Why folks are quick to recommend counseling?

[billy2000]

It seems like members on this board are quick to recommend counseling or therapy or run to some professional for many problems. They hand out that kind of advice like it's lifesavers candy.

 

Do people here really think most people have that kind of time and money floating around to go see a doctor for every little problem like masturbation indulgence? I certainly can't afford to pay someone 50-100 dollars an hour to sit on their couch and talk to them about the problem especially if this professional cannot relate to what I'm going through. If they have never been in my shoes then I'm going to be less inclined to give credence to their counsel.

 

In this economy today many people can't afford to pay that kind of money for counseling. I could understand recommending therapy for someone who is an imminent danger to others and society at large but for smaller problems that really likely won't have a major impact on society I think is ridiculous.

[carhill]

Myself, I only recommend counseling in a very few specific marital or life partnership circumstances where the benefits of exhausting all avenues of pursuit outweigh, in my mind, the costs. As an example, if marital counseling can prevent a family splitting up or, even if it does split up, assisting in making that painful transition less rancorous.

 

Professionals are part of our lives, in general. I interfaced with a ton of them in the years surrounding my divorce, and not just those relevant to the divorce itself but for other matters. Some aspects are better left to professionals, much as I might like performing surgery on myself or climbing up on the roof to fix my HVAC. Mental health is no different. Some things we can fix ourselves and others we require, or want, help with.

 

As for expense, yep, professionals are expensive. Tip#1: If one has insurance, even if insurance doesn't pay for the counseling, it can get one a contracted rate which is more affordable. Tip#2: University psychology departments often offer counseling free or for little cost.

 

As to the cost benefit ratio, what I did was get a good faith estimate from my lawyer as to the projected legal costs of a contested divorce, then determined a budget for marriage counseling and its costs, including any penalties and taxes on early retirement withdrawals (yep, because I couldn't 'afford it'), performed a risk/benefit analysis and, with trust in my lawyer's strategies, proceeded with the MC option and found it to be win-win. Costs ended up running about 10% of the estimate for a contested divorce, my exW and I got divorced with a minimum of rancor at a time when that was priceless to me, and life went on with the lessons of MC under my/our belt.

 

Counseling has a place. It's a tool. It's not for everyone and every circumstance, to be sure. Although it generally costs more, I usually recommend a licensed psychologist who specializes in the area being counseled, like infidelity, abuse, reconciliation, etc, etc. and has a reputation and track record of referrals to support their professionalism and competence. I see it no differently than any other profession, like a lawyer or doctor or accountant. They have their place.

[spiderowl]

I completely agree that many people can't afford to pay. I wouldn't usually recommend counselling but suggest it if they have access to a free or inexpensive counselling service. Good counsellors won't give counsel but help you to work through the issue in a way most people don't experience normally. That kind of person-centred counselling is unavailable to most people, sadly.

[pteromom]

I could understand recommending therapy for someone who is an imminent danger to others and society at large but for smaller problems that really likely won't have a major impact on society I think is ridiculous.

 

I disagree with you completely.

 

Most problems are at least in part due to the way the person experiencing them thinks and feels - their attitude, based on their experiences and past hurts. A good therapist can help examine your thinking to see if you are looking at things in a way that is beneficial to you.

 

I think EVERYONE should see a therapist, at least for a few months. Everyone has issues of some kind.

 

That said, I realize it can be expensive. But if you can afford it, or if your insurance covers it, I recommend going.

[quankanne]

counseling can be expensive, if you're looking into a professional that hangs a shingle, but there are other, less expensive sources. Members of the clergy immediately spring to mind, as do community counseling services offered on a sliding scale.

 

I think it's a little more worrisome that you are quick to dismiss a process that's meant to give you the tools you need to better "manage" your life. Even if things are going just fine in one area, you never know how something you've learned via counseling can impact a different area. I know that the tools we picked up in a marriage enrichment weekend have been handy when dealing with family members, as well as with toxic co-workers.

 

something my husband said before we did our weekend makes me wonder if maybe you feel a little bit the same way: He initially balked because he was convinced the team was going to gang up on him and tell him what a terrible person he was. But afterward, he said it was the best thing we ever did for our marriage because we learned how to better communicate. no right, no wrong, just given more tools to help us navigate through all parts of marriage in a better way.