he rejected me and still wants to be friends..

[jiji_91]

hello everyone

hope this is in the right place ..

 

we are both in our 20's

 

Couple of months ago I met a guy online ( but I know alot of ppl he knows) we really hit it off we text everyday ..all day.. we talked for hours we are so much alike and have a great connection we understand each other.. We went out couple to times he even told his parents and brother about me.. I really liked him and wanted a relationship but didn't say anything cuz I wanted him to make the first move.. Later he told me that he was in a serious relationship for years but his GF ended it recently.. He said that he really wanted a girl in his life.. After 3 months I finally had the courage and told him I liked him he was like we are really close and I feel that we have so much incomen.. But you are like my sister and friend ! I was really heartbroken.. I didn't speak to him for days and he constantly tired to contact me.. Then I decided to just start talking to him again and told myself maybe he isnt ready.. Then all of a sudden after just one week since I told him about my feelings .. he told me he likes this girl and just confessed to her and she likes him back and wants to marry her soon !! I was sooo shocked because he never mentioned her am sure he met her online because the girl studies abroad ! And am sure he just met her couple of weeks maybe and all of a sudden she's the one and he wants to marry her !

 

I was so heart broken and shocked.. I said am happy for you.. But I cant talk to you anymore.. He was shocked and got really mad and said I ment alot to him and he needed his ( sister AKA me ) and he still wants me in his life but I refused he said he will never forgive me..

 

Then I deleted him from all social media he still sends me msgs telling me( to please talk to him; whats between us is big.. I will never allow you to leave.. I need you ..) but I didn't answer

 

I don't know why He chose her over me ? Even my friends are shocked they told me he treated you like he liked you.. He always tells me am pretty and send me songs and constantly wants to talk to me he even told me I am like his other Version of himself... Don't know what To do .. Also after a month ( I did the NC rule) I replied to him he was happy and I said I cant be with u its too complicated and painfull.. He said u are a big part of my life and I need u near me ..

 

But I didn't replay ...

 

My Qs is why did this happen to me ? I though he liked me but why did he choose her ?

 

And I feel bad that I didn't stay friends with him but it is too painfull ..was what I did the right thing?

 

I really want him to love me but I gotta live in reality ..

do I have any chance or should I give up !

I tried meeting other guys but the connection I had with him was so spacial nothing can compare to it </3

 

Please help ..

Sorry if this was too long..

[somedude81]

My Qs is why did this happen to me ? I though he liked me but why did he choose her ?

People have been asking that question for thousands of years.

 

There is nothing you can do but move on.

 

Don't continue to be his friend.

[CarrieT]

My Qs is why did this happen to me ?

It happens to all of us.

 

I though he liked me but why did he choose her ?

You may never know.

 

And I feel bad that I didn't stay friends with him but it is too painfull ..was what I did the right thing?

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. One can never be "just friends" with someone when there are romantic feelings involved.

 

I really want him to love me but I gotta live in reality ..

do I have any chance or should I give up !

Give up. If he's trying to keep you around after telling you he wants to marry someone else, he is a player - you deserve better than that.

 

I tried meeting other guys but the connection I had with him was so spacial nothing can compare to it </3

That is because you are not healed from his hurt yet. Give yourself time - you simply are not ready to date others yet and until you are, you will continue to compare others to him.

 

You are only in your 20s!!!! You have time.

[Zahara]

"He said that he really wanted a girl in his life."

 

He's the kind of guy that is dependent on having a woman in his life. He broke up with his ex recently and that was a long relationship. He then found you and you filled that void he had in his life. Not necessarily a romantic need but someone that made him feel good. Now, he's attached himself to a woman he just met and is talking about marriage. Probably going by the intial feel-good emotions from early courtship.

 

This isn't about you. This about him being emotionally unhealthy and dependent on others to fulfill his life.

 

Yes, you need to move on. If contact hurts you, then stay NC. You are not responsible for how he feels. You prioritize your own emotional health and mental wellbeing. He can pout and scream all he wants. It's not your problem. And you cannot be friends with someone you have an emotional attachment to.

[jiji_91]

thank you all for your replays..

all what you said is true and I know I have to move one but there is always

something in my heart that says he might come back !

 

specially because all of his texting and what he says !

if he loves her and wanna marry her what does he want with me ?

 

and whats bothering me is that just after one week of me confising he went and made a girlfriend ! and the way he told me about her was heart breaking :"(

didn't even conceder my feelings..

 

why relationships are so difficult

 

don't know how am I ever gonna get over this ..

[Zahara]

and whats bothering me is that just after one week of me confising he went and made a girlfriend ! and the way he told me about her was heart breaking :"(

didn't even conceder my feelings..

 

Hence, why would you want to go back to this. Even if he came back, you don't know when he's going to flake out and put you in the sister slot.

[Elle1975]

You probably want to tell him you are in love with him, and need time to process the fact that he sees you only as a friend. Nothing wrong with being honest, even if it makes you feel defenseless.

 

As for the why he doesn't see you that way? He's probably just not attracted to you.

 

I don't think the guy should put his life on hold because you have feelings he doesn't share.

[jiji_91]

You probably want to tell him you are in love with him, and need time to process the fact that he sees you only as a friend. Nothing wrong with being honest, even if it makes you feel defenseless.

 

As for the why he doesn't see you that way? He's probably just not attracted to you.

 

I don't think the guy should put his life on hold because you have feelings he doesn't share.

 

I didn't tell him I love him .. I told him I liked him

and about the GF thing I was bothered on why he didn't tell me from the beginning that I see you as a sister and also I have feelings for another women didn't need to break my heart twice..

and I know him for so long his timing was weird..

and they way he told me about her .. he was acting weird and sending me love songs and love qoutes .. I Thought he meant me then boom he told me its for my new GF then sent me her picture !

I didnt need to see all of that .. seeing what he could've done for me..

for god's sake I just told u I liked you 5 days ago..

[melodymatters]

You are doing the right thing ! You do not owe this guy your friendship. He sounds a bit unbalanced frankly, talking about marriage with someone he barely met online.

 

You need to take care of YOU and you have every right to not want to "play" the role he assigned to you: " supportive sister/friend". Screw that.

 

Give yourself time, you will meet LOTS of special people you vibe with.

 

NEXT !

[CarrieT]

specially because all of his texting and what he says !

Block him.

 

don't know how am I ever gonna get over this ..

Again, BLOCK HIM.

 

Do *not* receive texts from him and remove him from your contacts. You will get over him if you remove him from your orbit of existence.

[Zippy2000]

Why is most people saying to BLOCK him??

 

Its not his fault who he falls for and to say why he didnt choose you? I ll answer that for you. No chemistry, no attraction, and just sees you as nothing more than a friend.

 

It sucks, and its the same situation Im in except I m STILL friends with the girl I like. I cant MAKE her love me, and I ve always said its up to her at the end of the day. I havent pestered her, or badgered her and you cant stop talking to someone just because the dont have any feelings for you.

 

He`s been honest and told you but dont ruina friendship just becuase someone doesnt like you.

[jiji_91]

Why is most people saying to BLOCK him??

 

Its not his fault who he falls for and to say why he didnt choose you? I ll answer that for you. No chemistry, no attraction, and just sees you as nothing more than a friend.

 

It sucks, and its the same situation Im in except I m STILL friends with the girl I like. I cant MAKE her love me, and I ve always said its up to her at the end of the day. I havent pestered her, or badgered her and you cant stop talking to someone just because the dont have any feelings for you.

 

He`s been honest and told you but dont ruina friendship just becuase someone doesnt like you.

 

and what kind of friendship that will be.. when it would physicly hurt me ?

yes its not his fault that he didnt like me ..

but its also not my fault that I have feelings for him .. if it was up to me ..

I would never fallen in love with anyone .. but there is nothing I can do ..

and I really wish I didnt feel this way because I Trully miss him ..

 

good for you that u could make it .. I couldent

and in the end of the day he gained a wife..

and I lost everything and got my heart broken

[fred123]

maybe he only ever liked you as a friend and <you thought> there was more.

Edited July 16, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[spiderowl]

Sorry to hear what happened and I quite understand how hurtful it must be.

 

The first thing I notice is that he is just out of a long-term relationship. He is probably not over that and in a mixed emotional state. He could do anything in that state and it's not a good idea to get involved with anyone who has just gone through a break-up. Of course you did not choose to have feelings for him. He met this other girl quickly it seems. I would not assume it will last with her. The guy sounds like a bit of a loose cannon at the moment.

 

To try to answer your questions:

 

My Qs is why did this happen to me ? I though he liked me but why did he choose her ?

Bad luck. You haven't done anything wrong and sound a lovely person. He does like you. He's making an effort to keep you as his friend. I don't know why he chose her but he may well drop her next week if he's mixed up.

 

And I feel bad that I didn't stay friends with him but it is too painfull ..was what I did the right thing?

You need to do what's best for you. He had you as a close friend and potential girlfriend. He must have known you would find it difficult. I think he's more attached to you than he realises himself. I think you did the right thing avoiding him. Let him miss you! You deserve someone who cares about you, not someone who wants something for himself, i.e. your friendship while apparently hurting you.

 

I really want him to love me but I gotta live in reality ..

do I have any chance or should I give up !

I tried meeting other guys but the connection I had with him was so spacial nothing can compare to it </3

 

I'd certainly consider other guys and drop the idea of this guy. Best to find someone who will be there fore you and wants you as a girlfriend. Having said that, I have a feeling this guy will be back. The problem is do you risk taking him back or keep him at arms length until he's more stable?

[Zippy2000]

and what kind of friendship that will be.. when it would physicly hurt me ?

yes its not his fault that he didnt like me ..

but its also not my fault that I have feelings for him .. if it was up to me ..

I would never fallen in love with anyone .. but there is nothing I can do ..

and I really wish I didnt feel this way because I Trully miss him ..

 

good for you that u could make it .. I couldent

and in the end of the day he gained a wife..

and I lost everything and got my heart broken

 

WAIT! Hold on a second. He hasnt "psychically" hurt you. I know its difficult for you and it was for me. Another girl I liked told me we would only just be friends and NOTHING more. Thats was 3 years ago. It hurt like made but guess what? It wasnt easy. I didnt wake up next day and though she was out of my system. No it takes TIME to HEAL.

 

I look back and thing "Christ"! What was I thinking or wasting my time with her. I look back at her and find out she has a confrontational/argumentative personnality who`s opinionated and foul mouthed person who swears all the time. It took me a while to see all the flaws because LIKE YOU right now. You`re infatuated with the thought of being with him.

 

No one said it was YOUR FAULT you have feelings. Thats something you have to deal with for yourself but not with anger and by blocking him. That way you`ve truly lost everything including his friendship.

 

Embrace in the fact he`s met someone. Be happy for him. He was honest with you in the beginning.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

OP can do and feel as she damn well pleases. If it's too hard to be friends with him, then she has every right to block him and erase him from her life. If she feels she was strung along, she has every right to feel angry.

 

Not everyone can cope with unrequited love the same way. Some can tolerate a friendship while others - it can destroy.

 

Jiji, if you feel you cannot handle a friendship with him, don't feel guilty about walking away. Perhaps some day down the road when you have moved on, you can handle a platonic relationship with him. If he cannot give you the respect and compassion to stop pestering you for a friendship despite knowing how you feel...then he's probably much too selfish to be a good friend to you anyhow.

 

Do what you feel is right for you and don't feel guilty about trying to move on from someone who does not feel the same for you.

 

(BIG HUGS)

[writergal]

Brilliant post. You said everything I was thinking.

 

OP can do and feel as she damn well pleases. If it's too hard to be friends with him, then she has every right to block him and erase him from her life. If she feels she was strung along, she has every right to feel angry.

 

Not everyone can cope with unrequited love the same way. Some can tolerate a friendship while others - it can destroy.

 

Jiji, if you feel you cannot handle a friendship with him, don't feel guilty about walking away. Perhaps some day down the road when you have moved on, you can handle a platonic relationship with him. If he cannot give you the respect and compassion to stop pestering you for a friendship despite knowing how you feel...then he's probably much too selfish to be a good friend to you anyhow.

 

Do what you feel is right for you and don't feel guilty about trying to move on from someone who does not feel the same for you.

 

(BIG HUGS)

[jiji_91]

OP can do and feel as she damn well pleases. If it's too hard to be friends with him, then she has every right to block him and erase him from her life. If she feels she was strung along, she has every right to feel angry.

 

Not everyone can cope with unrequited love the same way. Some can tolerate a friendship while others - it can destroy.

 

Jiji, if you feel you cannot handle a friendship with him, don't feel guilty about walking away. Perhaps some day down the road when you have moved on, you can handle a platonic relationship with him. If he cannot give you the respect and compassion to stop pestering you for a friendship despite knowing how you feel...then he's probably much too selfish to be a good friend to you anyhow.

 

Do what you feel is right for you and don't feel guilty about trying to move on from someone who does not feel the same for you.

 

(BIG HUGS)

 

thank you for your kind words..

this is how I feel I really cant pretend that am find and that am ok

with just being friends when am not ok with it