Author me2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 These unanswered questions I was carrying from five years, and got them answered finally today, by her. Since I did not have answers before, I had to keep guessing and showed highly positive attitude towards her. Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 You really dont have obligation to pay for her. I think perhaps those who said she is using you is correct. What is the harm of stopping the money if she doesn't want anyone to know, she shouldn't say anything. If she threatens to you will see her true colors. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Please do not give her another penny. Her husband should support her and her baby. You should save your money to spend on you - and if you decide you want to - a new SINGLE woman who you can trust and love. In future, please remember that love doesn't lie, cheat or steal... And true love is freely given. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Share Posted July 17, 2014 (edited) I am now into mid thirties. I worry now how I would be able to get a good girl and whether at well above 30, she may have any pregnancy issues and also at 36 now whether I will have issues regarding sperm count etc. It has been 5 years with the married woman. Now I need to start all over again. But I have also lost precious 5 years. Countless good marriage proposals I turned down and due to this made my parents and relatives unhappy. I achieved nothing finally. Edited July 17, 2014 by me2014 restructuring Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 OP, if you've been turning down marriage proposals, that attraction doesn't go away. There will be others. This chapter of life's book is concluded. Turn the page and enjoy a whole lifetime of opportunities. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
changchewsoon Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 My friend, she has finally shown you her true colors. I'm sorry this had happened to you, but like what the other posters said it is time to close this chapter and move on. Nothing good can come out of this, if you have the courage to say goodbye life will reward you with a new hello. Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Share Posted July 18, 2014 (edited) Do such married women believe in short affairs? Is it likely that sometime after child birth my gf/mw will manage to enter in to a short affair with some one else? I was still happy all these months after she said she got pregnant by me. Since we had decided to raise the child together I would have been happy being with her and we had planned also that after 3-4 years we will have another child. But now after she revealed that the child is her husband's all that calmness I had is gone. If I want my first child only from her, I will need to wait for the next 3-4 years. Then I would have been older n she would have been older too. If she wanted to be with me, she would have found out ways. But now she has closed all doors on me. I have been asking her questions last 3-4 days, she did give answers and all that but she is also saying she is getting tension due to arguments. She said yesterday this stress may affect the child forever in its life. If she wanted to be with me she would have not told that she had sex with her husband before she came to me. But after that she confirmed that the child is actually his and she would know that this will make me keep away from her. Edited July 18, 2014 by me2014 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 She told me that she would not be having time for me in future after child birth like before. She told she will be there as moral support but may not be physically that close to me as many times per week as before, since she needs to take care of the child. That is one reason she said she wants me to get married. She however still seems to like me to take care of her child and herself. The terms she is laying down for me look insulting to me. She is walling my questions and I see that any discussion or questioning of her by me or any thoughts about her, makes me loose focus and makes me feel grief. I earlier used to share all the happenings of my life with her. Now I don't see any reason to do so. I prefer now not to share all those things with her and don't feel that she needs to know the happenings in my life, how ever positive or negative they may be. I prefer now not to respond to her chats(she is not talking on phone as per docs advice). I understand that slowly she will understand the reasons for that and will then just focus on her pregnancy and settle down to none of my interference. I believe giving her money would also be a way of communicating with her and hence would like to stop that as well. In few months she will give birth to her baby and then she will forget about the world and focus on just the baby for perhaps the next 2 years. By that time I too should have married some girl and fathered a couple of kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Author Share Posted August 2, 2014 (edited) ***Update to thread*** Hi, I had posted a thread prior to this. The current thread is a continuation to that. During my 5 year relationship with the married woman, I took care of her everything. Clothes, phone bills, medicines, doctor visits, beauty parlor visits, mobile phone, bags, sandals ,shoes, shopping for vegetables, books, ornaments etc...Also I used to transfer some fixed amount every month. I had to do this because she was dependent on me. She had issues with her husband and according to her in her first few years of married life her husband had not had sex with her. She almost had to plead with him and also had her mother's help in pressurizing him to think about trying for a baby seriously. These things may not be entirely true, but she said recently that before she turned pregnant, they were still having sex very rarely-once in two-three weeks. So because of my support, she could be dignified in front of her husband, I think. Since I was supporting her, she never had to plead with her husband for money or attention or sex or love - as all these things I was providing to her continuously. Hence she could always pose to her husband as a strong woman and probably she used me to ensure that she could get her desires fulfilled from me and hence appear as non desperate to her husband with regard to anything. But since we were together 5 days of a week and I was spending on her so much, I had begun to feel that she will decide one day to stay with me. But she becoming pregnant from her husband has provided the turning point. She has hinted in indirect words that things will never be same between us and she has told many times that me getting married to some one will be safe for her. Hence it is clear that we both have taken separate paths and we will never cross each others paths again. But what also comes to my mind is that I provided what ever she asked, thinking that one day she will decide to stay with me. Also another reason was to help her. With my support she could live a dignified life these 5 years, she got treated for her PCO , overcame her obesity problems by opting for swimming, zym, dance classes etc. So her overall life improved since I stood by her and I said no to nothing. I provided to her in total - in monetary equivalent , around 30% of what could have been my savings. Another 60% I have given to my parents over these years. So I have saved a meager amount for myself. It is another matter that I can still earn all this(ie 30% + 60%) in another 2 and half years with my current salary. My question is whether I should ask back from her all the money that I gave her? She obviously is not in a position to give it back. She still doesn't have a good understanding with her husband, so she may not ask her husband either. Currently she is having a low lying placenta and hence a bit complicated pregnancy. But she is however under doctor's observation and hence will have a successful delivery I believe. Hence I can't be bothering her during pregnancy. So shall I ask her the money after she gives birth and begins to take care of the baby. I believe that mostly she will say that she will try to repay me by trying for some job. She holds an automobile Eng degree. (I have seen her certificate). But is this ethical on part of me to think this way? Edited August 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 Nope. You gave it freely and you should now consider it an expensive lesson you learned. Close the door and move on. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 The story angers me. What a user. Tell her husband how much $$ she manipulated out of you. How you could ever even look at her again is beyond me. She has no respect for herself or you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
daisydook Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 My goodness. What a mess. No, you should not ask for money back you loved spending on her. At one point, it was everything you wanted and only wanted her to be happy and dignified. Please don't ask her to repay you. You were not loaning her money, ever. It was never too be paid back, and it was freely given. Just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Did the two of you have an agreement as to what you would receive in return for the money? If so, what was that agreement? If not, then you gave her money as a gift - on what basis could you ask for it back? Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Her husband never wondered how she afforded all the things you bought her?? This seems really far fetched. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 You definitely can ASK for the money back. But the chances of seeing it are slim. No court of law in the US (don't know your location) would ever order repayment of gifts if this nature unless you've got a way better argument (like contract, even if unwritten) then you've said here. When you paid that money and gave that merchandise, what was the contractual expectation? If any? Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Author Share Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) If her husband was concerned about what's going on, he could have found about us in just one single day. There were days when we spoke for 10 hours during nights and I used to hear once or twice on phone his one or two words to her. She says he is not bothered about what she does. In all these five years I have heard him calling her on mobile three times. Practically she bought everything with me, so doesn't look she ever shopped with him. She said once that once or twice in an year they shop that too things like groceries and only under some emergency when nobody else is available in house to do that shopping. When initially there was no practice of me spending anything on her, she used to wear few sets of clothes. Then after an year and half I observed her basically repeating three or four sets of clothes. I presumed she had exhausted all the money that she saved when she was still working. She began to ask me for helping with some money as her expenses kept mounting. She had to buy books etc. Even her sandals I used to see used to have stitches and used to look worn out. She began to add weight, which I thought was due to eating lot out of depression. Then one day which was two years after we had started dating, she called me for shopping. She was joyously shopping earrings, scarf, trying various things and looking at mirror. She looked like a kid in a candy shop and I understood that day that I had to take care of her. Basically she used to shop with me for daily wear, low cost ornaments, sandals when ever the old one got torn etc. i encouraged her to buy stylized clothes, make up kits, and make visits to beauty parlor, since I had observed she never took care of her looks and never went to a beauty parlor. And then she learnt she got PCO, she was nervous learning that and I too was nervous hearing to that. I promised her we would do anything to get her cured. I understood she wanted me to take a flat and I did. We began to meet there regularly. Meanwhile nothing was working for her PCO. Then doctor insisted she had to undergo lot of life style changes. She just told me that doctor had charted out plan for her. I told her to follow all that and would say to her that I would be transferring x amount of money to her account. She began to take me to doctors and temples and similarly I said u should enroll for swimming, zym, dance class etc as per doctors advice. So her expenses went up as she had to shop all over for the right fittings, shoes etc and also medicines and doctors fees. I wanted to make her feel wanted as I felt that would create the right environment inside her to get cured of PCO and generation of right kind of hormones. And she got cured of PCO. She got pregnant. I messaged her yesterday asking her all the money and messaged her saying that she had used and thrown me and all that serious stuff. She messaged back saying she would have died yesterday night if not for the child inside her. She began to bleed yesterday night and today she is in hospital. She has contacted a few consultancies over phone and querying for job. She wants to attend interviews. She is saying child is not in her mind right now but getting a job is very important for her as she has to repay my money. Problem is doctor has told her she shouldn't sit or stand for more than 10 mins at one place. Her husband? Well he is pressurized to meet her and he visits her once in 10 days, he stays at a distance less than half a kilometer though. Edited August 4, 2014 by me2014 sentence correction Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Call me cynical, but why did her "bleeding" and hospitalization follow right after you asking for your money back? Why are you in this "r/s"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Author Share Posted August 4, 2014 I kept digging at her via msgs for 5-6 hours(she is told not to use phone). She was not in a mood to sleep entire night. She is having low lying placenta and basically she shouldn't take stress as per doctor's advice. So stress can cause some complications to her pregnancy. Basically I shouldn't have asked about money and shouldn't have said those tough things to her. Her pregnancy is not the time to give her a piece of my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Share Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) This is 4th day of no contact. Its been hard, but I keep reminding myself that there is no use in expending any more words over her and no use either spending time in any manner over her. I have blocked her on phone, whatsapp. Any sort of even a small communication with her even if in a very minute manner, will only provide her the door to my mind and control it. So I should desist any sort of communication with her. Edited August 11, 2014 by me2014 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EasternStandard Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Nope. You gave it freely and you should now consider it an expensive lesson you learned. Close the door and move on. I agree with this. Might want to move somewhere else to forget about this person. Link to post Share on other sites
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