusive to me. He probably just wasn't a good match for you. Lots of people have problems showing affection but lots don't. If displays of affection are important to you then you should probably keep your eyes out for a guy that is affectionate. I'm big on showing affection and all of my boyfriends have been very affectionate. The other stuff, like making a suggestion about a hair style he would like to see on you or getting mildly annoyed at having to wait for you to go back and get an item you forgot behind don't seem like huge deals to me. Not saying he was right to do those things but they seem mild to me. Nobody is perfect and I'm sure he could had some complaints about you too. Edited July 14, 2014 by anika99 spacing Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 You can't really believe your friends right now, they are being good friends and telling you what you want/need to hear. You just ended a relationship with someone and they are being supportive by telling you that it being over is the right thing. You gave them an example of a situation that you didn't like and they jumped on it and supported you. Anything they say right now you have to take with a grain of salt. Be sure to keep that in mind and don't hold anything they say now against them later if you get back together with this guy. If you get back with him don't bring up the fact that these friends said he sounded emotionally/verbally abusive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 He sounds controlling rude and insensitive. I would not call it abuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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