Red123 Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I'm curious how many others post A are having or had a hard time adjusting to the new ways of thinking and feeling, whether in R or if you have left your WS. I am still struggling with no longer feeling safe with my H after his A. He is doing the work to rebuild trust but I am not there yet. In other ways I am moving forward but in this area it's a slow go. Does anyone else want to share how they are adjusting to the ways of thinking and feeling in their lives? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Hi friend! I am 18 months past dday and yes, it is difficult to get feeling OK about the "new me". There is a big of a cloud that hangs over me no matter what-even in my best of times, its there-its not really depression just a little bit of grey that sits in the back of my head- I have lots of positive changes- got totally addicted to yoga/pilates- my husband and I have taken up cooking together and its a blast-but even on those nights when we are laughing and smiling and cooking, its there- I am unsure if this feeling is causing you to second guess reconciliation or not- I know about the one year mark it did for me-but I realized that the feeling would be there no matter what- leaving wouldn't heal my scars so I have continued with R- Its a long, tough, totally unfair road but its the path our spouses put us on with their selfish behaviors- Sorry to be a downer-just responding honestly to your question- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snappytomcat Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 hi red yes at fisrt it was really hard,especially since I was never a jealous person,my self estemm was very good,but after I was really jealous,even if he was just talking to the waitress,ugh I hated myself,cause this wasn't me at all,finally though im feeling myself again. I had to just let go of the past,i wont ever forget it,but I couldn't keep dwelling on it either,it wasn't doing anyone any good,even my pets knew I wasn't myself I pray for continue healing for you,and you will get there eventually,cause I never thought I would 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red123 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 Hi friend! I am 18 months past dday and yes, it is difficult to get feeling OK about the "new me". There is a big of a cloud that hangs over me no matter what-even in my best of times, its there-its not really depression just a little bit of grey that sits in the back of my head- I have lots of positive changes- got totally addicted to yoga/pilates- my husband and I have taken up cooking together and its a blast-but even on those nights when we are laughing and smiling and cooking, its there- I am unsure if this feeling is causing you to second guess reconciliation or not- I know about the one year mark it did for me-but I realized that the feeling would be there no matter what- leaving wouldn't heal my scars so I have continued with R- Its a long, tough, totally unfair road but its the path our spouses put us on with their selfish behaviors- Sorry to be a downer-just responding honestly to your question- I don't think your a downer, reality is reality. Thanks for your response. I too have that cloud everyday. It's like we are having a great time and I am enjoying being with him, then my mind reminds me, don't forget what he's done. It really sucks. I won't say that I am reconsidering R, it's more like I still fear that the cloud will never go away and I will always feel unsafe. Day by day I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red123 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 hi red yes at fisrt it was really hard,especially since I was never a jealous person,my self estemm was very good,but after I was really jealous,even if he was just talking to the waitress,ugh I hated myself,cause this wasn't me at all,finally though im feeling myself again. I had to just let go of the past,i wont ever forget it,but I couldn't keep dwelling on it either,it wasn't doing anyone any good,even my pets knew I wasn't myself I pray for continue healing for you,and you will get there eventually,cause I never thought I would Thanks. Your words of encouragement and how far you've come are good for hope for those of us wanting to make it through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 What you are feeling is normal. Over time you begin to appreciate what your H is doing and slowly the walls come down. You will feel safe again. We are 19 months out after DDay and I am in love again. Took some time but I got there. If you both are committed to making this work and doing the work, it will all be ok. Good luck to you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red123 Posted July 15, 2014 Author Share Posted July 15, 2014 Thanks. Fingers crossed I get where you are. Working on it:) Link to post Share on other sites
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