His closeness to lady friends

[Carol]

We are married

 

He has a lady friend who was raped when she was small and

 

regularly leans on him for comfort and support

 

I will only be meeting her on Thursday night

 

I am nervous to be in their company because

 

they have discussed her fear for sex and men

 

He has tried over 5 years to be close to her

 

and show her men are not so bad and tried to

 

hold her hand arm around her and kissing her

 

on forehead taking her away for friendship

 

weekends telling her he loves her

 

He said he knows she needs all this affection

 

I told him I am nervous to be in their company

 

because of how protective he feels over her and even

 

suggested he will ask her one night to sleep over

 

even if I am overseas, on the couch or she can

 

take our bed and he on the couch, providing

 

her with a shower food night gown

 

I felt a little left out

 

He said he will help her whether I liked it

 

or not and would visit or phone her

 

if he wanted to and she is a nice girl

 

Please give me advice on my insecurity

 

It caused two rows already between us when

 

I tried to explain my anxiety of her coming

 

here and he would say I am talking nonsense

 

and I would end up going to bed on my own

 

with him asking me to come back

 

He talks sex (in a joke) to this lady at work

 

and used to post her pornographic material,

 

posting it to her home and work address to

 

make sure she gets it (she asked him for sex

 

2 years ago)

 

He also used to have this married lady friend

 

who he used to fuss and hug kiss and whispher

 

and she would visit and in my company put her

 

hand on his on his knee and not bother about me

 

We have not seen her since because I walked out

 

of their company leaving them in privacy

 

Any comments?

[Tony T]

I think your husband is extremely disrepectful to you and his marriage.

 

This thing with his friend who got raped has gone way overboard. After five years, he has become a codependent in this situation and is not serving her well at all. She needs counselling or pyschotherapy...not for your husband to be kissing and hugging all over her. That's just plain nuts.

 

I think his involvement with the lady who was raped and all the others goes way beyond friendship. If your guy was this way before you got married, then you accepted this and will have to somehow work to modify it.

 

If he became this way after you got married and he says he's unwilling to change, I strongly suggest you find another husband.

 

Having a lady, any lady who is not a relative of his, stay at your home overnight while you are out of the country, is way out of line.

 

You have real grounds to be upset about this. This is a pretty sick situation. Were there any details you left out of your post that we should know about?

[ashesmum]

No respect! This dog has no respect for you. If you meant anything he would understand where you're coming from. And I think you have a right to feel the way you are. I had a friend in almost a same situation, everyone told her he was foolin around, but she was stupid and ignored it. They split up after another year. He was married the next year to this "good" friend. Tell him no cootchy coo and no flirtin and foolin around with other women. It makes you look stupid when he does it. And if you really think something is going on, why not set up a camera in the bedroom and living room where he can't see them. Say you're going out of town for a while for something, find out what happens. Just start standing up for yourself otherwise you deserve to being shoved down. Good luck.

We are married He has a lady friend who was raped when she was small and regularly leans on him for comfort and support

 

I will only be meeting her on Thursday night

 

I am nervous to be in their company because

 

they have discussed her fear for sex and men He has tried over 5 years to be close to her and show her men are not so bad and tried to hold her hand arm around her and kissing her on forehead taking her away for friendship

 

weekends telling her he loves her He said he knows she needs all this affection

 

I told him I am nervous to be in their company

 

because of how protective he feels over her and even suggested he will ask her one night to sleep over even if I am overseas, on the couch or she can take our bed and he on the couch, providing

 

her with a shower food night gown I felt a little left out He said he will help her whether I liked it or not and would visit or phone her if he wanted to and she is a nice girl Please give me advice on my insecurity It caused two rows already between us when

 

I tried to explain my anxiety of her coming

 

here and he would say I am talking nonsense

 

and I would end up going to bed on my own

 

with him asking me to come back He talks sex (in a joke) to this lady at work and used to post her pornographic material,

 

posting it to her home and work address to

 

make sure she gets it (she asked him for sex 2 years ago) He also used to have this married lady friend

 

who he used to fuss and hug kiss and whispher

 

and she would visit and in my company put her hand on his on his knee and not bother about me We have not seen her since because I walked out of their company leaving them in privacy

 

Any comments?

[Carol]

Thanks for your support

 

I really appreciate it

 

He even shouted at me (not too loudly) about

 

her sleeping over and now says SHE NEVER

 

HAS AND NEVER WILL

 

Yes I feel it is way out of line

 

Ever since I have been here (3 months now)

 

we met on the internet and spoke for 4 months

 

she was only here with the wedding

 

(it is almost as if she is hiding something

 

or is shy to be friends in front of me)

 

I tried to tell him of my insecure feelings

 

but all he says is I do not understand it

 

It is his behaviour with her he has spoken

 

about and I cannot understand his fierce

 

defending behaviour even if I mention

 

her name He gets extremely defensive and

 

says I will help her whether you like it

 

or not

 

I really feel left out

 

He had a lady friend also and he used to play

 

with her when he leaves her house eg

 

kissing on the neck hugging if it was not

 

for your husband I would marry you and

 

mmmmwwwwoooaaa audible kissing pushing

 

her with his stomach in the passage trapping

 

her at the front door (this is when I was

 

still newly here) and the first time she visited

 

he said to me don't be jealous I am going to give

 

her a big kiss

 

Apparently she used to sit with him and hold

 

his hand and I do not know what else and her

 

husband did nothing about it(he always said

 

if it is not sex it is ok)

 

My husband told me how he jokes with this lady

 

at work saying Oh your hair is ruffled

 

you could not have slept alone last night

 

come on and he talks sex with her and tells

 

me it is just fun

 

This very lady asked him for sex 2 years ago

 

He always says "she is too old for me"

 

He mentioned her name last night and I wanted

 

to say to him why don;t you invite her around

 

but I do not know if my willingness to test

 

their relationship and having them both in front

 

of me will be a good idea

 

I felt it would because she could get to see and

 

hear me and he could also and perhaps he and

 

her would have more respect for me

 

Thanks for hearing me out

 

I wish I could get him to see my view

 

of things

 

Perhaps this girl who was raped coming here

 

on thursday night will be a changed relationship

 

because I am present and I hope he will not

 

put me down a little by fussing all over her

 

like he has described his need to

 

Thanks once again

I think your husband is extremely disrepectful to you and his marriage. This thing with his friend who got raped has gone way overboard. After five years, he has become a codependent in this situation and is not serving her well at all. She needs counselling or pyschotherapy...not for your husband to be kissing and hugging all over her. That's just plain nuts. I think his involvement with the lady who was raped and all the others goes way beyond friendship. If your guy was this way before you got married, then you accepted this and will have to somehow work to modify it. If he became this way after you got married and he says he's unwilling to change, I strongly suggest you find another husband. Having a lady, any lady who is not a relative of his, stay at your home overnight while you are out of the country, is way out of line. You have real grounds to be upset about this. This is a pretty sick situation. Were there any details you left out of your post that we should know about?

[Carol]

I agree

 

I feel that he should have more respect for me

 

Perhaps when she visits on thursday night

 

their intense attraction will change because I am

 

present

 

It will be the first time that I see them together

 

because she was only with the wedding

 

It sounds like she was codependent on him

 

This will certainly change while I am around

 

He talks sex talk to this woman at work and teases

 

her and I am thinking of asking him to invite her

 

around so that she can meet me and I can

 

see her face to face and him and her in my company

 

and he can perhaps get a different feeling about

 

the relationship between him and her

 

He seems to think when there is no sex between

 

him and a lady he can do almost anything

 

Thanks for supporting me

 

I really need it

No respect! This dog has no respect for you. If you meant anything he would understand where you're coming from. And I think you have a right to feel the way you are. I had a friend in almost a same situation, everyone told her he was foolin around, but she was stupid and ignored it. They split up after another year. He was married the next year to this "good" friend. Tell him no cootchy coo and no flirtin and foolin around with other women. It makes you look stupid when he does it. And if you really think something is going on, why not set up a camera in the bedroom and living room where he can't see them. Say you're going out of town for a while for something, find out what happens. Just start standing up for yourself otherwise you deserve to being shoved down. Good luck.

[Carol]

He knew this lady way long before me

 

Tony, why would he go with her away on

 

a weekend to a virtually deserted

 

beach and share a house with her

 

Do you think he perhaps had hopes

 

of her forgetting everything and perhaps

 

sharing herself with him

 

He said that they had seperate showers and beds

 

and if she did not want sex OK for him

 

He seems so fiercely protective over her

 

and I cannot even mention her name and

 

he sees red

 

Thanks for your support

 

I hope you will write again

I think your husband is extremely disrepectful to you and his marriage. This thing with his friend who got raped has gone way overboard. After five years, he has become a codependent in this situation and is not serving her well at all. She needs counselling or pyschotherapy...not for your husband to be kissing and hugging all over her. That's just plain nuts. I think his involvement with the lady who was raped and all the others goes way beyond friendship. If your guy was this way before you got married, then you accepted this and will have to somehow work to modify it. If he became this way after you got married and he says he's unwilling to change, I strongly suggest you find another husband. Having a lady, any lady who is not a relative of his, stay at your home overnight while you are out of the country, is way out of line. You have real grounds to be upset about this. This is a pretty sick situation. Were there any details you left out of your post that we should know about?