Girl I like wants to be 'friends for the moment'. How do I ask her out later on?

[alex9267]

I met a girl I really like through a mutual friend a few nights ago and, after a few drinks, we were french-kissing for most the night. That's a rare thing for me in itself. The thing is I found out after that she broke up with her ex of around 7 months 3 weeks ago, and she's not ready to get into a relationship and says she wants to be friends for the moment.

 

Talking to my friend, he said she really liked me too and that he reckoned she'd want to get together after a while, so to stay friends with her, be patient, and help her through until then. It's not that I don't like being friends with her, it's just I'm worried that if I become too good a friend to her, then it'll be too awkward to ask her out later on and she might not want to risk our friendship.

 

I really like this girl, and this sort of thing doesn't happen to me often at all, so I don't want to mess this up by rushing it or anything. If anyone's got any advice about how to know if she's ready or about how good friends to become, and how I should go about asking her out when the time's right? Please, anything you can say could be useful

 

Thanks very much

[fundamental]

I would be friendly with her but not her "friend." Maybe she is just looking to have a FWB thing. If you want more, then you definitely better hook up with her sooner than later.... because if you don't, you will always be a "friend" and nothing more.

[XsilentlyX]

Wow Alex, sound like we're almost in the same predicament excpet my friend is the guy. His gf broke up with him 4 weeks ago and I also know he's not ready for a relationship. Read my thread beneath this one and you'll get the full story. All I think we can do is wait, time will tell. What's meant to be will be. In the meantime, let her know soon how you feel about her but don't pressure her with relationship talk.

[greeneyedgirl23]

I think that she is probably still transitioning from the break-up. Does she stay in touch with her ex? Is there any possibility they may end up back together? If not, the you are doing the right thing by respecting the fact that she wants to stay friends for now. You could get to know her for a little while, and before you feel like you are not moving forward romantically, you could let her know how you feel about her. It sounds like she is interested considering how you were kissing that night! go for it!

[LucreziaBorgia]

The only way you will prevent yourself from being thrust into that relationship purgatory called 'just friends' is to not get yourself into it. Make it perfectly clear that being 'just friends' is not your intention.

 

Tell her that you enjoy her company, attracted to her and like being with her - but that you are not interested in being the 'friend guy', and then keep your (friendly) distance. If you allow yourself to 'be there for her' and 'be her friend', then you are giving her the impression that 'just friends' is OK with you, otherwise you wouldn't be there. I'm not saying 'be unfriendly', but there is a huge difference in 'being friendly' and 'being friends'. Women like the chase, too - the thrill of conquest, wanting something you can't have, all that good stuff. Sort of hard to chase a guy who is waiting patiently by your feet.

 

This means no more "oops, we kissed but we are 'just friends'" situations. Don't read too much into situations like that. She could have just missed the erotic potential of kissing, and you happened to be the first available guy to temporarily fit the bill. There must have been some faint potential, because she gave you the impression that you were 'back burner' material in case she changes her mind. Unless you want to be the 'back burner' guy waiting around to see if she's going to date you, you'll have to stand your ground and keep a friendly distance.

 

Yeah, yeah.. she just broke up, she's confused, she doesn't know what she wants... and there is no better way to clear up confusion by not complicating things with "false friendships" (ie: unrequited love posing as friendship with the blind hope that one day it might be 'more').

 

If you really want to be friends, though - then jump right on in and be 'friends', but be aware that once you are in that category it will be very, very difficult if not impossible to get out of. Sometimes 'just friends' can become more - but only if it is a genuine and sincere friendship and not a matter of "saying we are friends as a way of keeping you at a comfortable distance". You'll have to judge for yourself if this girl really and truly wants to be your friend, or if she just told you that to get you to back off.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by alex9267

Talking to my friend, he said she really liked me too and that he reckoned she'd want to get together after a while, so to stay friends with her, be patient, and help her through until then.

 

if u do the above it will be the kiss of death. once you become "freinds" you are screwed.

 

make her an acquaintance which means talking with her or seeing her once or twice per month. that way you still show your interest but also don't become too close with her.

 

in the meantime chase other women. if this one sees you with another chick she may all of a sudden become real interested.

 

funny how women, work is it not??

[whichwayisup]

funny how women, work is it not??

 

Hmmfff, lol, and men too!

 

I really like this girl, and this sort of thing doesn't happen to me often at all, so I don't want to mess this up by rushing it or anything. If anyone's got any advice about how to know if she's ready or about how good friends to become, and how I should go about asking her out when the time's right? Please, anything you can say could be useful

 

Alex, be as honest with her as you can. This is ME and how I would handle this situation...But I would put it out there and just tell her "I'm not going to be your rebound guy, I really DO like you, but obviously it's too soon for you to jump into anything serious right now. When you are ready call me, because I think we have something."

 

Then walk away and let her think about it. OK, pot shots I know by Alpha et al, I expect...

[alphamale]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

...But I would put it out there and just tell her "I'm not going to be your rebound guy, I really DO like you, but obviously it's too soon for you to jump into anything serious right now. When you are ready call me, because I think we have something."

 

well WWIU, i must disagree w/ you a 2nd time today. I will be 100 times better for him to say and do NOTHING. If he says the above he looks like a pathetic lapdog that will sit around and wait for her until time ends and IN ADDITION he puts the ball in her court which is way bad.

 

"Oh yeah call me when you're ready, i'll be waiting around for you 4ever, you're so wonderful and beautiful. I'll be here for you, i promise......" blah blah blah.

 

Many times in life saying and doing nothing is the best course of action available.

[whichwayisup]

"Oh yeah call me when you're ready, i'll be waiting around for you 4ever, you're so wonderful and beautiful. I'll be here for you, i promise......" blah blah blah.

 

Yeah you're running with it abit much...

 

"I'm not going to be your rebound guy, I really DO like you, but obviously it's too soon for you to jump into anything serious right now. When you are ready call me, because I think we have something."

 

Then walk away and let her think about it

 

 

What I meant though is why should he NOT tell her...I mean if one really finds another special and has feelings and they think that something is there, I believe on putting it out there, be upfront! I didn't mean it to sound like the guy should 'wait' on her forever...I think he honestly could give her a chance to figure out her feelings, that's all. And saying not a rebound guy is kinda telling her he's NOT GONNA BE one...

 

The think about it and walk away bit, well, that is up to him to decide how long he wants to wait and see. Everybody's different and we all know when to say "enough" and shut the door.

 

HMMM, 2x in one day eh...lol...Let's see if we can go for 3rd...

[alphamale]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

I didn't mean it to sound like the guy should 'wait' on her forever...I think he honestly could give her a chance to figure out her feelings, that's all.

 

it may take her 4 wks to "figure out" her feelings or 4 yrs...who knows?

[whichwayisup]

it may take her 4 wks to "figure out" her feelings or 4 yrs...who knows?

 

NOONE is gonna wait 4 years, but 4 weeks is not a long time...If I was single and met a guy I really liked, and he showed some interest yet needed some time to think things through I'd wait a month...But I also would be communicating in between so I know I'm not wasting my time...

[moimeme]

Women like the chase, too - the thrill of conquest, wanting something you can't have, all that good stuff. Sort of hard to chase a guy who is waiting patiently by your feet.

 

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Please. If you *must* weigh in, don't speak for everybody. I suppose some women like 'a challenge' and 'the thrill of the chase'. I haven't got one female friend who does, however. None of us has patience with that sort of foolishness.

 

If you really want to be friends, though - then jump right on in and be 'friends', but be aware that once you are in that category it will be very, very difficult if not impossible to get out of. Sometimes 'just friends' can become more - but only if it is a genuine and sincere friendship and not a matter of "saying we are friends as a way of keeping you at a comfortable distance". You'll have to judge for yourself if this girl really and truly wants to be your friend, or if she just told you that to get you to back off.

 

Agree, however she is, I think, being wise. She knows she's in danger of making him 'rebound guy' so she asked him to wait for a bit until she's got her head together. Kudos to her - she sounds sensible.

[alex9267]

Wow wasn't expecting that many replies!

 

Thanks guys/gals, I'm not really much of a player so this has been really helpful

It's pretty much what I've been doing, not being too much of a friend but talking online/texting, etc, but nice to know I'm along the right lines.