daisy1234 Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 (edited) Hi, I'm new here and too embarrassed to involve my friends and family or ask them for advice or a separate view on what is happening in my relationship. My boyfriend and I are both 25, we have been together for 4 years now. I am technically not officially moved out of my parents ( because it is close to school) - But for the most part my boyfriend invites me to stay with him 90% of the time. We spend basically every night in the same bed. His job keeps him very busy during the summers, so it is easier for me to basically live with him in the summer months. Come next spring, we will be looking for a place that we'll call our official home. Things between us are good, we argue and fight occasionally as to be expected but things are always resolved, we had never fought over anything major until last Christmas - we were going through a bit of a rough patch - I could feel him pulling away and as my paranoia about being left got worse, he pulled away even further. We decided we would either end things or work though the rough patch if we felt it was worth it - and we ended up booking a caribbean vacation 3 days later and had the best week of our lives. I had never felt closer to him. He is very sweet with me, tells me I am the love of his life and that he is never going anywhere... tells me he loves me more than anything and he gives up most if not all of his free time to spend time with me - even when it is not most convenient. In may, I noticed he was sending messages to a younger(19 yr old) girl that he works with. I asked him about it but he got angry I looked at his history and that i didn't trust him. I felt really bad for looking because I had no reason to and that was that. Well a few days later a fb notification popped up on the home screen of his phone - it was her again and I told him I didn't feel comfortable with him chatting to this girl so much out side of work. He has now gone out of his way to conceal the fact he talks with her - I have tried my best to trust and not go snooping so I cannot say for sure how often he talks to her but I can say in the last 3 weeks I have caught it about 3 times. I don't know if she is contacting him or vice versa, but either way he is concealing something he knows bothers me. I also don't know what they are discussing because he just deletes the thread. Other than that He is more loving than ever, always around, promises that Im the only girl in the world for him. So why hide talking to a younger female coworker? I was cheated on in a past relationship so this all makes me very uncomfortable. I'm scared to be honest of hurting again. If he told me they were friends I could handle that, I'd prefer that to the sneaking. But why sneak if you don't have anything to hide? Do you think its possible my Boyfriend is genuine about his feelings and future with me? If so do you think I should be overly worried in this situation or should I just keep on with my life and not pay any attention to this girl. Ps. On fb, he has his relationship public, his dp is of the two of us and it is very obvious by looking through his timeline that he is in a long term relationship. Very recent happy pictures as well. What do I do? Feeling confused and hurt. I love this man more than anything and cannot bear the thought of losing him Edited July 15, 2014 by daisy1234 Link to post Share on other sites
WhiskeyJack Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 I'm really sorry your going through something like this. While I personally find it perfectly fine to have friends of the opposite sex, I don't agree with hiding it or deleting the messages (Unless he deletes all his messages to male and female friends). Hiding/deleting it usually means 1) You have something to hide (Obviously) 2) You feel guilty about whats being said. Relationships need to be built on trust. The fact that you have gone to snooping means that the trust is already a little broken. What I would suggest is to sit down and have a talk with him, not an argument or anything, and just ask him why he feels the need to hide/delete these messages. If after the convo you feel uneasy or still question it, then trust your gut and take a step back. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't hide it. If there's nothing dodgy in there, why would he delete it? We've heard every excuse in the book for that behaviour but it's always just a pathetic cover-up, every single time. The best defence is a good offence. So when you busted him he went on the attack, rather than telling you about the messages he started to blame-shift and attack your lack of trust. Sure you didn't trust him because HE IS NOT TRUSTWORTHY. Trustworthy people do not hide/delete messages from other members of the opposite sex. Sorry but he is playing you for a fool. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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