She's back! I am so sick of this!

[Mz. Pixie]

I've posted before about BF's crazy x gf. We haven't heard a word from her since she made a scene at the club and he told her not to contact him anymore.

 

Fast forward to Saturday. We were just getting out of the shower. He checks his cell. She has called. I said call her back. He said, No I am not going to. I said, well maybe she's calling about the money she owes you. He said okay. So, he calls her- she's wanting information that she knew he'd had but that she could have gotten herself. She asks how I am and he says great and then she slips in that she is seeing someone. She asks him to fax her the info, he does, and then she replies thanks.

 

Later that day she starts sending him forwards on e mails! He said he was so shocked that he really didn't know what to say to her but that next time if there was a next time he would again ask her not to contact him unless it was about repayment of the funds she owes him.

 

Why won't she just go quietly away? Everytime I'm in a secure place here she comes again. He says he loves me and that he wants to marry me. I asked him if he thought she would still be calling then and he said, "NO". It just stresses me out so bad when she calls. I have NEVER been the jealous type.

 

I think I hid it this time pretty well. I made some joke about it and moved on. Inside it's driving me crazy!

[Yikes]

What a nut-job!

 

Don't let her get to you, that type of behaviour is a total turn-off. If anything it re-enforces to your BF that she is one loopy chick that he's best off to avoid. If she thinks that this behaviour is endearing herself to him she's got another thing coming. Too bad that there ain't no pill for "stupid"!!

 

Her nutty behaviour only makes you look that much more attractive.

 

Play it smart, keep your cool, get the $$$ paid back, then the heck with her.

 

Y

[Mz. Pixie]

I'm trying Yikes! But it's hard.

 

I think it's hard because with STBXH I was really the only one he ever loved (not that he loved me like he should).

 

Now, here I am older- and I've never dated anyone who's been married before or had long intense entanglements. I've never dealt with ex wives, other children, etc. I know that's all part of dating someone who's divorced.

 

Also, something that happened between BF and this girl always makes me scared. WAY before me, this girl didn't want to be exclusive with him and he wanted to be exclusive with her. She wanted to "keep her options open" and she did that- dating another guy- which BF knew about. He asked another girl out and they went out two or three times- well when Ex finds out about it she goes ballistic and wants suddenly to be exclusive. He took her back, reasoning that he had a history with her and wanted to see if they could work it out. It only lasted about a month before she was up to the same thing again. He said taking her back was the worst thing he'd ever done.

 

When they broke up I know for a long time that he hoped they could work it out. He "kept the door open" until I got in the picture. He tells me how much better I treat him than she did and how he can trust me like he couldn't trust her. I want to believe everything he says- and his actions do follow his words- it's just that I'm so used to being told one thing and another done.

 

I guess part of me wonders that if she did that before and he took her back would her tactics work again? I'm so in love with this guy that my head spins but so scared of getting hurt!

[Yikes]

I really doubt that you have anything to worry about. I say trust him until he gives you a reason not to. What that other whack-job does is irrelevant, you are a better class of woman and it sounds like your BF knows that. Be strong, classy and confident, that will be a turn on to your BF... the ex GF is just showing him how loopy she is and that is a definite TURN OFF.

 

I know it's hard, but your BF needs to know that you trust him. If he can be trusted, then crazy-girl can do whatever she wants (and will look awfully stupid doing it), she'll get nowhere. Not only that, but what she does is out of your control anyway, focus on what you CAN control and that's ignoring her and letting you BF know that you trust him. I think that if you come off feeling threatened and untrusting, you might just drive him in her direction.

 

Stay cool everything is okay.

[savethedrama4allama]

Ooooh have I been where you're at. Does her name start with a J?

 

In the end, I had absolutely nothing to worry about. Chances are, this biatch is just crazy and making a fool of herself.

[Mz. Pixie]

Yikes-

 

Thanks babe- you're always so quick to respond to my threads and I appreciate ya!

 

Save the drama-

No, her name starts with E.

 

From the very beginning she has bothered me. X wife I couldn't care less about for some reason just her. It's like I have her on the brain!

 

I guess I would just really like for him to tell her completely off- more than just don't call me anymore. I couldn't really be mad because I told him to call her back! I know he's being partly nice because he wants his $$$ back but still.

I don't think she truly wants him- I think she's just upset because the money train died out and because she doesn't want anyone else to have him.

 

I'm going to play it cool and confident. He knows that I love him and I'm very good to him. Last night he was just telling me about how he needed to thank STBXH for messing up because he is so lucky to have me in his life!

[savethedrama4allama]

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

 

I don't think she truly wants him- I think she's just upset because the money train died out and because she doesn't want anyone else to have him.

 

Yep and if she's like mine, he was her security blanket and ego booster, and when that goes away they hate it. Tell the b*tch to suck it up.

 

Don't worry, she'll make a total arse of herself, in my instance she followed us into a gas station and started screaming. Once they establish themselves as totally psycho, then they hide in embarassment.

 

llama

[Yikes]

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

I'm going to play it cool and confident. He knows that I love him and I'm very good to him. Last night he was just telling me about how he needed to thank STBXH for messing up because he is so lucky to have me in his life!

 

 

Oh for goodness sakes, your golden then, no problems, it's good to be you. A lot of worrying for nothing.

 

Take the high road, get the cash, THEN both of you tear her a new one.

 

Yay for Mz. Pixie!

[tiki]

Okay here's the lowdown.

 

Your man has to get on the ball with this bullsh*t.

 

I say jump when it comes to my husband's crazy ex and he does it - whatever it takes. I'll be like "Call that bitch RIGHT now and tell her to quit askin you to be friends with her"...bless his heart, he's like "Oh I will"..picks up the phone, starts dialing...I'm like "Oh hang the phone up, don't do that"....lol. But my point IS is that he does it. Whatever I want, he makes ME his priority.

 

-If this man has kids with this woman, there will be some needed communication (obviously).

 

-If there are no kids, there's no need for communication. Make him stop with the bullsh*t. He can tell her to stop calling. Have him change his #.

 

My husband's ex wife wouldn't quit calling his cell, even though he asked her to call the home #. He told her he disconnected it, bitch STILL called. We cut it off and got him a new phone...lol...now she CAN'T call him unless it's at home. We love it. She was calling all the time for stupid stuff. Now she can just talk to the machine. Make your man fix this B.S.

[debs]

I side with Tiki!

 

My exH has of yet told me to leave him alone! I chose to because his new 21 yr old wifey is the spoiled jealous type who resents any other female in his life!

 

His loss certainly not mine! I am at a point I would rather NC than be bothered with the 21 yr old trash mouth! Yes she would have the gull to fly off on me via phone! Go figure they both cheated on their ex spouses?? And now jealous of the ex spouses? *shaking my head* This boggles my mind totally!

 

If b/f doesn't make this clear to the ex g/f she won't stop!! Most call years later to see how things are going. If they leave the door open the other will call or contact eventually! Call it morbid curiosity or whatever!!!

[Mz. Pixie]

I was sitting there when he said, "Don't call me anymore- don't e mail me, don't im me unless you are doing it to tell me when I can expect my money"

 

He doesn't have kids with this woman- she was just the first serious relationship he had after his divorce. It's been over for months and months now. When she called this time it was something for one of her kids-not that that matters to me.

 

Today I said that it bothered me just a bit that she's called again and e mailed. He said "Well, I wasn't even going to call her back until you told me to" True, I did tell him to return the call. He said he doesn't expect her to call again but that if she did he would say, "Look, I thought I told you not to contact me again" He is in the process of getting his paperwork together on the loan he gave her for his attorney. If she doesn't pay by the end of Feb- I'm sure he is going to sue her.

 

I will ask him to change his number if it keeps up after he tells her one more time. I hate to ask him to do that because he doesn't have a home phone- he uses his cell for everything and it would be a big deal to have him call everyone and give them another number. That seems a little crazy- but he can block her number and email can't he?

 

Yikes- yes, I do feel like I have it made sometimes. I just don't want to get hurt- it's scary- very scary. You know how it is after you've been hurt- sometimes I'm like a deer in headlights I think!

[savethedrama4allama]

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

I will ask him to change his number if it keeps up after he tells her one more time. I hate to ask him to do that because he doesn't have a home phone- he uses his cell for everything and it would be a big deal to have him call everyone and give them another number. That seems a little crazy- but he can block her number and email can't he?

 

 

I thought the EXACT SAME THING until I finally got smart enough to realize that it was going to take drastic measures to get rid of her. Yeah, depending on his carrier he may be able to block specific numbers and emails, but if she's spirited enough she'll just call from different phones or write from different email addresses. Do not feel guilty asking him to make a change for you. You are worth it. Besides, she is the one who is making the change necessary- not you.

 

Its so frustrating to me because I've been there. But the longer you both allow her to be a presence, the more damage it will do to your relationship.

[tiki]

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

but he can block her number and email can't he?

 

His phone company could not (your husband's may be different - it's worth checking into). So instead of changing the number, we just added him to the family plan and it all worked out. Tell her to start calling the home #, then just let her leave a message.

 

Email, yes...you can block. Very easy from Outlook Express, -->Message, -->block sender.

[tiki]

.

[Yikes]

I happen be of the opinion that it will only do damage if you let it. Downplay all of it, don't make it a bigger deal than it already is.

 

I say, holster your guns for now, make sure she pays up then if need be get tough. If I were your BF, I would much rather see you down play the whole thing and SUPPORT ME. Afterall I am not encouraging her and I do want the money that she owes me. Whatever you decide to do, just don't act out of anger. Respect your BF, he has made it crystal clear that YOU are who he wants, he doesn't want her, he just wants to get the money owed to him. Don't sink to her level, you are better than that.

 

If it gets to the point where it looks like she'll NEVER pay and she is still being a problem then go medievel on her butt.

[Mz. Pixie]

He uses Yahoo.

 

I think he can still block her. We'll see.

 

I know I'm worth it!

 

He is such a great catch and I know this. He wouldn't even be on the market if his wife wouldn't have cheated! I guess I just get a bit insecure about it from time to time.

 

Yikes- you crack me up! I just read your post! To be honest, I did tell her what a fool she made of herself after the last episode- I had alot of fun telling her too.

I also know that if he'd rather have someone who hits the bars every night, get's drunk, cheats, has group sex in the hot tub with her coworkers than to have me then that's another issue altogether. I am a fantastic catch myself!

 

I also think that insisting that he change his number would be wrong in some ways. I want him to want to do it without me telling him to do it. I don't want to have to be the "boss" in this relationship like I was with my X. I'd rather him deal with it because he knows it bothers me but because he wants to. He knows that I won't put up with any bull because I've told him that already. He said if I'd give him just one chance I'd never have to give him another one!

[Yikes]

Seriously, you really can't go wrong taking a classy approach. If I had a nickel for everytime I just wanted to lose it these last few years, I'd be a rich man. At times it was incredibly difficult to hold my tongue. Now after some time has past, things have settled down and we are all okay. Had I lost it, I don't know how things would be right now. You want to be sure that he gets his cash. If the tart gets no reaction from you and your BF keeps telling her to take a hike she'll tire of this.

 

Remember he's with you and he wants you. Some of these things are so much easier to handle if you don't make them a bigger deal than necessary.

 

He's with you, you're in charge and your a classy woman. She's a crazy, stalking, skank. She can't even compete with you. You have no reason to feel threatened. If you really want to pi$$ her off, don't get mad, just laugh at her.

[tiki]

How much $$$ does she owe him? Is it worth 'writing off' to see her not have a reason to contact her any longer?

[savethedrama4allama]

I waited around thinking that my bf should read my mind and know that I wanted his number changed. But you know, people aren't mind readers. Finally sat down with him and said "is it possible you could change your number?" He was all about it. There is a classy way to put your foot down, but its still putting your foot down. Just don't go calling her yourself or any of that lowering bull because then she'll know she is getting to you.

 

Yeah, what tiki said. How much $$ are we talking? Can you just sue for it and forget the drama?

[Mz. Pixie]

Let's put it this way- it's over $5000 or he would have let it go already.

It was even higher than that but last year after they split and she got her bonus she paid a couple of thousand on it. But, she's made no attempt to pay anything since. He even had offered to take a payment arrangement OR settle the money for less. He's asked her TWICE for it in a year- and the last time she had the nerve to say he was "stressing" her about it. Both times she brings up some kind of drama- the last drama was that her brother needs to go to rehab and she's gotta pay for it?? WTF?? Ummmm no, she doesn't have to pay for it. It's always something with this chick. The loans were to do things like pay her utilities when they were about to get cut off, pay her daycare when she was in arrears, provide her kids with a decent Christmas one year. The thing is, the chick has to make good money, plus she is getting child support now- she can afford to pay him something. Not to mention she borrowed money from his parents too. She hasn't made one attempt to pay them either. The borrowing from his parents is like the lowest of the low in my book. Didn't even send them a Christmas card or call them and say, "You know, I'm having a hard time and I know I owe you some money and I will get it to you asap"

 

It pisses me off because he works two jobs (really three) and here he was giving her money for things. And she was out bar hopping every night when he was working his second job. That cost something to bar hop and drink every night correct? What a skank!

 

I'm going to continue to play it cool for now. If she keeps calling then I will "suggest" that he change his number.

 

Oh, he is going to sue for it- he's given her until the first of March to get it to him.

He already has a attorney to take the case and he says he will probably win because he's got proof that it was a loan and not a gift which is what she's going to claim I'm sure.