I was the OW

[Bailey621]

I was in a relationship with a MM for 2 1/2 years. It was also a LDR, so it was doubly difficult. I finally ended it 1 1/2 years ago. The only contact I had with him after that was a birthday email from him last year. I didn't even wish him a happy birthday on his b-day. I was very surprised when I got another birthday email from him this year too. His emails were not lovey dovey but they were very nice. This time we exchanged a few emails back and forth and decided to keep in touch from time to time, which makes me happy. We both know we will never see each other again, but he was the best friend I ever had. I am totally ok with and am accepting of how we left things. So, even though the relationship is over, it's nice to know that he is not totally gone from my life. It's an extremely hard type of relationship to be in and I will never get myself in one again. I'm much happier now that I am with a man who a single and we can be seen out in public

[carhill]

So, respecting that this chapter with fMM is closed and you apparently have a wonderful new chapter opening with this single man, a circumstance which I dealt with while dating the lady who became my wife came to mind:

 

In passing, she'd write, or mention, e-mails to her ex-H, whom she hadn't been married to for a few years at that point. During our dating, she introduced me to him (good guy! in my estimation) and we interacted a couple times. They rarely had contact and it was mainly about the dog they had shared while married, which he still had.

 

In your circumstances, how will similar interactions go for you and fMM and your new BF? Since fMM is now evidently a pen pal, LC with him shouldn't be an issue as things progress with the new guy. IMO, treat him like any other male friend. Ha, I just remembered I proposed to my wife at the house of a high school boyfriend of hers; he was long married and had a lovely daughter at that point.

 

The moral of the story is transparency. How will you handle that? FTR, I'm a fMM and my exW divorced me largely due to that aspect. That experience taught a few lessons and I saw the value of transparency, even in a difficult and contentious situation.

 

Hope things work out with you and the new guy.

[MayP]

So, even though the relationship is over, it's nice to know that he is not totally gone from my life.

 

I am envious of the balance you strike with your exMM. Still caring towards each other, but understand that that person and you (good job!) will need to run parallel lives.

[sisa]

I was the OW too but still in the state that afriad to hear anything from exMM. we start NC two months ago, and during this time he sent me a mail and I think he was trying to be friend with me. I did not reply and this week I delete his number, email, skype, and facebook. I also plan to change my job becasue I just want to minimize all the probablity that he might pop up in my life. I did imagine he is dead so that I won't feel so sad about the fact that he don't choose me.

 

2 and 1/2 is not short so I think you did love your exMM in some level. how you get rid of the feelings for him finally. Is it becasue your current bf take your attension so you can forget the romantic feelings with exMM. Do you still get hard feelings when thinking about the time you with MM sometimes? your story do give me some hope that one day I can also get over it. I really afraid I cannot open the heart to another person again.

[Bailey621]

Yes he and I will remain friends only. I am happy for him that he is trying to work on his marriage. Sounds strange, I know. I do still love him and always will. He has a special place in my heart forever.

Who knows, maybe it will be another year before we have contact again. It is a comforting feeling knowing that he is still within reach, even if it is only in emails.

[Lostman5]

Your story is so nice to hear. I am a MM that is separated living together with kids. We have not been intimate for 7 years. I have dated a wonderful woman for 3years and she is sick of waiting for me to move out and divorce. I completely understand and now she says she needs to date others so she doesn't waste her 20's away.

 

What makes me happy to hear is that you have such a great remembrance of your relationship and that you still realize that you were best friends. I do think this may happen to us too and I can only hope for the same results. I won't try and work on marriage though, but I may lose GF. The marriage is not repairable. I will never love the wife again but do respect her as the mother of our children.

 

 

I hope I can provide the "movement" my GF is looking for before she falls in love with someone else , but worst case I hope we can remember each other the way you and your ex have. It's not all bad when two people can find love and friendship even under the worst circumstances.